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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Shrubfest Jun 28th, 2011 07:44 AM

That story is a bit sad but a bit cheering too.

As long as he'd paid for the food, of course.

If not, tell everyone you know about how bad it was.

Kitsa Jun 28th, 2011 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 728699)
I got this too! I didn't even know that it wasn't a universal thing until like five years ago.

Are you extremely good at remembering other people's birthdays too, no matter how little you care about them?


Usually when I remember birthdays it has something to do with me giving a shit, but no, not especially good with dates.

Numbers, certain letters, and music usually trigger colors and shapes to me. I think it's supposed to go beyond whatever crap your brain normally imagines when exposed to music or words, and that certain letters, numbers or notes ALWAYS evoke the same color. For me, 9 has always been sort of a deep, bluish kelly green, and 5 and 7 are slightly different shades of red-orange.

Sometimes music does it too. Certain music makes me see rippling ribbons. It's like having Fantasia going in your head 24/7.

Kitsa Jun 28th, 2011 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordSappington (Post 728706)
Okay, if someone asks me for regular turkey, I don't do that. I make sure I give them what they ask for if they DO ask for a specific type, but if they just say they want turkey, how am I supposed to know?
Also, yeah, if you say you want regular turkey, they give you honey and insist it's regular, they deserve whatever they get. There's being a dick, and then there's being a lazy asshole.
That wasn't a good analogy

I always specifically say that I want the oven-roasted turkey or the buffalo turkey or whatever. I never say, "JUST GIVE ME SOME TURKEY." Because that would be rude :posh

I don't know if it's laziness or if it's ignorance of how allergies work or whether they think that food allergies are some made-up thing to get attention, but it happens a lot. My mom had a run-in the other day with a deli worker who picked up the honey turkey and started cutting it before we realized it wasn't the right thing; she switched it out, but the residue was already all over the machine and her gloves.

Sometimes I just buy the prepackaged stuff and hope for the best.

Pub Lover Jun 28th, 2011 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grislygus (Post 728745)
...you get to think of him as The Hamburglar from now on

:sleep

10,000 Volt Ghost Jun 28th, 2011 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chojin (Post 728670)
speaking of fuct up spines, i went to chiropractor today

it was pretty ok! he snapped my neck like in goldeneye.

The first few times are the worst. You usually have to adjust your rear view mirror on the drive home.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otto (Post 728696)
My dad's had been seeing a chiropractor for years after a work-related accident permanently damaged his spine and rendered him unable to perform manual labor (he couldn't move to the office division because I think he doesn't even have a GED) and I had registered an appointment with the same chiropractor, based on my dad's recommendation, to help me with my bad back and found out the day after I scheduled that his practice had folded. When I asked why, I was told that he got in a car accident and damaged his back to the point where he was no longer able to practice. I don't think that the receptionist that called me appreciated the irony (or me laughing about it) as much as I did.

:lol

Kitsa Jun 28th, 2011 11:13 AM

My neurosurgeon told me if I ever go to a chiropractor he'll kill me himself.

Also, my great-grandfather left one in an ambulance once.

I'm afraid of chiropractors :(

Chojin Jun 28th, 2011 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 728757)
Also, my great-grandfather left one in an ambulance once.

i first read this like your grandfather was a vigilante EMT who, upon discovering his patient was a chiropractor, ditched his ass

Kitsa Jun 28th, 2011 12:09 PM

That would be awesome but in reality the guy just snapped his neck and broke a clot loose and gave him a stroke. :(

Ex Leper Jun 28th, 2011 01:17 PM

My tape collection has been growing steadily since I made the thread about it.

elx Jun 29th, 2011 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pub Lover (Post 728735)
:(

Why that thread? :confused

I think I mentioned before that the loveline is the best area on this forum, I just felt like participating for once! I took willie's thread because I didn't want to make my own, and all of the other ones are creepy.

elx Jun 29th, 2011 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 728651)

when did you get so good at photoshoping? >:

captain516 Jun 29th, 2011 01:19 AM

Not gonna lie, Tadao was one of the last I-mockery people I expected to get hitched.

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 01:55 AM

Fuck, that's who was in my death pool - Harry Dean Stanton.

Damn, that guy is lasting. Good on him.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jun 29th, 2011 02:08 AM

Way to ruin a romantic moment like Tadao getting married Dyls.

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 02:10 AM

chat thread, fck you

Esuohlim Jun 29th, 2011 02:12 AM

I bet Tadao is fucking right now, guys

10,000 Volt Ghost Jun 29th, 2011 02:14 AM

We're better start high fiving then.

fuck you spell check trying to tell me fiving isn't a word.

