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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

RaNkeri Sep 26th, 2008 11:16 AM

I have diabeetus, what's your excuse?

Chojin Sep 26th, 2008 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 582114)
You're so fucking fat Rankeri seriously

words are like bullets

wobzire Sep 26th, 2008 03:03 PM

I think the next time 'Willie' looks at his Q&A thread he will quit the internet forever.

Dixie Sep 26th, 2008 03:50 PM

More viking questions!

Tadao Sep 26th, 2008 03:51 PM

Capital idea

Kitsa Sep 26th, 2008 05:19 PM

I got called a stupid cunt today, for no apparent reason.

Tadao Sep 26th, 2008 05:26 PM

That happened to me, so I beat the living shit out of the kid. His mom kept screaming "No no! He has turrets!" I went home and googled it later and found out about this awesome disease.

Kitsa Sep 26th, 2008 05:32 PM

Super story, Tadao!

I think this was just some random prick whose balls are bigger online.

wobzire Sep 26th, 2008 06:10 PM

Just now on the way home some kid on the train bumped into me and I told him the only reason I use the train to get around is because they are keeping an eye out for people like me on the Greyhound bus'.

Pub Lover Sep 26th, 2008 06:10 PM

Was it me? :(

Pub Lover Sep 26th, 2008 06:31 PM

Way to post at the same time as me, Wobby. :(
Quote:

Originally Posted by Apple Juice (Post 581396)
Do you actually like Sara Palin?

Way to be off topic, New Guy. :(

And yes. I think she is great. I also do think teaching creationism in American science classes is good.

It should be noted that I am a communist in the employ of China. :(

Kitsa Sep 26th, 2008 06:41 PM

No, it wasn't you. When you call me a cunt it's just sillygoodtimefun.

*huggles*

WhiteRat Sep 26th, 2008 08:51 PM

Gunshots were fired at my apt complex today. My room mate said he heard two shots and then heard a man hootin' and hollerin'. He looked out the window and saw that the man had 2 of his car windows shot out. 6 squad cars came, stood around for a while and then left. God bless this mess.

Fathom Zero Sep 26th, 2008 09:48 PM

I was told my on-post libary priviledges were taken away today.

My dad fucking sucks.

Sam Sep 26th, 2008 09:50 PM

What does that even mean :(

WhiteRat Sep 26th, 2008 09:59 PM

Kid can't check out books at the base library.

Fathom Zero Sep 26th, 2008 10:00 PM

And I wanted to learn Esperanto, too. >:

Sam Sep 26th, 2008 10:03 PM

Were you looking at sex books?

WhiteRat Sep 26th, 2008 10:05 PM

He was doing inappropriate things to himself why ogling an issue of Ranger Rick.

Sam Sep 26th, 2008 10:07 PM

I'm sure if it had been an issue of Highlights For Kids no one would have paid it any mind.

Fathom Zero Sep 26th, 2008 10:10 PM

Oh man, goofus and gallant get me wet.

WhiteRat Sep 26th, 2008 10:20 PM

What base are you at again?

Fathom Zero Sep 26th, 2008 10:28 PM

Ft. Sill, Home of the Field Artillery, King of Battle.

Or so I am told by the private security contractor the government has hired to check IDs at the gate.

WhiteRat Sep 26th, 2008 10:40 PM

Ha, we have those same contractors that wear AF abu's that are worn improperly and look like shit.

Do you have a lot of asian women that work on base, mainly the PX?

Fathom Zero Sep 26th, 2008 10:50 PM

Fuck yeah, tons of Japanee and Korean ladies hobbling around, mainly as baggers at the commissary. Some of them were nice, but a lot of them didn't like me, like when I tried to help other baggers struggling with an assload of groceries at a closing register, they'd accuse me of cutting in line. Just one of the reasons why I left and didn't come back, that and the Quasimodo-esque Korean lady that chewed on oats right behind me, but yeah.

They're all married to soldiers so they can get visas.

WhiteRat Sep 26th, 2008 11:16 PM

Yup, that's the military way. You marry a Japanese or Korean broad with the promise that she'll be able to work at the "Big PX in the Sky". I was really surprised to see so many asians working on base when I came here to Florida, though.

