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-   -   what happend to me, a story for chojin (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69703440)

george Nov 6th, 2009 12:58 PM

what happend to me, a story for chojin
ok this might be a long story, nothing i say in this is to make people feel sorry for me or anything like that. i will be honest with most of it, but in a few spots i will have to take poetic license cause this IS the intraweb and some things are other peoples business and not mine to post. i hope this can go unsaid, but i ask for no pity from anyone on this. i have had time to deal with all of it and i think it is all kind of funny now so:

1995 to about mid 1997

ok, this is to provide a little background, cause the full impact of everything else that happens is lost without a little background.

May 1995: I am offered a comission in the Marines. I have worked six years for this day. It is what i have wanted since I was 17yrs old. My wife Nancy has supported me, and helped me to get to this point. We have just had a new baby. Life is PERFECT. I have money, a nice house, two cars, and I love my wife with all of my heart. When I tell Nancy about being accepted into OCS (under an enlisted comissioning program) she tells me "If you stay in the Marines I will divorce you."

I decide to get out of the Marines. As a side note, I would have been able to retire this year if I had stayed in.

October 1995: I get out of the Marines and we (my family) move in with my mother in law. We move in with her because the death of her husband has left her reeling (oddly enough, he had been on his way to visit Nancy and I and had a car accident) and she literally got on her knees and begged us to move in with her.

Nancy has a surgery at Bethesda Naval Medical Center. It is a simple Gaul Bladder removal, same day release surgery that got postponed cause of her being pregnant, so the military was doing it because it was a legacy condition. They botched it, and it turned into the biggest nightmare that I could have ever imagined. They killed her through incompetence at least three times. The woman that came out of that "Same Day" surgery three months later was a very different version of the person who went in.

December 26, 1995: I get thrown out of my mother in laws house :( i did not see this coming, i came home from work and my shit was packed and MIL and Wife said I had to go. I would later learn that my Wife had told my MIL that I was cheating on her, and that I had a drug problem (it had been three years since i had even had a drink, much less drugs)

February 1996: After living with a friend for a few months I decide to go back in the Marines. I join a unit near my hometown. I have a lot of fun in this unit and a lot of interesting adventures. Nancy in the kids move into base housing with me. Nancy and I fight almost constantly, and it is awful.

July 1996: I am on a deployment in San Diego, CA. I call home to tell my wife I got a tattoo (it had her name on it BTW) and she tells me that she's glad I called because she wouldnt be there when I got back. When I get home all the stuff is gone, and the only thing left is my dog (it had been sick when I left) and it is dead in the middle of what had been the living room.

January 1997: Nancy turns up and asks me for money for an abortion. I am all for a woman having the right to choose and all that, but none of my money will ever go to murder a baby. I convince her to put it up for adoption, and end up taking responsibility for organizing the whole thing for her (mostly be getting her Mom and Sisters to take her to an Adoption agency). I set it up so she can have the baby at the base hospital. When my command realizes that i am helping my estranged wife have another mans baby on the USMC's dime it effectively ends my USMC career, and I am denied reenlistment.

August 1997: Nancy has the baby. I get slapped in the face by a nurse that I had been dating when Nancy and I were split up.

that sums up this part. Nancy and I get back together, mostly because i cannot take being seperated from my children. Things are actually pretty good for awhile, and during this time is when I met a lot of the old imockery crowd (including boring roger and doopa to death at a party at my house :()

ok, i gotta take a break for a minute. more to come...

Fathom Zero Nov 6th, 2009 01:33 PM

If I saw you, George, I'd give you the biggest, bestest hug.

captain516 Nov 6th, 2009 01:41 PM

sad story bro

Shrubfest Nov 6th, 2009 01:47 PM

This is only half of your shit? Christ. Remind me never to grow up.

10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 6th, 2009 02:12 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your dog :(

Zomboid Nov 6th, 2009 02:22 PM

Your ex-wife sounds like a raging cunt. Just sayin'.

The Leader Nov 6th, 2009 02:33 PM

I like this thread. :)

Dimnos Nov 6th, 2009 02:35 PM

How many kids do you have with this cunt lady?

george Nov 6th, 2009 03:32 PM

three kids, and dont cry for me at all, i really mean it. there was all kinds of fun mixed in, and it is just life.

the funny part is coming, i just ran out of time today. i will write more of it when i get home from work tonight.

i promise, it will make you laugh in the end.

Sacks Nov 6th, 2009 04:06 PM

This woman is really good at destroying your career.

Carnivore Nov 6th, 2009 04:07 PM

I'm hooked. Can't wait for the next episode.

Dimnos Nov 6th, 2009 04:42 PM

Need more story time.

10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 6th, 2009 05:06 PM

publish your memoirs

Chojin Nov 6th, 2009 05:18 PM

oh god

Fathom Zero Nov 6th, 2009 05:53 PM

George makes too many threads. :( Now I look like what I really am; comfused.


george Nov 7th, 2009 02:27 AM


Ok, this is the year that I got laid off from Sprint. For those of you who were around then you may remember that I was kind of happy about losing that job. I was pretty much getting paid to come on i-mockery, but if you have ever seen Office Space then you understand how I felt about Sprint. I am the type of guy who likes to work, I am awful if I have a lot of down time.

I get laid off in march and get three months severence pay. Three things happen during this period of time that are embarassing to me personally, but again important to set the end of things:

1. I get smaked out of my gourd every day. For the purpose of conversation I will say I was drinking ;) and I was doing it heavily. I had already lined up a job and had nothing to do for three months except collect checks and get fucked up.

2. I watched the news. I was off work from the very first day of the gulf war, and if you were too young, or had a job maybe you did not get to see the full range of coverage but there was some very, very trippy shit happening in the early days of that war that got shown on the news. Well, the news also did a special segment on a special, legal, way of getting fucked up for cheap. and so I watched a lot of the war in a highly altered state of mind. I also watched the LOTR like a million times.

