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-   -   Breakup Kit (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69701296)

Hugh_Bristic Dec 19th, 2008 10:20 AM

Breakup Kit
- sad music
- a pair of running shoes
- 1 Mormon friend
- breakfast tacos

The list is short so far but bound to grow if healthy resolve doesn't pan out...

*Also, don't be douches and talk about rope, mace, shovels, nooses, rape kits or the like. You sick fuckers. I'm reaching out.

kahljorn Dec 19th, 2008 02:01 PM

I would add peace and understanding to that list

pac-man Dec 19th, 2008 02:05 PM


EDIT: and beer.

MetalMilitia Dec 19th, 2008 02:15 PM

A Facebook account so you can change your relationship status to "single".

executioneer Dec 19th, 2008 05:07 PM

would saying "voodoo doll" be taking things too far :(

Hugh_Bristic Dec 19th, 2008 05:24 PM

You're still in good standing, executioneer - but I got my one good eye on you!

As for the rest of you: I don't have a Facebook because I'm a grown ass woman; pot is not an option due to an impending drug test within a month and beer drinking requires too much energy. Peace and understanding is down the road - but for now, I'm okay with wanting to throw her off a roof or tickle her so much her tears of laughter turn into tears of pain and sorrow.

And... thanks for being relatively normal, guys. It's unexpected and very much appreciated.

Perndog Dec 19th, 2008 05:54 PM

I-Mockery message boards to make fun of the situation in a depraved and/or cynical manner.

Tadao Dec 19th, 2008 05:59 PM

Change the lock.

10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 19th, 2008 07:07 PM

Go with the tickle torture. A pet helps out a lot too, just not a fish.

Tadao Dec 19th, 2008 07:12 PM

I propose that after this post, anyone who posts anything from 50 ways to leave your lover be infracted.

Hugh_Bristic Dec 19th, 2008 09:36 PM

Tadao, I'm pretty sure you're the death of any discussion or helpful thinking. (No offense. [I'd put a winky face if I knew how, to take the edge off.])

I've decided I'm going to train for a marathon. Any marathon. I don't care. I just know I'd rather puke from bein' up at the gym just workin' on my fitness than being sad.

Also, in a few months, when I'm ready again, please send your lady friends to Texas so I can buy them icecream and wash their hair for them.

10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 19th, 2008 09:39 PM

I think there is a dog the bounty hunter marathon on tonight Hugh. That's a start.

Tadao Dec 19th, 2008 09:49 PM

Wait, I thought this was a request on how you can break up with someone, not what to do after the breakup.

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 12:23 AM

Okay, no pot, no beer...

How about a boys night out? You don't have to get wasted, but it's always good to try and have some fun despite feeling like you just got kicked in the junk.

Pub Lover Dec 20th, 2008 12:25 AM

Hugh is a sexy lady. :rolleyes

and a lesbo? :eek

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 12:27 AM

And a Texan, apparently :\

Fathom Zero Dec 20th, 2008 12:32 AM

A Sexton. :orgasm

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 12:34 AM

Is that a sexy Texan?

Fathom Zero Dec 20th, 2008 12:38 AM

Some would say yes... others no.

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 12:39 AM

Hmmm..... :scratchchin

Neen Dec 20th, 2008 01:36 AM

What's a Mormon

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 02:40 AM

Perndog Dec 20th, 2008 06:20 PM

I met a really slutty Mormon girl once. She said it was ok because she only made out and gave handjobs. Of course then she started screwing random guys two months after I met her, so that obviously failed.

Beware slippery slopes!

sspadowsky Dec 20th, 2008 07:37 PM

Hugh, when did you switch teams?

Hugh_Bristic Dec 21st, 2008 04:08 PM

A while back, man. It was going pretty effin' well until I made two major mistakes: I fell too deeply for a 19-year-old who... wait for it... decided, quite unexpectedly, she wasn't gay but confused and said "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be gay." So, it hurts (a lot) but I'm trying to be understanding 'n shit. I still hold out hope for Natalie Portman, Elizabeth Hurley, Penelope Cruz and Monica Bellucci to convert...

Perndog Dec 21st, 2008 06:13 PM

Well, yeah. Warning lights go on as soon as I hear "19-year-old". I rarely expect anyone under 22 (and even that's being generous) to be on firm ground as far as emotional competence and self-awareness go. This is probably even worse for homosexuals because gay teenagers tend to have an extra layer of angst to get over beyond the regular crap.

Hugh_Bristic Dec 21st, 2008 07:26 PM

Agreed. I resisted for a long time because she was so young but eventually my dumb heart beat out my smart brain and I said okay. You should have seen it, though - we were amazing together, and I was content. But it didn't work out. Eventually, I'll be better and ready to get back into the game. (Not saying I'm anywhere near that, now, but I figure if she wasn't "the one," then maybe there's someone better suited for me in the future... who will be grown and firmly planted like an oak tree.)

On a different note - why am I the only openly gay one on this site? No offense but um... well, look at you guys...*

*Joke! Ba-zing!

kahljorn Dec 21st, 2008 08:52 PM


executioneer Dec 21st, 2008 09:18 PM

well he doesnt post here anymore but mew was openly gay i thought


Big McLargehuge Dec 21st, 2008 11:13 PM

i found defacing old letters to be soothing

Tadao Dec 21st, 2008 11:20 PM

One time when I was very young and heart broken I put me ex's letters in a metal bowl and lit them on fire in my room. The smoke was bad :x The funny part was when I found out the metal bowl melted the carpet below and I had to cut the bowl out with an exato knife.

Fathom Zero Dec 21st, 2008 11:43 PM

Yeah, there at least a few crossdressing people on here and I don't know what I am and don't care to find out, so meh. I feel incredibly asexual. I guess it's a non-feeling, though.

Maybe it just that angstiness.

Neen Dec 21st, 2008 11:54 PM

I reproduce through fission, so I always carry protection.

10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 22nd, 2008 07:54 PM

I'm been bi for 11 years now. I hate me some Tila Tequila. I've tried the asexual thing for a while. Boring though.

Tadao Dec 22nd, 2008 08:41 PM

Tila Tequila is not bi :/ she's an attention whore.

10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 22nd, 2008 08:48 PM

That's why I hate her.

Zomboid Dec 22nd, 2008 09:14 PM


Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost (Post 603493)
I'm been bi for 11 years now. I hate me some Tila Tequila. I've tried the asexual thing for a while. Boring though.


10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 22nd, 2008 09:27 PM


Originally Posted by Zomboid (Post 603516)


DevilWearsPrada Dec 23rd, 2008 10:59 PM

add to list: a bag of dicks

glowbelly Dec 24th, 2008 12:05 PM

hugh, you need hugs. go get them from people who give good ones. i suggest sspadowsky. i know it's kind of a drive, but trust me, gay or straight, it's worth it.

sspadowsky Dec 26th, 2008 05:24 AM


Originally Posted by glowbelly (Post 604037)
hugh, you need hugs. go get them from people who give good ones. i suggest sspadowsky. i know it's kind of a drive, but trust me, gay or straight, it's worth it.

Glowbaby knows what the fuck she's talking about.

Plus, the cack! I mean, my GOD!

(back me up on this, Karen) ;)

(Oh, and STRAIGHT!)

(Back me up on that too, Karen)

glowbelly Dec 27th, 2008 11:54 AM


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