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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Tadao Jul 25th, 2011 05:07 PM

Turn it in to Nadar anyways.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 25th, 2011 05:07 PM


10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 25th, 2011 05:08 PM

FREE HAM FOR NO ONE.

Fathom Zero Jul 25th, 2011 05:08 PM

I guess I can go back to not buying from Omaha Steaks, then. :\

Kitsa Jul 25th, 2011 05:10 PM

Their feedback on facebook is hilarious. I love "the Great Ham Scam"!

Aaarg Jul 25th, 2011 07:10 PM

Aren't they one of those companies that sells meat out of their trucks? I guess they just deliver meat.

One time somebody came to the door trying to sell frozen meat and my sister bought some because the guy's shirt said "nobody beats our meat."

SIGH.

Grislygus Jul 25th, 2011 08:08 PM

Fuck the product, I would have bought the shirt

creeposaurus Jul 25th, 2011 08:30 PM


Chojin Jul 25th, 2011 10:12 PM

i'd be tempted to write them a nasty letter all about early termination of business contracts but i really can't be fuct

also i think the world has enough legal threats in it

Aaarg Jul 25th, 2011 10:50 PM

sometimes i pretend one of my cats is a pokemon and he just says "greybo greybo greybo! grey-bo? greyboooooo!"

yes i have a cat named greybo

he has a different name at the vet's office because greybo.

Fathom Zero Jul 25th, 2011 10:54 PM

:lol

k0k0 Jul 25th, 2011 10:55 PM

I had a cat named Blacky, who was black and my girlfriend didn't want me using her real name at the vets so they wouldn't think we were racist. I told her it wasn't racist, the cat was black. The vet made more of a deal about my dog being named Puppy than the cat being Blacky.

I once had a couple of homeless drifters stay in my house for 3 weeks. I was trying to get with the girl drifter. Anyways, the guy drifter's nickname was Whitey even though he was black. Was pretty funny shit when he'd introduce himself to people. I never got with the girl drifter, although I did see her naked a few times.

Aaarg Jul 25th, 2011 11:15 PM

my grandmother had a black poodle named spook and one time some neighborhood kid (black kid) asked her what her dog's name was, she paused for a minute and said fido or some generic dog name.

Esuohlim Jul 26th, 2011 04:37 AM

So I was browsing the SA forums (shut it) and I came across this post. Spoilered for table-breaking.

Spoilers!

Fathom Zero Jul 26th, 2011 04:43 AM

lol but srsly he's dumb

Pentegarn Jul 26th, 2011 07:21 AM

That's the most coherent thing he has ever posted anywhere

Zhukov Jul 26th, 2011 12:22 PM

He's actually homeless :lol


That's actually terrible. Why does he act like such a toss? I'd send him money if he didn't.

creeposaurus Jul 26th, 2011 01:34 PM

I had a goldfish named Henry cos he was glutton

King Hadas Jul 26th, 2011 01:52 PM

There seems to be something wrong with the birthday bar at the bottom of the forum. What could it be? I guess we'd all better just take a look then huh.

k0k0 Jul 26th, 2011 01:56 PM

Keep fishing, I'm not gonna be the first person to say it.

Aaarg Jul 26th, 2011 02:07 PM

hadas does your avatar hamburger have fingers in it?

King Hadas Jul 26th, 2011 02:15 PM

maybe, might just be a bit of grease though. Or some refried beans. or a slice of folded ham.

Aaarg Jul 26th, 2011 02:27 PM

oh well happy birthday anyway enjoy your cheesefinger

Esuohlim Jul 26th, 2011 03:26 PM

Happt birhjday king midas

Chojin Jul 26th, 2011 03:30 PM

MORE LIKE HAPPY BANDAY

CHEESEBURGER MAN

Fathom Zero Jul 26th, 2011 03:46 PM

Oh cheeseburgers equal bans. That's cool.

