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I've been high fiving for a few years. It just feels right to do....like you know.....good game.
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A slap on the butt is more traditional for a "good game" though :P
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and get my hand all gooey???....no thank you. :P
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That's why you aim the end for the left cheek and slap the right one.
Didn't they teach you anything? |
Learning from experience as I go along. I'll try that next time though.
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:wank:moon
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:lol Even watching that loop is hilarious.
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STOP UPDATING THIS THREAD AND MAKING ME THINK GEORGE DID IT :(
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We gave up on George already though. Now we are talking about where to finish and what to slap
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george is back!
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I thought that when I reread the thread a bit ago
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ok, i am going to read this again so i am sure to not forget anything. sorry for the two year absence once again, i had some seriously crazy shit happen.
i need a new avatar. |
Holy shit. I just read the entire thread and I've been on the edge of my goddamn seat the whole time. It makes me want to read books.
If you don't finish this story I'm going to lose my goddamn mind. George you're the fucking man. Also, I was born in Biloxi! One of my best friends as a kid growing up was killed in Katrina and so was his mother who was my mother's best friend. That story is fucking gay compared to yours though please continue. |
long cold lonely winter
if i have covered this part bear with me a little bit. in the winter of 2006 i went crazy. i don't mean crazy kind of, or i felt crazy, i mean i lost it for realz. i came awake and i was on my couch in my tighty whitey's, i had a huge erection, i was listening to Pink Floyd at very high volume, and rolling a gigantic blunt from the biggest bag of weed i had ever seen. i could see my mattress was burning in the front yard. i tried to remember what had happened. that talking heads song with the line "is this my house?" began to play in my head. and just a little movement of my head was enough to confirm i had destroyed everything in the house. plates, glasses, pretty much anything that could be broken was FUBAR. i had beaten my kitchen table and chairs to pieces for sins i will never remember. i wandered the house like i was having a dream, the mess was spectacular. i actually toilet papered my own house. i followed the trail of destruction until i got to my bedroom. my room smelled. mostly cause i had put all of nancy's clothes into trash bags and then had what appeared to be explosive diarrhea in a few, and lacking anymore shit i peed in the rest. this part still makes me giggle. i also had destroyed nancy's guitar. it was her prized possession. i had found it at a thrift store. it had been in a fire and was coated in soot. i pulled it apart and cleaned it up, and it looked and sounded beautiful in that rare way cheap instruments sometimes do. and i fucked it straight to hell. and this part still makes me giggle too. then the phone rang. it was nancy. "are you alright?" "uh, i guess so." i lied. "i just got a call that you called Jason's family at four am and said you were going to kill him." "hmm, uh...." i hung up the phone. i remembered calling everyone in the phone book with the same last name as her new man. i also defiantly threatened to do some kind of killing :) i also remembered pictures, and an excessively helpful bar tender. Her name was Trish. She had given me thirteen shots of Jaeger and shown me pictures of nancy in various stages of getting gang fucked by a bunch of dudes. this would be the first of many such events. everywhere i went at least one person would tell me yet another humiliation that i just had to know about now it was all over. Soon i will tell you the last (and worst) one of all, but this first one rocked me. the rest just made me sad. so i look around at my world, smoke my blunt, and decide to run away from home. i leave a note for the kids, get in my car and just start driving. i want to be anywhere than my shit hole home town, i want to find some place to be alone. instead i drive to south carolina and have extremely dirty sex with nancy's oldest, closest friend. no revenge is better than ATM with the girl your ex has always been secretly jealous of. it still makes me giggle. more to come, it gets better. |
ITS SO GOOD
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CONTINUED....
i laid low for three days. long enough to decide i needed to get the fuck out of MD and go to SC for good. houses were cheap, there was some jobs and it was nothing like home. i like the south, everyone is polite and they have a "doing it my own pace so fuck you very gently" kind of attitude. life seemed to be looking up. i got home to find nancy and my landlord in the driveway. now some of you have been to that shit hole farmhouse we lived in, and you can bet the rent i was paying was not being reported. the place was only slightly better than nothing. my personal paper street soap company, and it was the best i could afford. even with a high paying job, 3 room town houses were going for 1900 a month in the section 8 ghetto part of my area. i was paying a lot for that dump and my landlord was very kindly standard 00' republican asshole. i did not want to see him. i get out of the car and two people i have no interest in talking to start yelling at me. it is cold and gray and it feels like snow and that is all i really care about. i always imagine i looked pretty cool in this moment, staring off at the dull horizon, lighting a cigarette. telling them both to shut the fuck up. if you have never managed to tell someone to shut the fuck up in a menacingly friendly way, i hope someday you get the chance and pull it off. they both shut the fuck up immediately. in a month of humiliation i had finally shown a little spine. Turning to my landlord, "Mr. Wrinkles, I am moving out the first of February. I am having some emotional difficulties and do not wish to speak with you." "If I had known this," pointing to the husk of the burned mattress, "I would never have rented ...." He stopped talking because i had started a quick walk over to whip his republican slum lord ass. i repeat at this point that i was CRAZY, no one should have trusted me with anything. Mr. Wrinkles got the message