> you are in a pristine operating room. in the middle of the room there is a metal operating table, with several bright lights shining onto it from the ceiling.

> you walk over to the table.

> on the table you see:
a scalpel
a small pool of blood
a piece of paper

Dear Willie,

Should I hit troll with sword? And if so, should I then put sword into trophy case?

yes but wait a while the sword might come in useful elsewhere

get in small pool of blood <return>

> you sit down in the small pool of blood. you accidentally sit on the scalpel, too, cutting a small gash in your backside. now you have AIDS.

Dear Willie,

Does AIDS count as an inventory item?

:lol

I was thinking of asking this and didn't

I was going to drink the blood - boy I'm glad I refrained from playing. :whew

get scalpel <return>
use scalpel penis <return>
get paper <return
get penis <return>

no but it will give annoying status messages every 100 turns or so "you feel your AIDS getting worse!"

> You pull the scalpel out from under your backside, dramatically worsening your gash. (We would like to apologize for putting the term "worsening your gash" in this game.)

> As you attempt to perform painful elective surgery on yourself, the scalpel slips out of your hand. Whoopsy-daisy!

> You look around for the piece of paper for a second, and realize you're sitting on that, too. As you tug on it, it tears in half, leaving the other half still under your bottom.

> You've already got that!

Dear Willie,

Did you find a costume?

no

i think i'm gonna go as the incredible screaming man, i'm gonna scream at everyone i see

That sounds terrifying. I can't wait.

that is assuming of course the half-assed juggernaut costume i'm working on looks like absolute shit when i'm finished

or assuming i'm quite drunk

All you need is a refurbished gem of cyttorok. Sure you cna find one laying around in a flea market or a seaside cove in the area.

i'll check craigslist

dearest william

WHERE YOU AT DAWG


WHERE YOU AT

still over 310 :(

Jesus I'm in bad shape!
Cut out wound with scalpel <return>
cure aids with paper half <return>

if you are the incredible screaming man will you scream at the westboro people?

> (getting up first)
You make like Uncle Joey and Cut. It. Out. You are now sans buttock. Opps, you dropped the scalpel again! Lousy slippery blood.

> You peer intently at the paper, looking for a recipe for an AIDS cure. Hmm, seems to be swirling around a lot, but you don't see any writing on it.

You are feeling light headed from blood loss.

hell if i get someone to go with me we could drive-by egg them

I'd do it :( i was already trying to think of ways to harass them

actually i bought 50 boxes of conversation hearts at the going out of business dollar store for $2, anyone want to fight hatred with the power of love