Dixie Jul 26th, 2011 04:11 PM

yo, happy birthday hadassssssssss

Aaarg Jul 26th, 2011 05:27 PM

small towns are pretty awesome all right.

i got a haircut and the shop only takes cash/checks, he just said "you can come back and pay later." wow really? that trusting? sweet.

i had to call to schedule a heating oil delivery (what the fuck is this, 1967?) and i guess we don't have an account with this company so the lady was asking where the house is, eventually asking "are you renting from the halls?" "yeah." "all right, i know where it is." what the fuck, sweet. i hate having to explain "we're the small green house on the left just after the day care (that nobody ever notices)."

Chojin Jul 26th, 2011 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 733896)
Oh cheeseburgers equal bans. That's cool.

SARCASM IS WORTH AN INFRACTION


Pentegarn Jul 26th, 2011 07:45 PM

That a new emoticon then?

Tadao Jul 26th, 2011 07:55 PM


Womti Jul 26th, 2011 08:36 PM

:(

Evil Robot II Jul 26th, 2011 10:22 PM


Aaarg Jul 26th, 2011 10:30 PM

actually when i get out of the shower the first thing i put on is a tie as well

Grislygus Jul 27th, 2011 06:14 AM

FUCK GODADDY.COM JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FUCK GODADDY.COM SCREW THIS I'M WAITING TILL THE MORNING FUCK GODADDY.COM WITH A RAILROAD SPIKE HOW'S THAT FOR A PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT

Pentegarn Jul 27th, 2011 07:26 AM

You forgot scantily clad women doing vaguely lesbian things together

Fathom Zero Jul 27th, 2011 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grislygus (Post 733991)
FUCK GODADDY.COM JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FUCK GODADDY.COM SCREW THIS I'M WAITING TILL THE MORNING FUCK GODADDY.COM WITH A RAILROAD SPIKE HOW'S THAT FOR A PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT

You seem a little tense.

Tadao Jul 27th, 2011 12:14 PM

He couldn't get off. :(

Colonel Flagg Jul 27th, 2011 02:39 PM

I had to look GODADDY.COM up on Wikipedia, and I still don't know what it is - shows how plugged into the interwebs I am. :(

There's even a GODADDY.COM Bowl game. WTH?

Fathom Zero Jul 27th, 2011 02:50 PM

They have commercials with sexy ladies.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 27th, 2011 03:19 PM

Yeah like danica patrick :rolleyes

Tadao Jul 27th, 2011 03:35 PM

and Joan Rivers :wank

k0k0 Jul 27th, 2011 03:49 PM

and Amy Winehouse :shocked

MarioRPG Jul 27th, 2011 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 734039)
They have commercials with sexy ladies.

Oh that GoDaddy. :rolleyes

Grislygus Jul 27th, 2011 08:16 PM

I WITHDRAW MY RAGE AT GODADDY.COM, THEIR CUSTOMER SERVICE WAS VERY SATISFACTORY AND "MELISSA" WAS PATIENT, HELPFUL, AND FIXED MY PROBLEMS

Fathom Zero Jul 27th, 2011 08:21 PM

va bene

Aaarg Jul 27th, 2011 08:36 PM

her name was probably alyssa and she's going to be pissed because you got her name wrong i think she's actually reading this right now (hi alyssa)

replicant Jul 27th, 2011 10:32 PM

Ugh! Minecraft has taken over my life. *sigh*

creeposaurus Jul 27th, 2011 11:07 PM

Danica Patrick
Model, Spokeperson, Race Car Driver, Actress (?), Bitch


Aaarg Jul 27th, 2011 11:18 PM

jesus christ i was just thinking "wow winnie cooper looks different as shit now" but that's a different danica apparently

danica is a name that more than one person has? more than one person in the public eye, at that?

what is this crazy mixed up world

Zhukov Jul 27th, 2011 11:31 PM

That's strange. I'd never heard of the name before, but last night I met a Danica, and I was just chatting to her RIGHT NOW while I read through this thread.