3. I got too fucked up one night and while sitting outside looking at the stars (and for those of you who have been to what me and the kids refer to as "the white house" you know that there is NOTHING nearby) I had a seizure and from my point of view died in my front yard. I had a vision, it was really fucked up (a story for another day). I woke up to the kids burying me, cause they thought it was funny.

now, you would think I had learned my lesson. but i didnt. i got worse. so at this point Nancy had just about enough of me and my new habits. Mostly cause she had to spend a lot of time at home instead of going out with her friends because I could not be counted on to do ANYTHING except get fucked up and watch LOTR. i in no way try to justify my behavior, but my point of view at the time was that I was on vacation with pay. I was deep in a bad habit, and anyone that has been an addict, or lived with one knows how selfish and self serving they can be. I was as bad as any i can imagine.

until, one day I was watching 60 minutes and they did a special on GHB addiction. this guys kids filmed his deterioration as he got more and more addicted. they did it to try and show him that he had a problem, and man this cat had a BIG fucking problem. The segment ended with this guy blowing his parole by drinking floor cleaner in a Sears cause it had GHB in it.

i went to sleep that night bummed because I was going to have to be sober the next day becuase i had to go to my grandmothers funeral. When I woke up in the morning and looked around my room there was nothing but empty bottles all around my room. It would be a while later that I would see Requim to a Dream but I understood the final scene when the girl is siting in her apartment with about a million bits of paper all around. i was horrified. the whole thing with the guy on TV suddenly came back to me. For the most part I was worried about the kids (i have had open discussions with them about this period of time, and none of them remember anything except that they fucking hate the LOTR, or at least so they say). I quit my new habits that morning, I have been mother and father for these children for most of their lives. They needed me back from vacation.

Nancy loved the fact I had fallen down. Now for those of you who have never been in a NEED based realtionship, there is always the Needy one and the strong one. Nancy knew she was the needy one, and absolutely hated me for it. Now that she had a stick to beat me with, she used my actions to justify ANYTHING she did. and man she did anything.


Terra Nov 7th, 2009 10:03 AM

Wow george. Glad you're still alive.

Colonel Flagg Nov 7th, 2009 05:01 PM

Damn, bro', you been doin' some serious bad mojo. Or something.

Are you sure this will end with a laugh? :confused

george Nov 8th, 2009 12:12 AM

it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.

but there is some funny stuff coming.

i am off work tomorrow and monday so i will prolly finnish this thing up in the next day or so. sorry to keep you waiting for the end of this story, but i had a busy night arguing politics with a bunch of Greeks and a black guy that looks like a black guy made out of a rather large bull :)

Terra Nov 8th, 2009 11:02 AM

When you argue with Greeks keep your back to the wall! j/s

Colonel Flagg Nov 8th, 2009 01:33 PM


Originally Posted by george (Post 657492)
it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.

If you say so, brah. :word

Fathom Zero Nov 8th, 2009 04:28 PM


Originally Posted by george (Post 657492)
it depends on your definition of funny. i am a firm believer in tragedy=comedy.

Hey, I am too. It's the only way I can make it through some tragedies. I have this running joke with people where Whatchamacallits are my Uncle's favorite candy bar, but he can't eat them anymore. When they ask me why, I let them know it's because he's dead. :(

I love that one.

george Nov 8th, 2009 06:12 PM

you understand ;)

once me and the kids were at a gas station. at the time we had this monster of a jeep. it looked like it had gotten blown up in the war, and put back to use after very minor repairs.

we were all in pajama's and some gay assed 80's song came on the radio that all WaWa'a and Sheets seem to play at top volume. me and the kids started dancing, and i am sure we looked like a pack of retards.

there was this guy putting gas in his mecedes at the pump directly in front of us. he was a very well appointed fellow, and he gave us a look of disgust. we all stop dancing, and my daughter Tuesday says "look at that guy!"

i started laughing and said loud enough for him to hear "Fuck him!"

Tuesday laughs and replies "Yeah! We know how to live!"

and we all start dancing again. The guy gets obviously upset, slams the nozzle back in the pump, slams his car door and goes roaring out of the gas station as we dance and laugh.

FZ i think you might get the point of this story. you sir now how to live, and i bet your grandfather would like your joke.

kahljorn Nov 8th, 2009 07:25 PM



Fathom Zero Nov 8th, 2009 07:44 PM

Even better, he killed himself. And I bet my mum would appreciate it; she was the oldest out of the five of them.

I love your story, dude. I try to live that way, but I think the key is not to try, just let it loose. To have to try and live carefree is to negate its purpose. Then again, I like to think I have a few years ahead of me to learn how to live right, yo.

kgp4death Nov 8th, 2009 08:09 PM


Originally Posted by george (Post 657544)
you understand ;)
you might get the point of this story. you sir know how to live

Don't give a fuck about other people, do whatever you want and have a blast doing it.....sounds good, wish I lived like that. Wait that's what I do all the time.....sweet to be me.

kahljorn Nov 8th, 2009 08:11 PM

see what talking about yourselves gets you? assholes.

ps this does not include this tragic story -- of which I am enthralled by

george Nov 9th, 2009 12:43 PM

Raves, Tyler, and Bubba 2003ish to 2005ish

The end of this little tale begins with a fun little project that I had gotten involved with after I got fired from Amtrak. The job at Amtrak had been set up for me by a distant relative, and it was fucking sweet. I was a Service Attendant a position that is essentially a waiter/bartender on trains going all over the place. Of all the jobs I have had that I failed at, this was my favorite. There were multiple reasons that this job did not work out, but the number one reason (again) was Nancy hated it.

I wont go into great detail on the whole thing, but when your wife is supposed to pick you up after a twelve hour shift on the train and never shows, you got problems. When your kids stop making it to school because their piece of shit mother wont get up, or isnt even home to take them to school, you got problems. So I ended up missing an assignment and getting fired. I was sad, but life is what it is.

I ended up getting a job installing signs. This was a pretty fun gig, and the hours were pretty good. It didnt pay too great though, so I had to supplement my income. I took up doing light and sound with a friend of mine named Ronnie. Ronnie is a giant story himself. Ronnie has been running a recording studio since the late seventies, and has worked with giants in the local music scene, GO GO bands like EU and Rare Essence, Chuck Brown, and Little Benny and the Masters, and too many local rock bands to mention. We did shows all across the baltimore/washington area. In the course of our travels we made friends with a girl named Tyler, and she and Ronnie decided to start doing Raves.

