Breakup Kit
 

- sad music
- a pair of running shoes
- 1 Mormon friend
- breakfast tacos

The list is short so far but bound to grow if healthy resolve doesn't pan out...

*Also, don't be douches and talk about rope, mace, shovels, nooses, rape kits or the like. You sick fuckers. I'm reaching out.

I would add peace and understanding to that list

pot.

EDIT: and beer.

A Facebook account so you can change your relationship status to "single".

would saying "voodoo doll" be taking things too far :(

You're still in good standing, executioneer - but I got my one good eye on you!

As for the rest of you: I don't have a Facebook because I'm a grown ass woman; pot is not an option due to an impending drug test within a month and beer drinking requires too much energy. Peace and understanding is down the road - but for now, I'm okay with wanting to throw her off a roof or tickle her so much her tears of laughter turn into tears of pain and sorrow.

And... thanks for being relatively normal, guys. It's unexpected and very much appreciated.

I-Mockery message boards to make fun of the situation in a depraved and/or cynical manner.

Change the lock.

Go with the tickle torture. A pet helps out a lot too, just not a fish.

I propose that after this post, anyone who posts anything from 50 ways to leave your lover be infracted.

Tadao, I'm pretty sure you're the death of any discussion or helpful thinking. (No offense. [I'd put a winky face if I knew how, to take the edge off.])

I've decided I'm going to train for a marathon. Any marathon. I don't care. I just know I'd rather puke from bein' up at the gym just workin' on my fitness than being sad.

Also, in a few months, when I'm ready again, please send your lady friends to Texas so I can buy them icecream and wash their hair for them.

I think there is a dog the bounty hunter marathon on tonight Hugh. That's a start.

Wait, I thought this was a request on how you can break up with someone, not what to do after the breakup.

Okay, no pot, no beer...


How about a boys night out? You don't have to get wasted, but it's always good to try and have some fun despite feeling like you just got kicked in the junk.

Hugh is a sexy lady. :rolleyes

and a lesbo? :eek

And a Texan, apparently :\

A Sexton. :orgasm

Is that a sexy Texan?

Some would say yes... others no.

Hmmm..... :scratchchin

What's a Mormon

I met a really slutty Mormon girl once. She said it was ok because she only made out and gave handjobs. Of course then she started screwing random guys two months after I met her, so that obviously failed.

Beware slippery slopes!

Hugh, when did you switch teams?

A while back, man. It was going pretty effin' well until I made two major mistakes: I fell too deeply for a 19-year-old who... wait for it... decided, quite unexpectedly, she wasn't gay but confused and said "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be gay." So, it hurts (a lot) but I'm trying to be understanding 'n shit. I still hold out hope for Natalie Portman, Elizabeth Hurley, Penelope Cruz and Monica Bellucci to convert...