Chojin Jul 27th, 2011 11:40 PM

http://michaelkelly.artofeurope.com/karl.htm

oh shit lol

Fathom Zero Jul 27th, 2011 11:43 PM

hey I remember that

Zhukov Jul 27th, 2011 11:50 PM

'Hello Roy,' I say. 'What are you doing in Dusseldorf?'



No more explanation is required.

Chojin Jul 28th, 2011 12:32 AM

my favorite part is how he needs to announce out loud that someone is completely wrapped in clingfilm after he does it

Zhukov Jul 28th, 2011 12:45 AM

I like how clinical it all is, and how Roy says something like "COMMENCE" just before they start.

This is my favourite part:

Quote:

'Uh-oh,' I say to Jetta. 'It is all going wrong.'

The crowd turns ugly. They storm the podium with various cries.

'Seize him.'

'Disarrange his clothing.'

'Take away his terrapin.'

'Confiscate his cling-film.'

'Banish him to a distant province.'
Because it's completely serious and all makes sense.

Fathom Zero Jul 28th, 2011 01:18 AM

The worst part about being here is you can only kill yourself once.

Shyandquietguy Jul 28th, 2011 01:29 AM

NSFW and Not safe for ears due to the mike being from an MP3 player! Turn down volume b4 starting k?

Hey guys, I just found out I can do part of Pops from Regular Show!

Supafly345 Jul 28th, 2011 03:39 AM


Guitar Woman Jul 28th, 2011 10:09 AM

Seperated from Chris Chan at birth?

Womti Jul 28th, 2011 12:12 PM

:loveeyes

Pentegarn Jul 28th, 2011 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by creeposaurus (Post 734090)
Danica Patrick
Model, Spokeperson, Race Car Driver, Actress (?), Bitch


That is about the least flattering pic of her ever :lol

Aaarg Jul 28th, 2011 06:59 PM

hey guys, keep your eyes to the skies in the middle of the night in the coming weeks
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/n...rseid-aquarid/

:alien:

Otto Jul 28th, 2011 07:03 PM

I've scheduled an appointment with my shrink and have a list of all the weird shit and suicide plans that run through my head when I hit a funk, if you don't hear from me after Wednesday the third, odds are I'm stuck in some urine-stained padded cell somewhere with a head full of Thorazine.

Esuohlim Jul 28th, 2011 07:46 PM

10kV you haven't seen Stand and Deliver or Blade Runner? :eek OR BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA

creeposaurus Jul 28th, 2011 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pentegarn (Post 734247)
That is about the least flattering pic of her ever :lol





Thar we goooo

Esuohlim Jul 28th, 2011 07:54 PM

TMBG released a non-children's album over a week ago and NOBODY TOLD ME? >:

Fathom Zero Jul 28th, 2011 07:58 PM

lol

I'm out of the loop, too. My mommy had to tell me. :(

Esuohlim Jul 28th, 2011 07:59 PM

I am quite excited. I'm not a fan of their kid's albums at all so I stopped paying attention to them for awhile because it felt like that's all they cared about these days

Fathom Zero Jul 28th, 2011 08:02 PM





Sounds aight.

executioneer Jul 28th, 2011 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 734263)
TMBG released a non-children's album over a week ago and NOBODY TOLD ME? >:

whoaaaa

Fathom Zero Jul 28th, 2011 10:15 PM

There's also this that I missed out on.


Aaarg Jul 28th, 2011 11:52 PM

what else might they be?

i think they might be drug dealers.

>:|

Colonel Flagg Jul 28th, 2011 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 734260)
10kV you haven't seen Stand and Deliver

My favorite EJO movie. :thumbsup

Colonel Flagg Jul 29th, 2011 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by creeposaurus (Post 734262)

That is about how I picture Danica if she were wearing a burqa. :eek

Colonel Flagg Jul 29th, 2011 12:01 AM

:pagebrak

Sorry. :(

k0k0 Jul 29th, 2011 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otto (Post 734254)
I've scheduled an appointment with my shrink and have a list of all the weird shit and suicide plans that run through my head when I hit a funk, if you don't hear from me after Wednesday the third, odds are I'm stuck in some urine-stained padded cell somewhere with a head full of Thorazine.