Now, the best thing about doing a rave when you are part of the crew is that you are one of the few sober people there. I bounced trouble makers, helped people that took too much drugs, or got too hot. Nancy even bartended, it was a great time. I can probably say that this was prolly the happiest stretch of time in my adult life. Eventually the Rave scene started to cool off and our travelling show started going out of a defunct bar that we got leased to us for events. Tyler moved to Virginia Beach and had some adventures of epic proportions. There were a few good times, but the lack of money coming in and the amount of drugs being consumed (thank God I was sober at this point, or i would prolly have died) were making the whole thing pretty grim and sad.

One day it was raining. It had rained all night. It had rained all day before that, and the day before that. So on this particularly wet and rainy day the brilliant people that run the Community Service Program (those assholes you see picking up trash on the side of the road) decided to drag a bunch of people out to the side of the road in the fog to pick up trash. This trail of people was directly across a meadow that constitued the front yard of Ronnie's house. A dog that lived in the house next door to Ronnie had escaped the fenced yard an sauntered up to the road where the people were picking up trash.

This dog would eventually become the most beloved thing I have ever owned. I am not a big one to attach emotional attachment to animals. I pretty much consider them replaceable. Before anyone gets all up in arms about animal cruelty or anything, understand that I think you should be kind, and all that, but a dog is a dog, is a dog, or so I thought. I loved this animal as much as I have any person in the world. Bubba ended up being a lot of things, but he was my friend (hence the name).

So anyway, Bubba wandered up behing a man in the work gang. When this dude saw a giant Rottwiler approaching he freaked out and started to run. Towards the road, and in front of a dumptruck. The guy was run over and killed. Bubba had become a murder :)

ok...gotta go get cigarettes, and then i will work towards the end :):)

Colonel Flagg Nov 9th, 2009 01:02 PM

I dunno, kinda sounds like a Darwin Award winner to me. :\

Keep going, george, love the story. (even if you're not writing it for me!) :)

Fathom Zero Nov 9th, 2009 01:23 PM

"Bubba had become a murder" will be forever etched within my mind.

Tadao Nov 9th, 2009 01:29 PM

More to come? Yikes!

george Nov 9th, 2009 01:51 PM


Now I knew nothing of this little incident whent i arrived at Ronnies house later that day. Nancy an I had come to visit Ronnie so that she could get some weed and to pick up some equipment for a show later that night, and to bring Ronnie a Birthday present. Ronnie, Nancy, and I sat on the porch with a girl named Erin.

Erin is the definition of sugar. Beautiful isnt the right word for her. Her eyes kind of look funny (almost like if you put Mr. Potato Head's eyes on upside down), and her features are not perfect. When she smiles though her whole face lights up and is the kind of thing that will drive a guy crazy with want. Looking at her made you want to touch her, cause you are sure that she'll feel like silk. She was sweet in every way.

Erin was an old friend to me and Nancy. We had known her since she was thirteen. At this point she was twenty and had been in and out of our lives for years. Nancy and her had been travelling partners for years, going out to parties and clubs together, but they had a falling out involving Erin's babies daddy, a guy named Andrew.

The first time I met Andrew he was sleeping naked on my couch. I had just gotten home from work (an overnight shift) and was shocked to see him laying there butt ass naked. I went upstairs to find the kids locked in their room, and Nancy passed out drunk in our bed. She had wet the bed and would not wake up. I went back downstairs and woke Andrew up, and threw him out of my house. I fixed the kids breakfast, cleaned up the mess of an obvious party, and quit my job (i was an overnight manager for Target at the time). Andrew would eventually become a family friend, and still is, but both of us have been amused by our first meeting.

Erin had gotten Ronnie some Opium for his birthday. We all sat on his porch and smoked and I for one got very, very, very high. Ordinarily I would have said no, but I had never tried it before. It was intersting. Just as I was settling into the high, a giant Rottweiler comes bounding up and jumps as much as he can of himself into my lap, and starts licking my face. I was in love. If you have never been high and pet a well groomed dog, then you have been wasting your drugs. This dog was a beauty, and he was in love with me.

I went out in the rain and played fetch with him. We slopped around. We wrestled, we had a hell of a good time. I went back on the porch and Erin told us the whole story about the work gang. She told us how the Sheriff had come with a destrruction order for the dog, and how when the neighbor got home he was supposed to turn the dog over to the cops. I felt so bad for my new friend, but whats a brother going to do?

So, when time to go had come, i took the dog back to his house. I tried knocking on the door, but no one answered. I went around to the back and put him in the fenced in yard, said goodbye. The plan was to head home, get cleaned up, and meet Ronnie in an hour at his house. Instead i would not see Ronnie for a week. I walked over to my car and opened the door, and a giant Rottwieler zipped around me and into the backseat of my car. He refused to get out. We were really pressed for time cause we had to go pick the kids up from the bus stop, so we decided to bring the dog with us and return him when we got back.

Driving uo the road to my house, the road collapsed. The road collapsed and the car fell into a cornfield into mud as high as the door frames. We had to get out through the windows. I walked to the bus stop to get the kids, the dog came with me. We never made it out of the house that weekend. We were stuck, the road impassable. Me and the kids had fun playing with the new dog.

Monday came and we went to Ronnies place. While we were there his neighbor, a guy named Melving was there. Now for the record I knew melvin since I was a kid. I lived in the poor white part of town, he lived in the poor black and they were right next to each other. Aside from a few fights here and there MOST of us got along, but I knew Melvin was not a guy to fuck with. When we walked up to the porch I was about tell Melvin I had his dog, when I heard him say, "If I find out who took my fucking dog, I am going to kill them." he then promptly turned and stomped off. Wether or not I wanted to I had adopted a new dog.

ok, i am going to have to stop myself on this part. I could go on for days about Bubba, and how much he meant to me. He was a Wanted Killer, a Stud, an Escape Artist, Protector, Cannibal, and on at least two occasions saved my life when i was so far in despair that i wanted to die.

gonna go eat and then i will hopefully get to the end of this.....