and got in his lexus and left. i never talked to him in person again. nancy and i stood there and i felt every ounce of hate i had for 16 years of her bullshit. the wind blew my hair back, it is the only time i have ever been happy with my hair in my entire life. i was an angry man. i looked it. "You should have asked me before you told him you were moving out, now where are me and the kids going to live?" wtf? it can be many things, a sound, a motion, a feeling, a universal vibe that everything around you can feel. my WTF? was all those things. i laughed so hard i nearly puked my guts out. by the time i straightened up she was standing there with a very puzzled expression. i decided to clarify things: "those children will never live with you again for the rest of your entire life. you are a terrible mother, a terrible person, and i hope more than anything that you get exactly what you deserve. i hate you. leave and never come back." she left and never came back. i called my work and told them i quit. i had gone crazy and was not fit to carry on with my job. i was a danger to myself and others. they let me take a month off, and i could decide what to do after that. it was the best month ever! the kids and i played fable all the way in every possible way. there was a lot of gay rape. i had lined up a place, had enough money to get started, and was going with our basic shit, and nothing else was coming. and on January 30, 2006 the kids and i burned everything. more to come, promised AK that i would go to the craft store to get some shit she needs for some shit she is doing (a lot more about AK later) |
now i am going to tell you the second funniest thing i have ever seen:
it is a week before Christmas in 2007. i am meeting nancy and her boyfriend at the mall to pick up the kids. at this point i have still never met the guy. he has stolen my wife (good job too, i was glad she was gone), and buried my dog. he was justifiably afraid of me and demanded a public meeting place, hence the mall. i look down on myself and realize there is blood all over my shirt. I HAVE TO GO TO OLD NAVY AND BUY A NEW SHIRT :( i have blood on me because i am working part time as a bartender/bouncer at a local biker bar, and i had to stop two dudes in ass less chaps from fucking the whole place up. one of them bleeds all over me. i put the old navy shirt over the bloody shirt and the blood immediately soaks through. sigh. now i look as crazy as i feel, and it is all because of bubba. now this may seem like the funny part, and it is pretty great, but it is just setting the mood. NANCY'S TRAILER BURNED THE FUCK DOWN :lol i had a daydream about it. pure clear dream. i knew it happened. and when i got off work and turned on my cell phone, it immediately rang. Nancy. "You killed my dog." is how i answered. and i hung up. i went on to work at the bar. it was a slow night and i was trying to close early. a big tub of redneck lard shambles into the bar, and makes it clear he wants to stay. he starts asking me if there are any places with female bartenders open. how the fuck should i know? i ignore him and he tells me a story Once not so long ago, him and his buddies used to go to a bar and when the place closed and the bartender, a girl named nacy (knda fat, brown hair), would let him and his buddies fuck her. one time they forgot condoms (thank god she made them use them) and she wrapped their dicks in saran wrap and took it in the ass and mouth... (eww..) i went home to my parents house, watched fiddler on the roof with the girls, made fun of the movie, and when the girls went to bed i went to the living room. i put my head in my mothers lap and cried for the last time over nancy. i was so fucking glad to be rid of her. so with this in mind, looking a hot mess, and strung out from constant driving and a lot of energy drinks i was sitting and waiting for nancy and dipshit to finish whatever they were doing with my son and i was hating god a little more than usual. and then god sent me a miracle. this douche bag comes running in with about a dozen Pomeranian on a big dog walker. since one of our favorite family activities is to make fun of the rest of the world, and this guy looked like as smug as the winner of the biggest cock contest at Slutty Whore Beach. and he was whisking his dogs off to get portraits at the mother fucking Sears portrait studio. so i hit my daughter in the arm. and just as she looks one of the gaggle of dogs lays a huge piece of pipe on the floor, about ten feet from the entrance to the food court in a busy mall. and king cock just keeps cruising. we laugh at the whole scene. and at once we both realize that there is a turd lurkiing at the entrance of a busy mall. anyone can step on it. we just have to wait for it to go down. there are MANY close calls. some so close it is astounding that it has not gone down yet. and then comes the kid. ever meet a kid who did need ADD medicine? this kid was that kid on crack, his mother told him to shut up well over twenty times in the short period of time we shared together. watching him dance. over the turd. he jumped over the turd. he marched over the turd. he was mr. goddamn bojangles and he danced over poo in worn out velcro shoes. and he had no idea the turd was there. and missed stepping on it by a margin of cunt hair well over three hundred times in the ten minutes we watched him. there were well over a thousand near misses that were more hope than anything. this kid did not stop moving until his mom spock pinched him and he fell to his knees right over the turd. from the angle i had it looked like a little brown boner. my daughter and i laughed so hard. we still talk about this at least once a week. the mother drug the kid off, the turd was intact, and we could not handle any more. what happened to the turd i dont know. if you want i will tell you a story about the cleaning crew for that mall at another time that is also a very funny tale on it's own. remind me if you like. and that is how god apologized to me for killing my dog. very appropriate. next is the funniest thing i ever saw, i hope you enjoyed this one :) |
Never expected to see this story have anything added to it. Loving it, keep the updates a rollin'.
e: but yes, seriously glad to hear that you told nancy off and that she's worthless. Can't really imagine myself in a situation quite like yours, but I can appreciate how it's hard to end things even if they are shitty. |
I think I should just subscribe to this thread, and I never subscribe to threads in a forum ever
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I remember reading this thread a long time ago. And I'm also as big as a scared little dork when it comes to making comments as I was then.