Kitsa Jun 29th, 2011 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 728838)
Fuck, that's who was in my death pool - Harry Dean Stanton.

Damn, that guy is lasting. Good on him.

He can last for another 50 years as long as I'm concerned. Love that guy.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 728818)
I think I mentioned before that the loveline is the best area on this forum, I just felt like participating for once! I took willie's thread because I didn't want to make my own, and all of the other ones are creepy.

Ok. Thank you. :(

INTERNET HUGS! :eek

Esuohlim Jun 29th, 2011 03:03 PM

Come on elx, you got laid. Man up.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:06 PM

Yeah, she wishes she could have more random sex. So it turns like she was just like the rest of you all along. :eek

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:08 PM

I know I'm not one to talk but isn't that lass that Zhukov posted in the pretty people thread a trifle young? :eek

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 728844)
I want to make jokes about so many things in this thread - Milhouse and sex (because lol), elx being elx, and 10K and his ellipses.

Nothing is stopping you, Champ.

executioneer Jun 29th, 2011 03:09 PM

don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost (Post 728832)
Now that I can see the picture. Didn't she used to be blond?

That one went the way of Lennie and his rabbits.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:10 PM

Shit Fuck. >:

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:10 PM


Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728928)
don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

Willie, I guarantee I will never post an accurate account of me having sex in one of your threads.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:14 PM

I need the door open for lies though.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:14 PM

I post so many of the lies.

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 03:19 PM


Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 04:46 PM

THEY CAN'T HELP IT AND I CAN'T BLAME 'EM SINCE I GOT FAMOUS, BUT BITCH, I GOT MONEY TO BLOW

GETTIN' IT IN, LETTIN' THESE BILLS FALL ALL OVER YOUR SKIN

I GOT MONEY TO BLOW

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728928)
don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

BOY I WILL TELL YOU STORIES YOU WISH YOU NEVER HEARD

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 07:40 PM

One of my ex-girlfriends talked to God and God talked back, apparently this also extended to while we were screwing

This means that while I was having sex with a girl she thought she was having a private one-on-once conversation withGod

That's the kind of shit that precedes you being surprise STABBED TO DEATH, and I learned this while I was breaking up with her

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 07:42 PM

One of my exes turned out to have a weird, weird, weird obsession with "Asian ball-joint dolls" and liked to pretend that I was "one of her dolls" while we had sex


Once again, a creepy factoid that I learned afterwards

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 07:45 PM

Another girl I slept with at a party seemed normal until she somehow got my number and started calling me repeatedly and telling me that I was a victim of identity theft because there was someone who looked exactly like me except his hair had "blonde tips"

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 07:49 PM

And those are only the stories that I'm going to tell you. I am a cosmic weirdness magnet, and pretty much the only sane person I ever had a "committed relationship" wit someone working as a nude model, which is a weird story in and of itself

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 08:03 PM

lololololololol :artstudents

elx Jun 29th, 2011 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728928)
don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

forgive me! :(

elx Jun 29th, 2011 09:15 PM

I went and met people from the internet tonight. it was fun. too bad you internet people are so far away that none of you even know what duck sauce is. :(

elx Jun 29th, 2011 09:16 PM

except maybe colonelflagg <3

Pub Lover Jun 29th, 2011 09:44 PM

I thought I had some Plum Sauce in the pantry but it is Mango Chutney. :(

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 09:50 PM

There's nothing wrong with mango chutney, man.

Otto Jun 29th, 2011 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728928)
don't get any ideas about posting your random sex havings in my threads, guys

DO NOT LIKE

Considering that in accordance with German cultural norms, in order to have sex with a woman I would have to first puncture the right-hand side of her with my mating spike and inject her with my seed while saluting the heavens with a Sieg Heil at the same time, both of which are frowned upon in contemporary American society, you have no need to worry about me ever talking about it in any of your threads much less actually doing it in a close-minded nation such as this one.

Grislygus Jun 29th, 2011 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 728968)
I went and met people from the internet tonight. it was fun. too bad you internet people are so far away that none of you even know what duck sauce is. :(

Barbra streisand


OOHWHEEOO-OOH-OOH-OOOOHOOOOOH

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 10:10 PM



or their first single

Kitsa Jun 29th, 2011 10:16 PM

I spent the day in the ER. Pretty much all that came out of it was that my gallbladder got a clean bill of health and I figured out I never want a "GI Cocktail" again.