Chojin Nov 9th, 2009 03:16 PM

this is definitely one for thread backups, but someone was right in that this would make a great book

Evil Robot Nov 9th, 2009 03:29 PM

Folk song

The Leader Nov 9th, 2009 05:51 PM

Call Bob Dylan.

kahljorn Nov 9th, 2009 06:01 PM

its that guys own fault for dying being he didn't know that rottweilers are the happiest sweetest dogs in the world.

he was racist and got what he deserved. lol maybe thats mean :(

george Nov 9th, 2009 06:18 PM

April 2004 to June 2005

This is the home stretch, and we are getting to all the goodtime rainbow happiness.

I got fired from my job at the sign shop. For the first time ever Nancy had nothing to do with it. Did she yell at me al the way to work, everyday without fail? Did she forget to pick me up? Did she leave me to walk home from my partime (40 hrs a week) job at Wendys, while absolutely refusing to take care of the kids or work herself? yes, but the reason I got fired from my job at the sign shop was Racism.

I love racial humor. There is something to the stupidity of hating somone for how they look or cultural differences that amuses me. Maybe it is because I have no real family tree. My mother was an orphan and my father only had a mother that we ever knew. I could not take offense to any race jokes, and often wished I knew exactly what clan I belonged to so I can get indignant about racial slurs. Anyhow, jokes are jokes, actually hating someone for that kind of shit in real life is pure stupidity, and my boss at the sign shop hated everyone that wasnt lilly white.

After months of working for Craig, I was finally competent enough at my job to sell signs to people. I had gotten a customer to purchase roughly 20,000 in signs. She was a very classy black woman, and she had gotten rich and decided to put back into her community by building a sort of Cultural Center in a very bad neighborhood. I stood to make a 2000 dollar comission on the job, not too shabby.

Craig told me to double the cost of the job cause we would be working for ******s. His exact words. I did as I was told, and promptly lost the job.

Then I got another customer. I managed to get them to buy a rather nice sign (you would be suprised how much artistry goes into a business sign). I also found a sign box manufaturer that would build the box for it for half the price of the guy we usually got them from, and since my comission was on the PROFIT for any job I was pretty stoked.

The problem was that the new manufacturer was Chinese. Craig told me that the day he started doing business with Chinks is the day he would stop doing business.

I told him to go fuck himself and walked out.

When I got home the phone was ringing. Now this part is going to sound made up, but it is not. I picked it up and the girl on the other end asked for George (me bitches :)). The girls name was Juliet and she was calling to offer me a job. A high paying government job. I had applied for this job well over a year ago, on a whim. I never actually thought I would get it. Juliet had dated my brother in high school, and had been detrmined to get ahold of me. She said she had been calling for days, and that this had been her last try and if I hadn't picked up she was going to have to call the next person on the list and offer the job to them.

serendipty. I told Nancy later that day. There was great joy in mudville. For about a week.

Sacks Nov 9th, 2009 06:30 PM

Where is the part where Nancy is in a port-a-john and gets hit by a wrecking ball and goes sailing into the knife factory?

Evil Robot Nov 9th, 2009 06:38 PM

Are you dying?

captain516 Nov 9th, 2009 06:47 PM

I love racist jokes too! But it's good to know you didnt let your morals take a backseat to your job.

stevetothepast Nov 9th, 2009 07:22 PM

this is a good story.

george Nov 9th, 2009 07:40 PM


Now, I was pretty stoked about my new job. I had to go get a physical and do a Urine test because I was going to be making explosives and you had to be clean and in decent shape. I wasn't too worried though because it had been months since I had done anything (Ronnies Birthday) and I was pretty sure I would be fine.

I was wrong. I came up positive for Opium. I got called by the Lab, and was given the option of withdrawing my application or being banned from Federal service for life. I withdrew my application :(

I was jobless (aside from Wendy's) and broke, and things could not have been worse. Nancy went to work bartending, and for the first time in our marriage our roles were completely reversed. I started taking care of the kids all day, and they were happy. I took them to school, got them off the bus, cooked them dinner, and we watched a lot of cartoons together.

Nancy lorded my failure to get the job over me at every opportunity. Any time we didn't have enough money to do something for the kids, she would be sure to tell them that it was my fault. That i was a drug addict piece of shit. Remember all that time I was laid off and had a problem? Well Nancy made a point of telling anyone who would listen about it, and about what a huge asshole I was, and how she had to support us all because I was such a lazy fuck.

All the while she did nothing but go out and get drunk, and spend what money she made bartending on god knows what drugs. She had taken to passing out and peeing whatever she was sleeping on. Not a day went by that me and the kids did not find her passed out in her own urine. She got two DUI"S in the space of a week. Nancy was completely out of control.

Finally, I found a job. Overnights at Wal Mart. Stocking shelves. It was crap work, but it brought in money, and I was home during the day with the kids. It only antagonized Nancy. Seriously, I dont know how I survived this part of my life. You can not imagine how a concentrated effort by somone you love to make you feel like shit can hurt you. I now have the deepest sympathy for women who get beaten and dont leave. If you are caught in a cycle of abuse, you really do start to feel like you desrve it. You hate yourself so much that you NEVER think a good thing about yourself.

Erin started coming by the house during the day. She had a new BF named Larry and they would come by and my kids would play with Erin's daughter (Erin had no ther friends with kids and no where to stay with hers except home). I liked Erin and Larry, and when they were there it gave me a little bit of a break from Nancy's non stop bitching. Plus Erin and I were slowly becoming close friends. Even if people coming over slowed Nancy's bitching, it never really stopped, and Erin was pretty sympathetic even if we never talked about the whole thing.

Larry helped Nancy get a day job bartending at a bar he managed. I took over Nancy's day shift at the bar she worked at. It worked out nicely cause I could work at the American Legion and Walmart, and still had time to be there for the kids. I spent a lot of days with them and Erin. Her and her little girl became regulars around my house, which didnt bother Nancy when she had been home to chaparone. Now that she was not there though she had much different thoughts on the whole thing.