George, I am happy you finally stood up and came to terms with yourself and I look forward to more stories from your life. You are a king of kings and I hope your life is a shit ton better than it was then. |
George, welcome back! I thought you were dead. :eek
If that's the second funniest thing you ever saw, God help us all! :lol |
And write a book already. >:
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the funniest thing i ever saw.....
i had beaten Fable, Solid Snake, and Spiderman. i had pulled the kids out of school. i had put everything else i needed to do off to the last moment. i was having a great time. the day had come to destroy yesterdays life. i began by taking all the small stuff. linens, the odd copy of Swank, everything had to go. dirty clothes? not anymore :) i piled all of this in a small circle in my back yard, and poured about a gallon of gasoline on it. then i got the bigger shit. dressers, bed frames, anything that would burn. finally there was nothing left but the couch. a great big sleeper couch from the 1960's that we inherited when Nancy's weirdo wife swapping uncle had croaked. it was huge and heavy. the house i lived in had a set of wooden steps up to the door, and i had only one choice. i had to flip the couch over the porch rail so that it could fall 10 feet to the ground. we hoped it would come apart in some sort of gravity assisted explosion. the kids gathered around the porch. i heaved one side onto the railing. i got to the other side and flipped the whole thing over the side. the couch tumbled twice in the cold air, and landed on it's side. the bed part popped open and a squirrel skeleton with a bushy tail came flying out and we all screamed. then we all puked, then started laughing. and laughing. we had slept on that couch. lived on it. and the skeleton seemed to say it all. we had a lot of fun throwing it and chasing each other around with it. this may be the part where i fail to express to you how funny this really was. how grim and serious i had been all day. how scared the kids were to have their world changing so fast. how strange i felt in my own life. how i had a part of me saved by the most oddly preserved skeleton i had ever seen. once we calmed down we added the couch to a burn pile that was easily six feet tall. i added a lot more gasoline. and i ended that part of my life with a fire. |
How appropriate.
I often appreciate the cleansing nature of a good rip roaring bonfire. |
man that fucking thing burned like the heart of god.
i dont know sometimes. when i look back on all of this and it really seems like it happened to someone else. when i started this thread i was pretty full of raw emotion and was still angry, but life literally changed the day i last updated it. when i finish telling this to you guys i will never tell this story again. i kinda fall into the emotion of it when i am writing, but i feel really dispassionate about it. that life is over in every way and it is hard to remember how vacant i felt. sigh. uh most of the stuff to come is pretty happy and good. there is a few little nasty parts with Nancy, and i exact my revenge, and i win. so maybe i will get a bit more excited as it all comes to an end. thanks for sticking with me. |
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[ROLL CREDITS]
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THE FILMMAKERS WOULD LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE COOPERATION OF THE GOOD PEOPLE OF MARYLAND
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No credits just yet Gus, george said there was still more
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Breaking my balls, Butters
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:lol
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i am going to the beach today and i will try really hard to organize my thoughts for the next part. i have been trying to keep it all the most sailient points so that it does not turn into a huge mastabatorial bore fest. but there is going to be a lot more before i am done, i think.
i promise i wont fade again, or at least not until i finish this. i owe imockery for a lot of good times in my life and i can finally pay back a little bit in my own way. |
I'm just glad the story didn't end with you getting killed, George. It was kind of looking like things would end that way for a while.
I just hope you aren't going to ditch I-Mockery because it was part of your old life. |
dr. boogie i am back to stay. imockery message boards are my favorite thing about the internet.
then inter racial gang bang porn. |
keep going fgt
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i will work on this all day tomorrow when i am supposed to be working :)
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exactly CF.
