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-   -   Breakup Kit (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69701296)

Hugh_Bristic Dec 19th, 2008 10:20 AM

Breakup Kit
- sad music
- a pair of running shoes
- 1 Mormon friend
- breakfast tacos

The list is short so far but bound to grow if healthy resolve doesn't pan out...

*Also, don't be douches and talk about rope, mace, shovels, nooses, rape kits or the like. You sick fuckers. I'm reaching out.

kahljorn Dec 19th, 2008 02:01 PM

I would add peace and understanding to that list

pac-man Dec 19th, 2008 02:05 PM


EDIT: and beer.

MetalMilitia Dec 19th, 2008 02:15 PM

A Facebook account so you can change your relationship status to "single".

executioneer Dec 19th, 2008 05:07 PM

would saying "voodoo doll" be taking things too far :(

Hugh_Bristic Dec 19th, 2008 05:24 PM

You're still in good standing, executioneer - but I got my one good eye on you!

As for the rest of you: I don't have a Facebook because I'm a grown ass woman; pot is not an option due to an impending drug test within a month and beer drinking requires too much energy. Peace and understanding is down the road - but for now, I'm okay with wanting to throw her off a roof or tickle her so much her tears of laughter turn into tears of pain and sorrow.

And... thanks for being relatively normal, guys. It's unexpected and very much appreciated.

Perndog Dec 19th, 2008 05:54 PM

I-Mockery message boards to make fun of the situation in a depraved and/or cynical manner.

Tadao Dec 19th, 2008 05:59 PM

Change the lock.

10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 19th, 2008 07:07 PM

Go with the tickle torture. A pet helps out a lot too, just not a fish.

Tadao Dec 19th, 2008 07:12 PM

I propose that after this post, anyone who posts anything from 50 ways to leave your lover be infracted.

Hugh_Bristic Dec 19th, 2008 09:36 PM

Tadao, I'm pretty sure you're the death of any discussion or helpful thinking. (No offense. [I'd put a winky face if I knew how, to take the edge off.])

I've decided I'm going to train for a marathon. Any marathon. I don't care. I just know I'd rather puke from bein' up at the gym just workin' on my fitness than being sad.

Also, in a few months, when I'm ready again, please send your lady friends to Texas so I can buy them icecream and wash their hair for them.

10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 19th, 2008 09:39 PM

I think there is a dog the bounty hunter marathon on tonight Hugh. That's a start.

Tadao Dec 19th, 2008 09:49 PM

Wait, I thought this was a request on how you can break up with someone, not what to do after the breakup.

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 12:23 AM

Okay, no pot, no beer...

How about a boys night out? You don't have to get wasted, but it's always good to try and have some fun despite feeling like you just got kicked in the junk.

Pub Lover Dec 20th, 2008 12:25 AM

Hugh is a sexy lady. :rolleyes

and a lesbo? :eek

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 12:27 AM

And a Texan, apparently :\

Fathom Zero Dec 20th, 2008 12:32 AM

A Sexton. :orgasm

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 12:34 AM

Is that a sexy Texan?

Fathom Zero Dec 20th, 2008 12:38 AM

Some would say yes... others no.

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 12:39 AM

Hmmm..... :scratchchin

Neen Dec 20th, 2008 01:36 AM

What's a Mormon

pac-man Dec 20th, 2008 02:40 AM

Perndog Dec 20th, 2008 06:20 PM

I met a really slutty Mormon girl once. She said it was ok because she only made out and gave handjobs. Of course then she started screwing random guys two months after I met her, so that obviously failed.

Beware slippery slopes!

sspadowsky Dec 20th, 2008 07:37 PM

Hugh, when did you switch teams?

Hugh_Bristic Dec 21st, 2008 04:08 PM

A while back, man. It was going pretty effin' well until I made two major mistakes: I fell too deeply for a 19-year-old who... wait for it... decided, quite unexpectedly, she wasn't gay but confused and said "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be gay." So, it hurts (a lot) but I'm trying to be understanding 'n shit. I still hold out hope for Natalie Portman, Elizabeth Hurley, Penelope Cruz and Monica Bellucci to convert...

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