I was never suicidal, but due to drugs I've taken in the past, I did have pretty bad panic attacks at one time. I tried 6 different anti-anxiety/anti depressants which really fucked with me. Eventually the psychiatrist I was seeing told me to go to a mental hospital where they can monitor my anxiety drug usage and find the right one for me since I was having bad reactions to the ones I was taking.

When I got into the mental hospital, they took my shoe laces, belt, and a bunch of other shit from me. I then saw a doctor for all of 3 minutes who diagnosed my condition as bipolar and gave me lithium for it. Took a walk around and looked at all the crazies. Some were just crying and others making loud sounds in their rooms during the night. I got a headache so asked for tylenol, but instead they gave me ibuprophen, which later I found out increases the toxicity of the lithium I was taking. So I had some really fucked reactions.

It also didn't help that my roommate there was a normal old man by day, but a sleepwalking fuck face at night. He would just keep walking around our room, stomping and talking to himself. He would constantly get up in my face and ask me about people I didn't know or where his cigarettes were, where I hid them. One time he was talking about a guy with a giant cock. He was a really nice old dude until he slept. They wouldn't give me a different room either, so I got no sleep the whole night and slept during the day which they frowned upon because I was missing group therapy and all that bullshit.

So after the first day passed, I asked to be released. Since I was there on my own accord, it stipulated in the agreement that I signed when I went in that I could be let out within 4 hours of asking. I asked to be let out and they wouldn't let me. They said give it a day and we'll see. I gave it a day, 2 days, 3 days. On the third day, I asked if I could go outside. They said no, nobody is allowed outside. I told them I really felt like I was lacking in vitamin D. They let me out with a chaperone for 10 minutes and at the end of the 10 minutes, I ran for it. He caught me since I had no shoes on. On the 5th day they finally let me leave and I was a whole lot more fucked than I was when I came in. I don't recommend ever checking yourself into a mental hospital unless you're as crazy as some of the fuckers who are in there.

Esuohlim Jul 29th, 2011 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colonel Flagg (Post 734297)
My favorite EJO movie. :thumbsup

Hey Flagg, what's calcoolis? :picklehat

Fathom Zero Jul 29th, 2011 12:52 AM



IT'S TOO BAD SHE WON'T LIVE. BUT THEN AGAIN... WHO DOES?

ThrashO Jul 29th, 2011 03:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 734300)
I was never suicidal, but due to drugs I've taken in the past, I did have pretty bad panic attacks at one time. I tried 6 different anti-anxiety/anti depressants which really fucked with me. Eventually the psychiatrist I was seeing told me to go to a mental hospital where they can monitor my anxiety drug usage and find the right one for me since I was having bad reactions to the ones I was taking.

When I got into the mental hospital, they took my shoe laces, belt, and a bunch of other shit from me. I then saw a doctor for all of 3 minutes who diagnosed my condition as bipolar and gave me lithium for it. Took a walk around and looked at all the crazies. Some were just crying and others making loud sounds in their rooms during the night. I got a headache so asked for tylenol, but instead they gave me ibuprophen, which later I found out increases the toxicity of the lithium I was taking. So I had some really fucked reactions.

It also didn't help that my roommate there was a normal old man by day, but a sleepwalking fuck face at night. He would just keep walking around our room, stomping and talking to himself. He would constantly get up in my face and ask me about people I didn't know or where his cigarettes were, where I hid them. One time he was talking about a guy with a giant cock. He was a really nice old dude until he slept. They wouldn't give me a different room either, so I got no sleep the whole night and slept during the day which they frowned upon because I was missing group therapy and all that bullshit.