People get suspicious about the things they would do, not the things they think you are doing. I had it on pretty good authority that Nancy was cheating on me. I wont get into the whole thing, but I just decided to stop having sex with her and leave her to do whatever she liked. I just did not want to know. Just the same she started to imply that I was fucking Erin. The fact that there were four kids in the house with us at all times, and that I would not cheat on her meant nothing.

I will digress here for a moment to explain my viewpoint on cheating. I feel like loyalty is the greatest of all human commitments. If you love someone and have sworn to be on their side to the bitter end, that is what you fucking mean. It is what you stand for. It is not just when things are good. You stand in through thick and thin and until the war is won. That is how it is.

One night in 1994 my neighbor had a party. Nancy and I went to this party and had a really great time. Nancy and I had been fighting for a few months and had not had sex for about four months or so. Mostly cause she was having some medical problems with her gaul bladder (remember that surgery gone wrong? here is where it became my fault). She got scheduled for surgey, and it was about two weeks away.

The party was a blast, and Nancy left and went to the house and passed out drunk. I ended up spending the evening making friends with a really, really hot chic. She was supposed to stay at my neighbors house, but he had gotten really drunk, and was not going to take the answer no to a threesome with him, this girl, and his wife. His wife asked me to walk the girl home.

I obliged. I walked her to her house. She informed me here husband was deployed to Haiti (this was military housing) and she was there all alone. She asked me to come in with her when we got to her house and help her make sure no one was there. When we went through the house, we ended up in the bedroom. She pulled off her top and I stood there stunned, staring at one of the nicest sets of boobs I have ever seen.

Then I turned and ran.

I ran all the way home. I ran home and had sex with my very drunk wife. She got pregnant. She got pregnant and could not have her gaul bladder surgery, luckily they caught her pregnancy or I would not have my daughter Tuesday. I have always thought that I traded Nancy for Tuesday cause of the delayed surgery, and if I had this event to do over I would do the exact same thing. Every time.

Anyway, that was my soultion to cheating. I loved to flirt. I could talk the panties off a nun. I once almost got a considerable bunch of nerds (Doctor Boogie, Jaeger, Protoclown) laid by some strippers in Cleveland. But talk is all I would ever do, if things turned serious I would run away.

Erin had other plans.

kahljorn Nov 9th, 2009 07:59 PM



mew barios Nov 9th, 2009 08:36 PM

i guess the last time i saw you or talked to you or anythin was around 2003. not tha i could've offered super advice and insight if i knew any of tha stuff back then, i was justa dumb kid. unless defeating you at starcraft helped somehow :o

Colonel Flagg Nov 9th, 2009 09:30 PM

This thread ROCKS! :rock

george Nov 9th, 2009 09:51 PM

mew, there was prolly little you could have said at that point that would have changed things, but i appreciate the thought. your visit was fun, and it was a good break from the everyday life. and starcraft was my favorite thing in the entire world!!! i can not wait for starcraft 2 to come out. i am saving up for a new computer that will handle the game. :)

i think only glowbelly had a full bead on what was going on. Protoclown to, although i did not lay too much on him because he is a genuinely nice guy and he would have been really sad for me, and i never wanted that.

ok, i am prolly gonna watch football now. i was thinking of trying to finnish this tonight, but everyone seems to like it so far so i wont rush to finnish. i havent quite figured out where to stop, but it seems to get bigger as i go along.

let me know if it starts turning into some sort of shitty blog, cause mostly it is just meant to be entertaining, and the fun part is coming, i know i have said this a bunch but the more i fill in the better the impact later. you'll see what i mean.

LordSappington Nov 9th, 2009 10:19 PM

Okay, in the beginning, my attitude was a solid ' :rolleyes ' , but now this is fascinating.

kahljorn Nov 9th, 2009 10:23 PM

yea its almost as juicy as celebrity gossip

captain516 Nov 9th, 2009 10:51 PM


Originally Posted by george (Post 657839)
I once almost got a considerable bunch of nerds (Doctor Boogie, Jaeger, Protoclown) laid by some strippers in Cleveland.

Wait, seriously?

kahljorn Nov 9th, 2009 10:54 PM

Yea, cause strippers are so hard to get in the sack.

Zomboid Nov 9th, 2009 11:07 PM

Nigh impossible to get blowjobs in the champagne room from them.

kahljorn Nov 9th, 2009 11:14 PM

One time a stripper talked to me and after that EVERYBODY in town wanted to be my friend. Unfortunately I moved towns and I have yet to get a stripper to talk to me here ;/

george Nov 9th, 2009 11:48 PM

oh it was really funny.

a bunch of us were there. Jaeger and Proto had ridden with me and Nancy to cleveland. Spaddowsky, boogie, glowbelly, and another guy i cant remember, Sam, and a few others were there.

we went out to eat dinner and i struck up a conversation with a girl at the table behind us. turned out they were a bunch of strippers having a celebration of some sort and they invited us all back to their place for a party.

no one but spad wanted to go :(

it was pretty funny. boogie spent the night kicking nancy cause she wouldn't stop snoring, and i told them a story about a fun visit i made to food lion with my dick hanging out. that Mock Meet was a really good time.

Dimnos Nov 10th, 2009 01:01 AM


Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 657971)
Yea, cause strippers are so hard to get in the sack.

He probably mean without paying them.

kahljorn Nov 10th, 2009 01:29 AM


Nick Nov 10th, 2009 02:30 AM

This thread feels very very sticky. Also it makes me sad. :(

Chojin Nov 12th, 2009 08:35 PM


executioneer Nov 12th, 2009 08:36 PM

man i woulda tried harder to go to a mock meet if i'd known virginity-losing was on the menu

Chojin Nov 12th, 2009 08:47 PM


Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 658666)
man i woulda tried harder to go to a mock meet if i'd known virginity-losing was on the menu

wtf did you think we did all day

george Nov 12th, 2009 10:27 PM

sorry, i will add more later tonight. i have been involved with writing something for a good part of the day ;) it is going to be pretty good. i'll plug that when the time comes.

you know chojin, it is all your fault Z is going to be dressing up as a maid at an anime cafe this weekend. you made my daughter a nerd that wears short skirts >:

kahljorn Nov 12th, 2009 10:52 PM


Sam Nov 12th, 2009 11:04 PM


Guitar Woman Nov 13th, 2009 12:34 AM

What was that about having a mockmeet in Portland, now? :lol

We have great strippers, apparently!