2006 to 2007 i was all set to leave for SC and i got a phone call from two different old ladies. call number one was from my mother in law. since Nancy and I had split up, there was a thawing in this relationship. for about 15 years Nancy had been blaming all of our troubles on me, and her mother believed every word of it. a shrew and a man hater, it was not very hard for nancy to convince her that i sucked. but over the last month a lot of the BS Nancy had fed her became obvious lies, and while i never got an apology there had been a few meaningful conversations between us. i was not ready for this call. "Please don't take the kids away from me," she sobbed to me when i answered. "I love them all so much, I should not be punnished for what Nancy has done." this hurt a lot. while i hated this women a great deal, and had been on the bad end of her hatred for a long time she was a GREAT grandmother. She had been there for my kids (and me by assosciation) their entire lives. Even though i worked hard, we were not rich and more or less lower middle class. Nancy's mom was/is rich, and gave the kids a lot of things they would have had to do without if not for her. i told her that i was not taking the kids away out of spite, but that i felt that it was best for them and me to leave our small community where everyone knew me and Nancy, and their friends parents knew all about Nancy's activities and my meltdown. it was really hard to tell a crying old lady no, but my heart was set, plus i rembered being thrown out of her house the day after christmas. i was determined not to be fooled again. the next old lady to call me was my mother. she had been keeping it a secret, but she had lung cancer. small cell, the kind that is supposed to kill you really fast. doctors gave her less than six months to live. she had to quit working, and her and my father had exhausted their savings caring for my grandmother who had died of brain cancer. they needed help to cover their bills and to maintain their farm. would i please come stay with them in Virginia? sigh. i could not say no. i hung up the phone and just watched the world go by. called the job i had left, begged to get it back, and me and the kids moved to VA. i would regret this decision a great deal. i spent the next year of my life driving. it was one hunrded miles each way to my job. i slept on the floor in my daughters room because my snoring kept my son awake. between a giant car payment, paying for gas, and helping my parents out i watched my financial life slowly crashing down. i needed another job, and i found a bartending job at a biker bar called Good Times. i began sleeping in my car 2 to 3 nights a week. i drank more red bull than the law should allow. i fell asleep wherever i was. one day at work my boss pulled me aside: "you sleep all the time, you are disrespectful, lazy, and don't ever come to work on time, and you are always broke, you're the blackest motherfucker here" I was the only white person :) i got assigned to the worst job they had, grinding a very dangerous chemical (it was know to explode from time to time while being ground) into a superfine powder. and my real troubles began. between never really sleeping, the red bull, driving all the time, and the chemicals at work i began having headaches. they would start with everything seeming a bit too bright, a vauge citrus smell, and then it would feel like the backs of my eyes had caught fire, then my whole head. i have never know pain like this in my life and noithing made it go away. i was in a constant nightmare of pain. and then i started to get cysts. i still have some in my arm, and one in my back. on occasion they would surface and burst like the biggest zits in the world. on top of the pain of the headaches it was not very fun. i struggled on like this for most of 2006, i never saw the kids (or at least not as much as i wanted), and i was slowly going broke. something had to change. one friday night at Good Times a fight broke out. three or four hillbillys got into it with some bikers. the bikers were very regular customers, and they essentially ran the place. the bouncer was a member of the biker gang and they beat the piss out of a couple of the hillbillys, and threw the rest out. the bikers stayed and the night followed it's regular course. except, the hillbilly's went and got a bunch of buddies and returned to try and start a brawl. the bouncer met them at the door. he got in a fight with three guys, while about five others helped out by punching and randommly sneaking in blows on the bouncer. the bouncer fell to the ground with one of the hillbillys. the other hillbillies decided to start stomping on the bouncer, indiscriminately stomping their friend as well. the hillbilly tried to crawl away. in court no one could prove who did it, but somone kicked the crawling hillbilly it the head. his head happened to be on one of those concrete parking ties. his skull got crushed. by the time we were able to get outside the dude was already dead. there was blood coming out of every hole in his head and the side of his skull was crushed in. i once saw a man get choppped up by an airplane propeller and it was awful, this was even worse. i had a guy put his tounge in my ear (uninvited), had dudes (bikers) offer to suck my dick in the parking lot, seen about a thousand sets of tits (due to my SHOW ME YOUR TITS AND GET A FREE DRINK POLICY), broken up about a million fights, and worked in a very loud nightclub with a constant headache for seven months. this guy dying was enough. i quit the next day. and a few weeks later got a job at Outback, and it was the best job i ever had...... more to come :) |
Damn George, I thought there would be some cheer in this chapter
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the fun will start in the next two parts. i think it is almost done. i wasted a little time being drunk an fighty last night.
i am almost done i think. |
Good guys always win
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word
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IT IS WHAT WE DO MY FRIEND
i love the fun of going against people who dont suck. too often there are lurkers that are just to weak to fight with. i have an idea for a game!!!!! |
I agree with Pent. We need more FUNNY in this story.
:chuckleworthy I still think you should take this thread and expand it to book length. Throw in a few dragons and "Avada Kedavra's" and you might even have a theme park. |
I was not expecting that! :eek
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Okay, we are almost there!!!