This was pretty much my view all day.


Otto Jun 29th, 2011 10:24 PM

Ugh, I hate going to the ER. A few years ago I got attacked by a stray dog and had to go there and ended up waiting three hours before someone would see me. I was tempted to put some alka-seltzer tablets in my mouth and run around the waiting room screaming THANKS A LOT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM!

Shyandquietguy Jun 29th, 2011 10:25 PM

Sounds like me and neglecting my dental hygiene. Infected tooth + really bad allergies = cannot breathe through nasal passages.

Except yours sounds alot worse. Glad you're okay, Kitsa.

Kitsa Jun 29th, 2011 10:45 PM

Thanks. Well, it's not my gallbladder, anyway.

I used to see GI cocktails given all the time and never really thought about it. Basically, it's maalox plus some sort of lidocaine syrup, and you drink it. First of all, it tastes fucking horrible. There's a little mint to it, but not much to go on. The entire time you're trying to force it down, your body is saying "noooo, no, I don't think so". But you get it down and then you realize there is absolutely zero sensation in your tongue and throat. Just nothing there.

That sounds a lot more fun than it is. In reality, your mouth is filling up with spit and you think you're swallowing but can't be sure because you can't feel it. So until it wears off (took me about 45 minutes), it feels like either being choked or suffocated to death. Man, I hated that.

Otto Jun 29th, 2011 10:47 PM

Man, and I thought that using chloraseptic lozenges/spray was a bad experience! Well it's good that you're doing better!

Shyandquietguy Jun 29th, 2011 10:51 PM

Oh god damn it, I thought you were talking about an actual drink. :lol
Looks like I need to go to the hospital more! :lol

Otto Jun 29th, 2011 10:53 PM

Don't. Hospitals are horrible places that smell like antiseptic and death, plus if you're under the influence of any kind of hallucinogen you're going to see the hospital in a light that makes their depiction in the film Jacob's Ladder seem like something out of a Disney movie.

executioneer Jun 29th, 2011 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pub Lover (Post 728935)
BEST PONY

HELL YES

Shrubfest Jun 30th, 2011 05:32 AM

OH MY HAIRY CHRIST.

My laptop is still not back from the menders.
Husband broke his and needs all the drivers reinstalling.
Borrowed Mammas=Bluescreen.

I'm now at the library. This is horrid. I'm on work placement next week. Te details come via email. Ballsacks.

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 08:13 AM

Ugh, shrub, that sucks. I'm sorry.

kahljorn Jun 30th, 2011 11:51 AM

Quote:

Another girl I slept with at a party seemed normal until she somehow got my number and started calling me repeatedly and telling me that I was a victim of identity theft because there was someone who looked exactly like me except his hair had "blonde tips"
this girl sounds kinda cool

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 12:02 PM

She most likely wanted to be in the middle of a double Gus sandwich.

LordSappington Jun 30th, 2011 12:25 PM

Some guy I know is convinced, after watching a tv program on it, that the universe is a simulation, and God is a programmer. His reasoning: Look very closely at something. Everything is pixelated.

executioneer Jun 30th, 2011 12:27 PM

that is sad

Colonel Flagg Jun 30th, 2011 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 728969)
except maybe colonelflagg <3

Yes, of course. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 728979)
I spent the day in the ER. Pretty much all that came out of it was that my gallbladder got a clean bill of health and I figured out I never want a "GI Cocktail" again.

I fortunately have avoided this particular slice of loveliness. Not for much longer, however. :(

Very glad your GB is OK. Now make them fix what ails you! >:

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordSappington (Post 729040)
Some guy I know is convinced, after watching a tv program on it, that the universe is a simulation, and God is a programmer. His reasoning: Look very closely at something. Everything is pixelated.

He must be great fun at parties. :hypno

Otto Jun 30th, 2011 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordSappington (Post 729040)
Some guy I know is convinced, after watching a tv program on it, that the universe is a simulation, and God is a programmer. His reasoning: Look very closely at something. Everything is pixelated.

Sounds like the beginning of a serious slide into wonderful world of schizophrenia! Better do something quick before he decides to stick it to the matrix by going on a killing spree.

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 01:24 PM

Thanks, ColFlagg...basically, it just sort of feels as if my stomach either has a pile of rocks in it, or like it has a cigar stubbed out in it. I think that they were like "aha, fatwoman with a baby, must be gallbladder". WELL, NOT ALWAYS.