Sam Sep 26th, 2008 11:19 PM

I GUESS THE MILITARY IS ALL ABOUT GETTIN SOME SUCKY SUCKY

WhiteRat Sep 26th, 2008 11:24 PM

For some saps, yes.

Guitar Woman Sep 26th, 2008 11:50 PM

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7637257.stm

I wish this had happened on Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Aaarg Sep 26th, 2008 11:53 PM

She'd like to know God
Love God
Feel, feel, feel her God
Inside of her
Deep inside of her
INSIDE OF HER!
DEEP INSIDE OF HER!

Guitar Woman Sep 27th, 2008 12:45 AM

I WILL BIRTH GOD

OM NOM NOM

WhiteRat Sep 27th, 2008 12:52 AM

For the sake of humanity I hope you abort that shit.

Sam Sep 27th, 2008 01:01 AM

I NEED SOMEONE TO PLAY XBOX 360 WITH ME ;_;

Zomboid Sep 27th, 2008 01:58 AM

HAW, NOT LIKELY BRAW! NIGHT OF THE LEPUS IS ABOUT TO BE ON TCM.

Pub Lover Sep 27th, 2008 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 582136)
I bet Billy Bob got sick of all the death threats from CIG.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carnivore Is God (Post 582168)
I only sent him roadkill once goddammit!

Since when does Billy Bob Thornton not want road kill?

MarioRPG Sep 27th, 2008 09:26 AM

It's Wilford Brimley's Birthday!!!!!!!!! I think he's 600 now.

Pub Lover Sep 27th, 2008 09:32 AM

Nah, he's only 518. :(

Otto Sep 27th, 2008 09:34 AM

He's oatmeal years old.

RaNkeri Sep 27th, 2008 11:30 AM

R.I.P Paul Newman :(

Otto Sep 27th, 2008 01:12 PM

His death makes the salad dressing aisle extremely depressing.

Fathom Zero Sep 27th, 2008 03:03 PM

Fuck you for fucking up my deathpool, you old bastard.

Chojin Sep 27th, 2008 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otto (Post 582414)
His death makes the salad dressing aisle extremely depressing.

this made me lol :<

Kitsa Sep 27th, 2008 07:00 PM

His ginger-o's weren't as good as Trader Joe's, but Trader Joe's stopped selling theirs so fuck them. I elevate his ginger cookies to awesome.

Slap Shot :(

Dixie Sep 27th, 2008 07:18 PM

We had an old man shit himself in the store today.
Way lame.
We had to open all the doors to let the foulness out.
I hope no one thought he ate our food, we might lose business.

Aaarg Sep 27th, 2008 07:45 PM

I worked at a commercial cave over the summer and somebody shit in the cave one day.

Also somebody had taken a shit on one of the aisles in the grocery store a few years ago. We invented a title for the kid who had to clean it up, Fecal Clean-up Manager (FCM!). We would get on the intercom and say "FCM needed on aisle thirteen, please. FCM to aisle thirteen."

Stupid.

Dixie Sep 27th, 2008 09:42 PM

That sounds exciting.
I was hoping I'd no longer have to deal with doodoo after I stopped working with children.

Otto Sep 27th, 2008 09:54 PM

When I worked in a restaurant during the summer, somebody wrote "hello" on the bathroom wall in their own shit.

Pub Lover Sep 27th, 2008 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otto (Post 582554)
Protip: people don't like freaky looking asian meth-heads.

No way! I really like them. :(

Otto Sep 28th, 2008 12:15 AM

Most people like them, until they get too big and become dangerous and then you have to flush them down the toilet.

DevilWearsPrada Sep 28th, 2008 12:28 AM

And that's where urban legends are born

Pub Lover Sep 28th, 2008 12:31 AM


DevilWearsPrada Sep 28th, 2008 12:36 AM

Wom

Kitsa Sep 28th, 2008 12:36 AM

Breaking news.

We were out at that Halloween place not long ago (just before midnight) and as we were coming back along the interstate, we passed this guy who was running like hell. We almost didn't see him, but he had a dirty wifebeater tied around his head.