Chojin Nov 13th, 2009 01:19 AM


Originally Posted by george (Post 658705)
sorry, i will add more later tonight. i have been involved with writing something for a good part of the day ;) it is going to be pretty good. i'll plug that when the time comes.

you know chojin, it is all your fault Z is going to be dressing up as a maid at an anime cafe this weekend. you made my daughter a nerd that wears short skirts >:


george Nov 13th, 2009 02:42 AM

when you came to my place and we watched Childs Toy for a whole day, ever since then she has been hooked on Anime. all your fault buddy.

ok back to business:

Two Parties

I dont know where to start on this part.

Nancy and I decided to have a party. Well, mostly it was Nancy but at this point I tried to avoid doing anything that would piss her off more than she already was. Things had really disintagrated at this point. Seriously, I couldn't do anything that didn't get half my ass torn off at any given time. A prime example:

One day I woke up. I realized Nancy had come home that night because I woke up in a puddle of urine. Once again she had gotten drunk and wet the bed. I took a deep breath, got up, and went and took a shower.

It was really early, so I decided to fix breakfast for the kids. I made breakfast, and me and the kids had a jolly time. Mostly cause at this point we had a duck named Sparticus and a goat named Elvis. The goat would follow the duck everywhere. If the duck stood still for a minute the goat would rape it.

This was amusing enough, but on this fine day the goat was in rare form and when i let Bubba out, the goat tried to rape him. I was always of the opinion that Bubba was a human in dog form, so when Bubba literally did a double take I could almost hear him thinking WTF. Very patiently Bubba turned around, grabbed the goat around the neck, and shook the ever fucking daylights out of the goat, and then peed on his inert body.

laughter ensued. a lot of it. and we woke up the monster.

I had watched the whole episode with the animals from my kitchen window while I did the dishes. Nancy came stomping into the kitchen from our bedroom. Stomped off to the bathroom, and then returned to the kitchen.

"What?!" she demanded.

I turned. and for a moment she looked just like the fucking girl that comes out of the TV in that shitty movie The Ring. I raised my eyebrows, but said nothing. At this point I had started reading a lot of books about how to deal with pyschological abuse. I decided to try out a technique that one had recommended, dont say ANYTHING. I turned back to doing the dishes.

"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!" She shouted, and the kids made a break for it to their rooms. At this point they had learned that any argument we had would be worse if they were around cause I would back down if they weren't around, but if she could bring them into it I would defend them ferociously. Plus seriously, who wants to fucking waste a saturday morning listening to their parents argue?

"YOU NO GOOD JOBLESS (i had three jobs at this point), FUCKING DRUG ADDICT ASSHOLE (hadnt touched anything in months), FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, BLAH, FUCKING BLAH, BLAH"

"I made breakfast." I should have stayed quiet.

I don't know what she said next, she just started screaming. I concentrated on doing the dishes like my life depended on it. Then there was silence. I should have seen it coming, but I was just hoping that she would go away. I heard steps come up behind me, and before I knew what was going on she hit me in the back of the head with a can of scrubby bubbles. She nearly knocked me the fuck out, and she managed to hit me three or four more times before the can burst, and I could turn around.

I turned around and she tried to spray me in the eyes with the scrubby bubbles. Calmly, I grabbed the arm with holding the spray can and raised her arm up so she could not get the shit in my eyes. I kept telling her to calm down, and she tried to knee me in the nuts, slipped, and fell to the floor.

She started screaming help at the top of her lungs. The kids came running, and when she spied them she screamed "SEE HOW YOUR FATHER TREATS WOMEN, THIS IS HOW YOUR FATHER TREATS WOMEN" the kids turned and walked to their rooms. I cant imagine what it looked like to them, but we have laughed about this incident many times. It was pathetic that she would try to use them to hurt me, but it was pretty typical.

gotta go pee, will continue......

kahljorn Nov 13th, 2009 03:12 AM

jesus christ

how did you not punch her in the face?

george Nov 13th, 2009 03:36 AM


So when nancy suggested that we have a party, i went along with her. I wont say i wasnt willing, i like to have fun. This turned out to be the greatest party i have ever been a part of. For the month that we planned it all out we did not have a single fight, it was a true team effort, but there was a little trouble ahead.

A friend of ours had broken up with her boyfriend. She found out he was banging her fourteen year old daughter, and sent him packing. He was furious about it. Word had gotten back to me from another friend that he was planning to pull "Some Columbine Shit" at my house on the day of the party.

I knew this guy had an AK47, I knew he had done jail time for building a bomb and trying to blow up some dude for money. I also knew this guy was completely capable of going on a shooting spree. To make my point, he would later die in a car wreck while chasing down another exgirlfriend and her new boyfriend so he could kill them. He was a fucking pyscho.

Being the rational person I was, I suggested not having the party. I was really afraid of the idea of this guy killing a bunch of people on my property. I would feel like shit if I knew he was planning some shit like that and hurt people. I had the last fight I would ever have with Nancy that day. We argued for a long time. It ended when she called me a Pussy. I had been a pussy my whole life, that the reason life was so hard was because i was such a pussy. That I was a failure as a father and husband because I was just a big pussy.

and although I felt in light of a lot of logical reasons I was not being a pussy, I realized she was right. I had let this stupid bitch terrorize me for over a decade because i was too big a pussy to stand up to her. Fuck it, let her have her party, quite frankly i hoped she was the first fucking person this asshole shot.

Well, the party went off without a hitch. A local biker gang agreed to do security and the Psycho knew these dudes well enough that he didnt want to fuck with them (funny side note, i was friends with these guys cause one of them had spanked me for being an asshole when i was a kid and then became friends with my Dad cause my Dad also spanked me for being an asshole and so the circle of life goes). We had ten bands play, and well over a thousand people came to this party. You know its been a good time when you wake up in the morning and a bunch of naked people (men and women) are playing horshoes in the back yard.