This part gets a little involved because a lot of new characters get added. I don't like getting off topic when i am wrting this cause it is all unedited first draft and i will most likely drift off point and never come back if i do. so i am going to describe all the characters i can think are relevant to the rest of the story: Brian W. and Ivy i met Brian W. when i started working at outback. i did not have any friends and when he asked me to hang out with him i was suprised. for the last year and a half NO ONE was my friend. aside from the kids i talked to people at work and no one else, and never when we were off work. i did not have anywhere to go, and was pretty lonely so i accepted. we went back to his place after work and i was pretty suprised to meet Ivy. Brian was one of those guys that it suprises you when you find out they are straight, so him having a girlfriend was unexpected. Ivy looked like a bruenett version of Heather Grahms character in Boogie Nights, except just a bit chubbier. She was all sexy and dangerous (her job was being a coke dealer) and very fun to be around. We smoked a lot of weed, did lots of coke and played NCAA basketball of some sort on Brian's xbox. it was the best time i had in years. i had made a few freinds. Ivy was especially good at hooking me up with chicks. i dont sleep around a lot, but i love women and most epsecially flirting with them. Ivy would find whatever girl she wanted me to hang out with (she had good taste too) and walk her up to me, tell the chick how awsome i am, and then split. This worked well and led me to see one of the greatest things i have ever saw. Her name was Sophia and i met her in just the way i described above. i was standing at the bar, and checking out everyone dressed up for Halloween. pretty much minding my business. and Ivy dressed as a slutty nurse appears out of the crowd pulling a pretty little angel along behind her. it was like two of my old Hook Ups shirts come to life. pretty fucking cool, and it was friendship at first site. You ever meet somone and know instantly that you were gonna be friends? Sophia and i started talking, kept talking until closing, and talked for a long time at breakfast, and then on the phone for about a week. then she asked if i would hang out with her while she worked. i was not expecting much, early on Sophia told me that she walked dogs for a living. i figured that it would be cool to hang out but not much fun. i picked her up at her house around noon. as we drove to what i thought was the first house on her route she told me a story i had not heard yet. "I was raped when I was twelve years old," she said. She was all white blonde hair and freckles across her nose, and her blue eyes were very serious. "And then," she continued "I got raped by one of my neighbors. A big tall black guy. He knew my parents were gone, he broke in the house. I never told on him, and he came back and did it a few more times until my family moved. Eventually I started to like him doing it." i just nodded, this was a bit deeper than i expected. She was so innocent looking. it made me sad that so many people had hurt her. i was sort of at a loss for words. We arrived at the house, and she knocked on the door. A huge black guy answered the door. "Who the fuck is that?" he asked, not even looking at me. "My manager," Sophia said with a big smile. Huge black chuckled and held the door for us. There were about ten naked black dudes, a bed in the middle of the room, a couple of cameras, and a small lighting rig. Sophia took off her clothes, and i tried really hard to look cool. For next few hours i watch Sophia get fucked in every possible way. it was insane. not the dirtiest thing i ever saw, but a close second. i could not stop watching. When it was all over Huge black handed me a huge wad of cash (3,000 i would later learn) and Sophia and i went our merry way. i felt like a motherfucking pimp. later we sat in my car smoking a joint. "I realized when I was 18 that i could not fuck enough. i never felt angry about being raped, just confused because i liked it so much. doing this is pretty much the same as a rape, and i get paid for it. What do you think?" "As long as your happy." we stayed friends for awhile, but she "worked" a lot, and we eventually each had other shit to do. this was the sort of shit Brian W. and Ivy got me into. They were the catalyst for me starting a whole new social life. we had a lot of fun together. i really dont know if they come up much again, but i really wanted to tell the porn star story. but just the same, i was back in the game. next, dsprings... |
Get to the part where you have to lower Nancy into the molten steel and she gives you a thumbs up but you piss on her hand.
(+1 for black rape) |
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whelp didn't see that coming
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Did you at least fluff a few of the participants?
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right :yum |
George, you are the kind of person I wear hats for.
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George is the kind of person I take my hat off for.
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 Works every time |
WANT.
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what does that mean? WANT.
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MEANS
SHIRT WANT OWN We used to just draw our feelings on walls though |
Thanks for the clairification. well I hand painted and designed the shirt so if you want to see more check me out on facebook. Name: Amy Kress and George is Jorge Teddy Grahms Villalobos.
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DSprings, an endless party and how it ended.....
I decided to move back to Maryland. I could not afford a place to live with the kids (almost got a mortgage throuh Countrywide, but I was too shitty even for them--thank god) so I worked out a deal with my Mother In Law that I would pay rent to her for the kids, and got an apartment with in my old friend Ronnies house. Now this was pretty much a place to keep my shit, it was not home. I considered it a bedroom in a different house. It was out of the way enough that i never saw Nancy, and i got to spend a lot more time with the kids. without a 200 mile daily drive, and just paying June and my rent I was doing pretty good. i had a good mix of social life, family life, and Ronnie ran a recording studio out of his house so i also had a lot of good music. otherwise Ronnies place was a complete shithole. When my parents delivered the last of my stuff to me my mother cried because she felt scared for me. i felt bad, but the chemo and radiation therapy had worked a miracle--five years after being told she was going to die she was just fine. the cancer may kill her one day, but for now it is in stasis with no sign of growing any time soon. she was always worried about me, and i could see her point this time. i had several housemates. first there was Ronnie, he had really bad arthritis because his mother had broken all his bones with a hammer when he was a baby. the medicine they gave him to treat his arthritis caused severe circulatory problems and his legs had begun to rot, and smell. Ronnie was bedridden, and screamed at the top of his lungs every morning when he shit. Chuck was the fattest, most disgusting person i ever met. he got fired from his job at Wendy's for being too fat, smelly, and stupid. he was now Ronnies nurse, and whipping boy. he also liked to tell me my business, and leave his snot everywhere on his face. and then there was Joe. Joe had at one time been the best musician in our area. his band had been signed to a big deal by Geffen Records and was poised to become famous. and for some reason pretty much all the guys in the band started smoking crack and living up to the reputation of Southern Maryland rednecks. he installed carpets and went on crack binges, but could play the guitar better than anyone i ever saw. otherwise there was always some local band, their buddies, and slutty rock band coke head groupie chicks lounging around. it was fun sometimes, but mostly annoying. i have written most of my life story for the last little while very publicly (or at least to you assholes), but in real life i stay pretty much isolated and i like it. in my travels with Brian and Ivy i ran into an old friend named Lizzy. Lizzy had dated a friend of mine in highschool. he got her pregnant when she was 14, and then killed himself because of some drug dealing issues. Lizzy had a really funny way of talking and i liked hanging out with her. She came to hang out with me one night and she stayed for a few months. not as my guest though :( her and Joe hooked up, and would hide in his room and smoke crack and fuck. i had a little garter snake. i liked getting high and putting a little fishbowl in the middle of the snakes tank and watching the snake kill goldfish. it was the only thing i really had. and one night i came home and my snake was gone, along with anything of mine that could have some sort of value. i was very upset. in the room next to mine Joe and Lizzy were fucking. when they finished Lizzy came to my room and very sincerely apologized for stealing my shit and trading it for crack. then Ronnie and Chuck wanted to have a house meeting with me to dicuss how I needed to take on some of the burden of caring for Ronnie and household chores. i changed the agenda of the meeting and told them to fuck off. then my car broke down. i had 99 problems, and a bitch would become one. |
DSprings, an endless party and how it ended.....