They sent me home with a Gastro referral and a supposition that it was an ulcer from my lifelong, arthritis-necessary Excedrin use. Also, I can't have caffeine, peppermint or chocolate, which neatly disposes of basically my entire sustenance up to this point.

Otto Jun 30th, 2011 01:27 PM

I can understand that they'd want you to avoid chocolate and caffeine, but why peppermint? I thought peppermint was supposed to be soothing to digestive problems.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordSappington (Post 729040)
Everything is pixelated.

He must have keener eyesight than me. I can't see the pixels. What with them being atomic. :eek

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 01:31 PM

Supposedly nicotine, caffeine, chocolate and peppermint do some sphincter-relaxing in there and allow gastric acids to seep up into the esophagus.

(protip for anal aficionados, I guess...ply your partner with coffee and, I don't know, cigs and york peppermint patties or something)

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 729050)
Also, I can't have caffeine, peppermint or chocolate, which neatly disposes of basically my entire sustenance up to this point.

I would be incapable of living on th... No, wait. I'd be fine. Alcohol. :picklehat

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 729053)
Supposedly nicotine, caffeine, chocolate and peppermint do some sphincter-relaxing in there and allow gastric acids to seep up into the esophagus.

(protip for anal aficionados, I guess...ply your partner with coffee and, I don't know, cigs and york peppermint patties or something)

No wonder I like taking it up the arse so much. :eek

Otto Jun 30th, 2011 01:55 PM

Well that would explain why so many of my gay friends smoke... and do amyl nitrite.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:33 PM

I would hate to live in Australia, but I'd rather be there than the US. :antiamerican

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:34 PM

That was supposed to quote something.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:35 PM

I would hate to live in The US, but I'd rather be there than Mexico or Finland. :antiplaces

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:37 PM

I'm not even sure why I got so riled to post. A guy likes where he lives despite it being a bit shitty in some ways. Good for him. I don't even want to be alive most days.

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 02:38 PM

Idk, when I was recently out of the country it wasn't the Americans being obnoxious tourist assholes.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:38 PM

Have I mentioned that lately?

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:38 PM

Fuck balls. >:

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:39 PM


Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 729064)
Idk, when I was recently out of the country it wasn't the Americans being obnoxious tourist assholes.

I think most people are generally shitty and if I was less self-obsessed I might just think they were the ones that should be dead. :eek

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:41 PM

Other than what I think.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:41 PM

You know; that it should be me.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:42 PM

I should be the one that is dead.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:42 PM

Is what I am saying.

ItalianStereotype Jun 30th, 2011 02:42 PM

Pub, were you trying to say all of that to little ol' me?

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:43 PM

You know.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:43 PM

For attention.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItalianStereotype (Post 729073)
Pub, were you trying to say all of that to little ol' me?

Yeah, I messed up the quotes because I am rather stupid.

Congrats on liking where you live. I wish I liked stuff.

ItalianStereotype Jun 30th, 2011 02:44 PM

D'aww, so adorable

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 02:48 PM

I was eating in an Unnamed European City With Lots of Canals and Pigeons once, and there was a British family at the table next to me. They were all wearing Eurodisney clothes and basically everything out of their mouths was some variant of "HURRRRR". They thought it was funny to throw crumbs from their meal on neighboring tables to get the pigeons really close. The proprietor of the cafe went out of his mind...thought he was going to feed them strychnine ravioli and dump their bodies in the canal.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 02:59 PM

Kitsa, please let me dismissively label them Chavs and be done with it.

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 03:01 PM

I dunno, it's rare to find chavs in that sort of family format.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 03:02 PM

I... what? Really? With both a mother and father? Is that not a thing that Chavs do? My word. :posh

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 03:04 PM

Because 'Eurodisney clothes' pretty much is squarely in Chavs Abroad territory.

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 03:04 PM

I didn't see a bit of burberry.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 03:05 PM

Perhaps I need to look up what Chav means other than direct slur for C2Ds.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 03:09 PM

I find I have been misusing the word Chav. It did gain popularity while I was away from the UK though, which is why I didn't care.

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 03:09 PM

core 2 duos? :confused:

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 03:20 PM

I did look that one up too. So outdated and obscure I couldn't find a thing on it.

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 03:21 PM

It is all just snobbery on my part anyway.

Kitsa Jun 30th, 2011 03:23 PM

Wishing yourself dead just the thing for it?

Pub Lover Jun 30th, 2011 03:23 PM

Other people are lousy & don't feel bad about it? How very dare they!


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