A little further up, there was a bad accident with police and firetrucks and ambulances and a car that had the entire passenger side smashed in. The other car was in a cornfield about 30 feet away.

It doesn't really make sense for someone to randomly be running like hell along the interstate at night, or for someone who has been in an accident to run away from help. I'm gonna guess he had a warrant or something and was fleeing the scene. What do you think?

WhiteRat Sep 28th, 2008 12:52 AM

He was fucked up off crystal meth.

Dixie Sep 28th, 2008 01:00 AM

Tadao?

pac-man Sep 28th, 2008 02:50 PM

He was just getting some exercise. It's not against the law to go for a midnight run wearing a wifebeater hat. At least I hope not.

wobzire Sep 28th, 2008 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carnivore Is God (Post 582585)
Tadao?

Your going to feel bad when you totally right.

RaNkeri Sep 28th, 2008 04:23 PM

Me: Oh hi, I'm calling from the apartment A14 of *address*, I've bought myself an analog TV and I'm in a need of a digibox, does this appartment have antenna or cable connection?

Maintenance guy: Uhhh...duhhh...what?

Me: Is this appartment an antenna household or a cable household?

Maintenance guy: ...uhh....antenna

Me: you sure about that?

Maintenance guy: Uhhh....yeah...

Me: ok, thanks.

So, I bought myself a fucking digibox, meant for antenna households, only to notice it's not working. I call my landlord, only to learn that my appartment is a cable household.

"Reliable service 24/7" my ass. Fuck the maintenance, fuck the maintenance guy and fuck me for not calling my landlord in the first place >:

kahljorn Sep 28th, 2008 05:52 PM

i didnt know there were such things as "Antaneaa houawholsa" and "cable households"

MetalMilitia Sep 28th, 2008 05:54 PM

Surely checking what type of hole your wall contains would've been easier than phoning people?

Pub Lover Sep 28th, 2008 05:55 PM

Finland.

kahljorn Sep 28th, 2008 06:10 PM

oh thats right

MetalMilitia Sep 28th, 2008 06:54 PM

I was just browsing the Internet for extremely large beanbag chairs and I noticed the company Sumo that make the Omni and SumoSac are using an advert apparently devised by Something Aweful on their website.

http://www.sumolounge-uk.com/indexVideo2.php

Funny.

Anyway - I really want a huge beanbag chair to lounge in but they cost like $199 and probably don't ship to the UK. Since when does a load of shredded foam cost a hundred quid? Pff.

DevilWearsPrada Sep 28th, 2008 06:57 PM

Yeah sumo's using sites like SA and VGCats to write reviews of free chairs they send

MetalMilitia Sep 28th, 2008 06:58 PM

I think with the right beanbag chair I could be looking like this:



Within 4-6 months.

DevilWearsPrada Sep 28th, 2008 07:04 PM

She's sitting the hell out of that chair!

WhiteRat Sep 28th, 2008 07:44 PM

Can a mod delete the spam tennis threads in the Sports forum and maybe ban the ip of the tosser that posted them?

Pub Lover Sep 28th, 2008 08:00 PM

Or chatroom them. :(

Pub Lover Sep 28th, 2008 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chojin (Post 352593)
Yes, Pub Lover is among revered I-Mockery members such as sports, ArrowX, and Khakha.

:lol

Esuohlim Sep 28th, 2008 09:32 PM

So does anyone want me to reveal whose character Yukiko is or do y'all want to keep pretending she's a real person

Esuohlim Sep 28th, 2008 09:33 PM

I'm fine with either option personally

MetalMilitia Sep 28th, 2008 09:34 PM

In that case it's probably Guitar Woman.

Pub Lover Sep 28th, 2008 09:35 PM

Or Jeanette again. :lol

Colonel Flagg Sep 28th, 2008 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 582733)
So does anyone want me to reveal whose character Yukiko is or do y'all want to keep pretending she's a real person

FWIW I vote "spill it".

Regardless what you do, "she's" pretty damned funny.

WhiteRat Sep 28th, 2008 11:33 PM

I'm going to come clean on this one here guys.