I decided to move back to Maryland. I could not afford a place to live with the kids (almost got a mortgage throuh Countrywide, but I was too shitty even for them--thank god) so I worked out a deal with my Mother In Law that I would pay rent to her for the kids, and got an apartment with in my old friend Ronnies house. Now this was pretty much a place to keep my shit, it was not home. I considered it a bedroom in a different house. It was out of the way enough that i never saw Nancy, and i got to spend a lot more time with the kids. without a 200 mile daily drive, and just paying June and my rent I was doing pretty good. i had a good mix of social life, family life, and Ronnie ran a recording studio out of his house so i also had a lot of good music. otherwise Ronnies place was a complete shithole. When my parents delivered the last of my stuff to me my mother cried because she felt scared for me. i felt bad, but the chemo and radiation therapy had worked a miracle--five years after being told she was going to die she was just fine. the cancer may kill her one day, but for now it is in stasis with no sign of growing any time soon. she was always worried about me, and i could see her point this time. i had several housemates. first there was Ronnie, he had really bad arthritis because his mother had broken all his bones with a hammer when he was a baby. the medicine they gave him to treat his arthritis caused severe circulatory problems and his legs had begun to rot, and smell. Ronnie was bedridden, and screamed at the top of his lungs every morning when he shit. Chuck was the fattest, most disgusting person i ever met. he got fired from his job at Wendy's for being too fat, smelly, and stupid. he was now Ronnies nurse, and whipping boy. he also liked to tell me my business, and leave his snot everywhere on his face. and then there was Joe. Joe had at one time been the best musician in our area. his band had been signed to a big deal by Geffen Records and was poised to become famous. and for some reason pretty much all the guys in the band started smoking crack and living up to the reputation of Southern Maryland rednecks. he installed carpets and went on crack binges, but could play the guitar better than anyone i ever saw. otherwise there was always some local band, their buddies, and slutty rock band coke head groupie chicks lounging around. it was fun sometimes, but mostly annoying. i have written most of my life story for the last little while very publicly (or at least to you assholes), but in real life i stay pretty much isolated and i like it. in my travels with Brian and Ivy i ran into an old friend named Lizzy. Lizzy had dated a friend of mine in highschool. he got her pregnant when she was 14, and then killed himself because of some drug dealing issues. Lizzy had a really funny way of talking and i liked hanging out with her. She came to hang out with me one night and she stayed for a few months. not as my guest though :( her and Joe hooked up, and would hide in his room and smoke crack and fuck. i had a little garter snake. i liked getting high and putting a little fishbowl in the middle of the snakes tank and watching the snake kill goldfish. it was the only thing i really had. and one night i came home and my snake was gone, along with anything of mine that could have some sort of value. i was very upset. in the room next to mine Joe and Lizzy were fucking. when they finished Lizzy came to my room and very sincerely apologized for stealing my shit and trading it for crack. then Ronnie and Chuck wanted to have a house meeting with me to dicuss how I needed to take on some of the burden of caring for Ronnie and household chores. i changed the agenda of the meeting and told them to fuck off. then my car broke down. i had 99 problems, and a bitch would become one. this continues..... |
miniseries on Hallmark channel please
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now that is in part how i came to live with Nancy again.