I hadn't forgotten that whole pussy thing. No one little bit.

So when Erin came to me and asked if she could have her 21st birthday party at my house, I said yes. Over the years Erin and I had become pretty close, and she had just broken up with her boyfriend. She had made it pretty clear she wanted me to fuck her for her birthday. Nancy never stayed home at this point, and Erin's birthday was no different. It was also a really good party.

About halfway through, Erin and I went to my room and had sex. While we were off having fun somone decided to steal my PS2 :(

When I realized it was gone in the morning I felt really bad, me and the kids used that as our only form of entertainment. We had no phone or cable, and it was our only way to watch DVD's. I already regretted sleeping with Erin. As I noted earlier, I am not a cheater. I am not trying to justify it, but I only went through with it cause she was so fucking hot, and I kinda wanted to prove to myself i wasnt a pussy. Low self esteem, mixed with a stolen play station, mixed with violating everything you believe in equals a perfect storm of depression.

Instead of folding, I decided to get my shit together. I spent more time with the kids. I cleaned house obsessively, and in general started doing positive stuff. I felt dirty inside and it bothered me, I wanted to be a good person again.

As luck would have it, I got a call from Juliet. Another opening had come open on the base. She had done me a solid (again, she LOVED my brother) and held onto my application from the last time, and offered me a job. This tie I had been clean for awhile, I passed the pee test and for the next year Nancy and I avoided each other like the plague. I worked hard, and got my finances under control, and life started getting to be ok.

Colonel Flagg Nov 13th, 2009 10:57 AM


Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 658750)
jesus christ

how did you not punch her in the face?

I'm with kahl - how could you not kick the shit out of this bitch? You could teach anger management. Or be a therapist.

Kitsa Nov 13th, 2009 01:10 PM

She sounds like just a horrible, horrible person. And like she thought she could get away with most of it because she was a woman.

Fathom Zero Nov 13th, 2009 01:40 PM

My stepmum is like her. Some people are just evil, for lack of a better word.

Zomboid Nov 13th, 2009 02:26 PM

StepMUM? Aren't you from the south?

Tadao Nov 13th, 2009 02:40 PM


Fathom Zero Nov 13th, 2009 02:46 PM

It's always been "mum" for me. I don't have an accent or regional dialect. All my vocabulary comes from books and movies.

I also say "awwwwwnt", instead of "ant". My mum told me that was wrong, but I neither unlearned it nor cared.

bigtimecow Nov 13th, 2009 03:00 PM

that little bit on the 2nd page about running away from the nicely boobed woman, having sex with nancy, getting your daughter out of it etc. etc. is one of the most passionate things i have ever read (especially on this board)

this thread is warming my heart :love

Colonel Flagg Nov 13th, 2009 04:17 PM

george has lived life to the fullest - from the depths of the 9th circle of hell to the highest of the celestial spheres.

I'm still waiting for the "celestial" part. :)

Tadao Nov 13th, 2009 04:20 PM

I like George, he's got a positive attitude. Good on you, you set the bar high for your kids.

Tadao Nov 13th, 2009 04:22 PM

BTW, my wife did some gay ass shit and I hated it when people would trash on her. Also that is still somebody's mother.

Sam Nov 13th, 2009 04:32 PM

The part about the PS2 getting stolen cracked me up. :(

captain516 Nov 13th, 2009 04:41 PM

I don't think you're a pussy george :)

Dimnos Nov 13th, 2009 04:53 PM

Damn George. Your a better man than I. I would have kicked her ass to the curb.

robo_rob Nov 13th, 2009 05:22 PM

This story is better than Precious.

kahljorn Nov 13th, 2009 06:38 PM

Sometimes you have to punch people not out of anger, but cause they are cunts and need to know that they are cunts and how much it hurts when somebody you love hits you and treats you like shit.

Chojin Nov 13th, 2009 07:42 PM

christ :<

Fathom Zero Nov 13th, 2009 07:54 PM

I've got a certain level of sympathy for "crazy", but I stand by my original opinion.

george Nov 13th, 2009 11:26 PM

and so far it has all been setup :)

i'm glad you guys like it so far, i have posted parts of this here and there before, but i just dont want it to see like i am looking for sympathy of any sort and if gets crappy or boring let me know cause i dont want to be the old guy who just keeps rattling on.

i'll try to get the next part finnished later tonight :)

Wiffles Nov 14th, 2009 12:04 AM

your stories are cool, and Its nice how you seem to be taking it lightly ^.^

george Nov 14th, 2009 03:44 PM

sorry i didnt write last night, but i fell asleep :)

i will try to finnish this up tonight, i really will. and then it will be the last time i tell this awful story, i dont want to be one of those guys who spends the rest of his life telling how tragic his youth was, no matter how fun it is to talk about.

and wiffles, that is my blessing and my curse. i take everything lightly, and find amusement in even the worse things.

Seven Force Nov 15th, 2009 09:31 AM

This is the best story and you are my new role model

Dr. Boogie Nov 16th, 2009 01:47 AM

George, you and Pednaud are the two best storytellers on this board. I love you, man.

And if I had known any of this stuff prior to the mockmeet, I would've tried to discreetly snap Nancy's neck in the middle of the night.

Colonel Flagg Nov 16th, 2009 12:12 PM


Originally Posted by Dr. Boogie (Post 659119)
George, you and Pednaud are the two best storytellers on this board.

Then McClain is a razor-close third. :)

Zomboid Nov 16th, 2009 02:57 PM

That order is reversed for me. That's not to say that I haven't been enjoying this thread immensely.

Carnivore Nov 16th, 2009 05:00 PM

This is pretty great thus far. I would like to cast some Hollywood types for the show. I see Tom Sizemore playing George. We need a Nancy, of course, and an Erin. So help us try to visualize these people by assigning them actresses, George.

Tadao Nov 16th, 2009 07:09 PM

captain516 Nov 16th, 2009 07:45 PM

She supposed to be Erin or Nancy? I can see it working both ways.

george Nov 16th, 2009 09:01 PM

Going Crazy, Thanksgiving 2005.