Colonel Flagg is actually my character. Didn't see that one comin' now did ya?

pac-man Sep 28th, 2008 11:34 PM

That twist was Shyamalanian.

Sam Sep 28th, 2008 11:35 PM

I ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IS SO DON'T EVEN WASTE YOUR BREATH.

Dixie Sep 28th, 2008 11:49 PM

One of my kittens tried to nurse on my armpit stubble the other day.
A subtle reminder to shave.

Asila Sep 29th, 2008 01:43 AM

Is Tadao on anymore? Oh.

Tadao, I wanna pet your bunny.

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 01:43 AM

as long as it don't try to nurse on your upper lip

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 01:44 AM

and by upper lip, I mean your assho*e

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 01:47 AM

srry but thas all the hairy assho*e jokes I got :(

Dixie Sep 29th, 2008 01:48 AM

Tadao's gone for the weekend on a meth binge.
He'll be back soon.

No worries on the kittens licking my asshole, they've still got claws.

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 01:52 AM

meth is sooooooo 1997 :rolleyes

The Dukes of Hazzard did meth back in the day

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 01:56 AM

oh going back to asshol*s man I ran across a hairy one the other day and i didn't know what to do so i just pretended that i didn't notice she had one :sick

Dixie Sep 29th, 2008 01:57 AM

One of my friends Nairs her butthole.
The problem is that she only does it when she's drunk.
So when she farts it's really funny.

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 01:57 AM

she was all

:SICKBURN

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 01:57 AM

isn't that stuff bad for your skin?

Dixie Sep 29th, 2008 02:00 AM

Yeah, people with sensitive skin can't use it.
But she's tough when you get a bottle of tequila in her, and pretty entertaining too.

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 02:03 AM

tequila no es bueno mi amiga

i have an ex who use to get her stuff waxed. Paid like $50 bucks for it.

what a job to have.

Dixie Sep 29th, 2008 02:04 AM

Dude, imagine the horrors they have to witness.
it's not all cute hot chicks that get their pubes ripped out.

MattJack Sep 29th, 2008 02:09 AM

oh i know.

I think it must be horrible.

Just like being a gynaecologist :barf

What's the term for a dick doctor? Is there even a dick doctor?

Dixie Sep 29th, 2008 02:11 AM

Prostitute.

Asila Sep 29th, 2008 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carnivore Is God (Post 582822)
One of my friends Nairs her butthole.
The problem is that she only does it when she's drunk.
So when she farts it's really funny.


I would so pay to see that.

Dixie Sep 29th, 2008 02:25 AM

The Fart & Splat sounds would have to be able to be heard or else it loses value.

Kitsa Sep 29th, 2008 02:47 AM

Urologist.

I knew a female urologist who used to be a model. Imagine how awkward it'd be going in to see her about your dick problem.

Asila Sep 29th, 2008 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carnivore Is God (Post 582834)
The Fart & Splat sounds would have to be able to be heard or else it loses value.

SEXY

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 582837)
Urologist.

I knew a female urologist who used to be a model. Imagine how awkward it'd be going in to see her about your dick problem.

SEXY

Sam Sep 29th, 2008 10:43 AM

Oh god. :x

MetalMilitia Sep 29th, 2008 11:51 AM

Americans are the worst. In my continuing mission to seek out a huge beanbag chair I called the UK Sumo phone number to ask if I could get the SumSac in the UK (as the Omni is the only product listed on the UK site).
I got through to some American dude and I asked "Is it possible to get the SumoSac through the UK website as the Omni is the only product listed?". After some confusion about what I wanted he went off to find out. Couple of minutes later he told me yes - I could order it through the website. Naturally my next question was "Okay, but it's not listed so how can I do that?". Again there was some confusion and so I asked if I could order it over the phone. Again I was told "yes" at which point I thanked him for his help and hung up. Now call me a cynic but I don't believe for a moment he was giving me an informed opinion on anything - which is weird considering they only basically sell two products.

RaNkeri Sep 29th, 2008 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MetalMilitia (Post 582692)
Surely checking what type of hole your wall contains would've been easier than phoning people?

Unfortunately you can't tell cable plug apart from antenna plug, they look exactly the same :/


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