Jason was the most awkward human being i have ever met. he was deaf in one ear, bald at twenty something and had seizures. Tuesday had a daily fake seizure at 10:20 am. the first time i met Jason i was meeting Nancy to give her the kids for Easter, and she was taking them to Jason's family house to celebrate the holiday. we met in front of a Bob Evans that would come to be house of humiliation for Jason. just as Nancy and Jason (see his picture below, we nicknamed him Mister Magnet) approached, Tuesday launched into a seizure. I laughed right in Jason's stupid face.  Now that day, i was all alone. i actually spent the day sitting in my car listening to Johnny Cash and smoking cigarettes. i also put the sheemie curse on him. i had been cursed once as a child. my mother had left us in the care of this creepy old gypsy lady that she knew from work. Auris fancied herself a gypsy witch and scared the living hell out of me and my brother. we went outside to avoid having to be around Auris in her smelly house. Auris had a rather large German Sheppard. it promptly attacked my little brother, knocking him to the ground and latching onto his hand. There was a small pile of Alternators on the porch, i grabbed one and smashed the dog over the head with it. several times. Auris was pretty mad that i killed her dog in such a graphic matter. she said that i was being put in her curse book. i did not think much of it until years later when i was hanging out with a Marine buddy of mine named Soto and his wife Deeana. We were pretty drunk, and Deeana came up to me and said she was a witch and that i had been cursed. Jason confirmed that she was a powerful witch. Deeana insisted on having a ceremony to break the curse. Soto and Deeana left the room. a few minutes later they came back and Deeana was naked. we sat in a triangle with Deeana facing me. Ever sat across from an attractive naked girl sitting cross legged? it was great fun. the whole ceremony i stared at Deeana's pussy and tits. I don't think the whole removal ceremony worked, but i did have something to jerk off about for days. and i became a firm believer in the power of that gypsy bitches curse. for the record Auris died in 2009, my Mom went to her funeral. i took all my rage and hate and focused it on Jason, on his family, and everything he cared about. i honestly and sincerely begged the whole universe to fuck with this guy. and it worked like a fucking charm :) the next morning his brother was smoking PCP while driving to work and rammed the back of a private ambulance. the oxygen tanks were not properly secured in the ambulance and exploded from the impact (my curse was so powerful it had collateral damage) and killed two people. his brother is still in jail and will be for a long time to come. he got thrown out of his band because one night when they were doing a show he looked out in the crowd and saw Nancy making out with another dude. he started crying and refused to keep playing. and all of his share of the money for a trailer to haul their band shit burned in a fire that he was responsible for. he wrecked his brand new car in a DUI. Nancy took to beating him up on a regular basis. in a memorable event that was related to me by my sister in law and June Nancy flipped a table over at the Bob Evans i mentioned earlier and attacked Jason. the police had to come get her off him. June was pretty disgusted that Jason had cried. Jason was the cause of the fire at their trailer. in the hours after it burned down i was an arson suspect. i had come there a few days prior in the middle of the night. i made them listen to the Johnny Cash song "When the man comes around" like ten times, and made them hide something for me. i was pumping gas. i saw a shaving bag on top of the pump. i was vaugely curious about what was in it. i thought it might be a bomb or something. i opened the bag. it was filled with drugs and money. $500 in cash, about three ounces of weed, and two hundred ecstacy pills (daisy's). i kept the weed and money, but i was scared to drive around with all those pills. the only person i knew in the world to give them to was Nancy. after making them listen to Johnny Cash and hiding my bag of drugs, i was feeling pretty nice towards them. i offered to install the washer and dryer Jason's parents had gotten them. i believe they were a little scared of me, and told me that Jason was looking forward to installing them. when the fire investigator cleared my good name by declaring the fire a result of an improperly installed dryer i felt pretty cool about losing all the pills. Nancy and Jason had to live in his parents basement for a awhile. they eventually rented a basement apartment from a guy named Walt brown. on their first night there they had the kids over. Jason was tasked with cooking a Digornio pizza (the kind with cardboard on the bottom). He forgot to take the cardboard off and it caught fire in the oven. Nancy put it out, and then slammed the melted and burned pizza messy side down over his head. he ran out into the night crying and never came back. my curse was comlete. and so about a week before my snake got stolen for crack Nancy needed a roommate. it did not seem like a great idea, but i did not figure it would be too awful. it was more awful than ever. if i was there alone with her she would try to seduce me and then go apeshit crazy on me. so for my own personal safety i made sure we were never alone. and i started a never ending party. |
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Sounds like the best remedy to Nancy is to set her on fire till she burns to ash, put the ash in the soil of a plant, feed that plant to a gopher, then set the gopher on fire
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the first participant in the party was my friend DSprings. he gave me a ride home after work because my shitty car would not start. he agreed to hang out and have a beer. we walked in the door and Nancy was masterbating in front of her computer, and some Iranian guy was watching over skype. it ruined skype for me, but just the same DSprings and I fell out laughing.
and every night DSprings came over after work and we hung out drinking all night. then i would go to work. this went on for a week or two and we picked up a third drinking buddy, and then a fourth. and before you could say boo it turned into people from pretty much any restaurant in the local area turning up. WaltB, my landlord did not mind because there was a lot of hot young ass coming to these parties. there was one night where i jumped a trampoline with a girl after sharing half a paper with her. her tits flew out while we were jumping and were amazing to watch in an altered state. one night a girl gave my dog a whole bottle of sour apple pucker and he stumbled off into the night. he returned with a female beagle that he later attempted to hump. it was really good fun, it i wasn't with the kids or at work i was at a really great party. and Nancy hated it. so, when a guy she had been fucking got sent overseas to Japan and needed a renter she jumped on the chance to move out I was glad to have her gone. i let the kids move in with her and paid child support and everything was pretty cool. now you would think the party would end here, but it did not. instead it intensified. with no bitch around to complain and give dirty looks, even more women came over. and then we had a Christmas party for Outback at a hotel. there was a group of us. we all took six pieces of paper. and there was a lot of trouble...... |
i have never been in trouble for anything i have done wrong. i am one of those people that justice just seems to overlook. or i just have good luck with cops.