In May of 2005 I bought Nancy a new car for mothers day. It had been well over two years since we had a car that was not an embarassing POS and I was really excited. Having car payments required that she get a job, and I get a new part time job, but it was really worth it. We went out to lunch to celebrate and have a conversation.

I wanted to talk to nancy about getting divorced. There is a lot of stuff that I have left out of this story mostly cause it would take like a million years to document EVERY fight. I have given you a pretty accurate view of how things were. So, when I asked nancy if she wanted a divorce she was not really too suprised or even angry.

We had a very constructive conversation about all the things that had gone on between us. I thought it was one of the most open and honest conversations we ever had. Of course I left out all the stuff about Erin, and I didn't inquire too much about some troubling rumors about her sex life, but still we both laid out our cases against each other. It is not easy to have a matter of fact conversation about getting divorced, to inspect a relationship that has been the focal point of your life (good or bad) and be antiseptic about it. We came to an agreement.

We would table talk of divorce until after Christmas. From now until then we would both try as hard as possible to be good to each other and the children. We would bury our hatchets, forgive, and try our absolute best to start over. No more going out partying, no more drugs, lies, we would focus our attention on getting our life together back on track.

it was all bullshit.

it took less than three days from that conversation for me to realize that i could never believe a word that came out of her mouth. i guess i knew all along, but i really wanted to try to save both our souls.

we went shopping with the kids. it was a friday night, we were both off work (we were both bar tending at the American Legion) and made plans to watch movies with the kids. they were really excited. it was rare that they spent time with both of us, and for the last few days we had been getting along nicely.

then Nancy's cell phone went off. She read a text message, and with barely a goodbye she was out the door. the kids were devestated. at this point it had really begun to hurt them that she was never around, and when she was she was drunk (she "cleverly" carried around a coffee cup filled with beer EVERYWHERE), or had peed herself. I consouled them and we had our usual sort of fun. But inside i was pissed.

She never came home that night. When she finally did turn up, the kids were all late for their soccer games (the scourage of parents with kids under 12 everywhere), and I was pissed. She said she had been down by the pier (the property we lived on had a private pier we would fish off sometimes) and fallen asleep. it really didn't explain much, but i had shit to do. i took the kids to their games, ran some errands, and then headed home.

on the way home I did something unusual for me. i got suspicious of Nancy's story, and went to the pier on the way home. i dont know exactly what made me decide to go, so far i had managed to get thru life with my eyes closed, but i was just curious (jealous?). I found: an empty 12 pack of beer, a condom wrapper, a lot of cigarette butts. all of this could be explained by other people. then i saw the footprints.

Nancy has good taste in shoes. i like that in a girl. im not one of those fucking freaks who jacks off in shoes or anything, but i DO notice their shoes. Nancy had a pair of shoes with a very unusual tread pattern, and there was a spot where she obviously stood very close to somone, obviously a man. Belly to belly, like you would if you were kissing.

i was pretty mad. rage is not even close to describing how I felt. I mean for fucks sake, THREE FUCKING DAYS??? Why not divorce me? We could be adults, be honest and open, fucking opt out of the whole thing if that is how it was gonna be. COULD I PLEASE GET JUST A LITTLE RESPECT?

and that is how I put it to her. in loud, harsh terms. she just looked at me with big brown eyes. perfectly innocent, might i say hurt eyes. and she said "you're losing your mind."

and like the jedi fucking mind trick it was, i believed her.


george Nov 16th, 2009 09:51 PM


for the next few months i thought i was losing my mind. not since my adventures in 2003 did i think that i could not trust my perceptions as much as i did through the summer and fall of 2005. Nancy worked, and then went out with friends, was never home, and whenever i inquired about all of it she somehow managed to make think i was being irrational.

now this was not as hard as it would seem. i felt very guilty over the whole Erin adventure (nancy was unaware of this at this point thank god). and i felt guilty about 2003 as well as ashamed. Nancy knew this and had learned that if she played her hand gently instead of coming out swinging she could make me feel all guilty and sad.

so when she told me that she was going to visit her friend Dana in south carolina for Thanksgiving, i was kind of relieved. The only catch was that she had to drive down there and we only had one car. I did not have any real plans to do anything, and the kids and i decided we would stock up on food and movies and just have fun for the weekend.

then Dana gave me a call. i have known Dana for well over thirty years. we have been friends the whole time. we went to church together, her boyfriend/eventual babies daddy was my neighbor. i took her to get birth control when we were in high school. she was also Nancy's best friend from childhood. so i doubt Nancy would have expected Dana to call me and tell me:

"Uh, your wife is here with another man"

I was so mad. I did not know a person could get this mad. for months i had let her undermine my sanity. i WAS SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!! i knew i was right, i had been right all fucking along. i was a fool.

When she got home, i asked her how things went. She had fun, it was good to see dana, the kids were great. She liked south carolina, blah, blah, blah.

then i asked her if Jason had fun. and she froze. and then told me that it was a mistake, nothing happened, he was just a friend, she was sorry, blah, blah, blah.

i grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulled her face to mine, and in a very calm, relaxed, and controlled manner explained to her that i did not give a fuck, that whatever was going on was over, and if ever heard a peep about this again from anyone that i would kill her and jason, or whoever the next guy was.

i think she took me seriously, cause for the next few weeks she behaved herself.

Chojin Nov 16th, 2009 10:06 PM


Originally Posted by george (Post 659273)
i grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulled her face to mine, and in a very calm, relaxed, and controlled manner explained to her that i did not give a fuck, that whatever was going on was over, and if ever heard a peep about this again from anyone that i would kill her and jason, or whoever the next guy was.

Colonel Flagg Nov 16th, 2009 10:48 PM

Yeah, baby! SMACKDOWN! :rock

Seven Force Nov 17th, 2009 02:01 PM

Yeah i'm seriously glad you had the sense not to pull a Benoit.

george Nov 17th, 2009 03:12 PM

almost did. :(

it was the only time ever that i got rough with her. i have learned to stay calm since we split up. once i got away from the problem, i learned how easily she manipulated me with my temper.

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