once i got pulled over by a cop. i knew i was in troublle and that the car was going to get impounded. i had made the registration stickers using photo shop and a little experience from my sign shop days. my registration card was counterfeit as well. and as the cop walked up to my car i spotted a half ounce of weed in the door handle. Nancy had bought it ealier (i guess) and forgot about it. trying not to panic, i slowly take the weed out of the doorhandle and then deposit it in a McDonalds drink cup that had been living life in my cupholder as an ash tray. the lid was barely on, i slipped the weed in and snapped the top on. when the cop got to my window i took a big sip from the straw. the whole thing took about two hours because they really wanted to know where the stickers came from. they were very impressed with my forgery. i gave the only answer anyone should give a cop "i don't know." eventually the cop gave us a ride home. turns out he had been staioned on a base with me in the Marines. he shook my hand when he dropped us off. i just shook my head and clutched my cup of cigarette water and weed and wondered at the miracle of it all as he drove off. so on the night of the Christmas party, as i stood in front of a cop, and tried not to stare at the walls melting as five tabs started to peak i began to wonder if i had used all my cop luck up in that one incident. i was pretty sure i was going to have to attempt to knock this motherfucker out. i had planned to be safely in my hotel room listening to music and tripping balls and in general having a great time. instead i had to go find Adam. Adam was not supposed to be given any paper, he had never done any drugs and i had made it clear that i did not want him to start when i was around. so when our hippie pal Monkey Boy gave him a freebie out of a small messenger bag filled with more sheets of paper that i had ever seen it was done with a great deal of promises of people babysitting Adam. the babysitters failed at their task almost immediately, and about twenty minutes after Adam took paper the phone rang. it was Adam. he was in the lobby, and yelling into the hotel phone about how he was tripping balls and starting to freak out. somone had to go get him, and somehow i got elected. a guy named mike agreed to come with me. we got to the lobby. the kid was gone. a few minutes of cell phone calls between people out of their gourds established that Adam had made it back to the room. Mike and i got off the elevator on the third floor there was like ten dudes fighting. mike and i eased our way around the fight. this was just too much, i was so happy to be back at the room. george was almost out of contact for awhile. just as i was about to turn the corner and go down the short hallway to my room, a voice that could only belong to a cop shouted, "where do you think you're going?" one of the cops working hotel security (the christmas party the year before there had been massive damage and disturbance at this hotel, and there was A LOT of security this year) had spotted us as they arrived to break up the big fight. he wanted to fuck with us a little. we went around the corner and tried to get in the room. he came around the corner just as we were knocking to be let in. "Just going to our room," i said as he caught up to us, "is there a problem?" i asked it with what I thought just the right amount of I AM A VERY SERIOUS ADULT, DONT FUCK WITH ME. I knocked again. and no one answered. "Really?" officer friendly asked with a little bit of sarcastic interest in his voice. "how come no ones answering?" as if on cue the door flew open, Monkey Boy looked out. then slammed the door and locked the bolt lock thing that is on hotel doors. the cop and i stared at each other. we were both very suprised. a few moments passed, and the sound of breaking glass seemed to come from far away. there was a life sentence in prison waiting for me and everyone in that room if the cop came in. i was tripping hard. mike was tripping hard. the cop stared alternately at me and the door. i was not letting him go in that room no matter what. the cop stood there looking scary and very thoughtful. finally he shook his head. "Go into your room, and if i see you again i am arresting you and everyone in the room. disappear." and we did. Monkey Boy had jumped right out of a third story window. Adam went home and told his Mom everything. She told DSpring's Mom. Adam and DSprings got sent off to a mental hospital (very overprotective parents, i dont blame them for being worried or mad, but a mental hospital?) DSprings is still having issues with all the Meds they put him on there. the rest of that night about a million mother fuckers came to our room to try and buy paper cause Adam had told everyone at the party we were tripping. everyone knew. we got an instant bad reputation. wich was fine. the party was over for now. i bought a cat and named him Mr. Orange. I sat alone in my apartment at night and talked to the cat. |
Hot damn George, this is like Forrest Gump retold by David Lynch.
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This makes listening to David Attenborough talking about the planets exploding and melting into space sound like a hobo farting into an empty coffee can through a hardee's drive through speaker.
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That was vivid
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i want to clear something up.
every time i come back to imockery some sort of crazy shit goes down. then i lose my natural stopping point. i will think, "jorge, this is where this should end. it can't go on forever." and so i will pick up writing to get to that point. then some other shit happens. always when i think i am just about to be happy, and get some sort of cathartic effect out of writing this it all happens again. so i am always reluctant to get started again because i dont like letting people down and i do love these forums. i think they are a million times better than reddit :) i just always return when i think i can be consistent and i am pretty wrong every time. so here i go again. just to be clear, i am sorry for being a dick tease with this story. if anything the fits and starts should make completely clear the sort of life i have (am) lived (living) it all goes on. |
See you next year!
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You're lucky your stories are so horrifyingly engrossing, George.
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i just stopped reading harry potter to get ready for this shit.
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Finish reading Harry Potter, you have plenty of time.
There's some Diablo like wait time between chapters in this saga |
All a y'all shut up and wait for the story
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^^^
Someone subscribed to this thread and hates the cock tease of a 'reply to the :"what happened to me" thread email' |
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