So after the first day passed, I asked to be released. Since I was there on my own accord, it stipulated in the agreement that I signed when I went in that I could be let out within 4 hours of asking. I asked to be let out and they wouldn't let me. They said give it a day and we'll see. I gave it a day, 2 days, 3 days. On the third day, I asked if I could go outside. They said no, nobody is allowed outside. I told them I really felt like I was lacking in vitamin D. They let me out with a chaperone for 10 minutes and at the end of the 10 minutes, I ran for it. He caught me since I had no shoes on. On the 5th day they finally let me leave and I was a whole lot more fucked than I was when I came in. I don't recommend ever checking yourself into a mental hospital unless you're as crazy as some of the fuckers who are in there.

That was an awesome story :eek

Colonel Flagg Jul 29th, 2011 06:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 734307)
Hey Flagg, what's calcoolis? :picklehat

"Fill the hole!"

Kitsa Jul 29th, 2011 06:42 AM

agreed :eek

edit: I mean, about the story.

creeposaurus Jul 29th, 2011 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 734300)
I don't recommend ever checking yourself into a mental hospital unless you're as crazy as some of the fuckers who are in there.

I was in there for about a month and boy was it a fucking nightmare.

The roomie they put me with was addicted to crack and was going through withdrawals so I could hear her scratching her skin off at night. Her bedsheets were covered in spots of blood all the time. I also saw some Russian guy's junk cos he was yelling at the nurses for making him get out of the bathroom while he was showering. There were also people fucking in their rooms. Yay.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 29th, 2011 02:41 PM

I want the TIME OUT HOCKEY REF TAKE THE SURVEY AD turned into an emoticon.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 29th, 2011 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 734307)
Hey Flagg, what's calcoolis? :picklehat


Tadao Jul 29th, 2011 02:50 PM

It was MarioRPG who had to work at the crazy hotel, right?

Seven Force Jul 29th, 2011 03:22 PM

Good thing you didn't talk to me, I encourage suicides

Seven Force Jul 29th, 2011 03:22 PM

And abortions

Seven Force Jul 29th, 2011 03:23 PM

And arboretums

Aaarg Jul 29th, 2011 04:33 PM

hey arboretums are good

Aaarg Jul 29th, 2011 04:34 PM

also abortion and suicide but in a different way, y'dig

k0k0 Jul 29th, 2011 08:28 PM

If you ever want to edit the text of a website or news site to mock someone, here's a tip. Works on firefox, not sure about others.

1. Go to website you'd like to edit.
2. Put this into the address bar and press enter:

javascript:document.body.contentEditable='true'; document.designMode='on'; void 0

3. Edit the text to your liking. It keeps the same font in place so it looks real. Then just take a print screen of it and then paste it into your favorite paint program. There you go. No need to use an editing program unless you want to change the pictures on the site.

Kitsa Jul 29th, 2011 10:59 PM

I just saw the most awesome and magnificent tattoo I've ever seen in my life. Were it not dark and on a fairly frightening-looking man, I totally would have gone up and asked to take a pic of it :(

k0k0 Jul 29th, 2011 11:13 PM

I used to get that a lot with one of my tattoos, but since my skin is a bit darker due to being outside more, it's harder to see as clearly. It's a kitty cat fighting a snake.

I was cleaning out my friend's house and found a picture he had drawn in highschool of a cat fighting a snake. He got embarrassed when I asked if I could have it because it was funny. He hid it from me, then threw it in the trash. When he came over to my house the next day, I had it on my wall. He took it and put it in his closet at his house again. So I stole it from him again, took it to the tattoo parlor and said I wanted the same kind of picture, but drawn better. After about 3 days of design work they contacted me to come get my tat and I did. Got me a cat fighting a snake on my arm now and my friend didn't like it.

Kitsa Jul 29th, 2011 11:20 PM

This guy had two big raised moles on his bicep, and the topless pinup lady was lined up just right. It was completely perfect. I was in awe.

k0k0 Jul 29th, 2011 11:22 PM

Oh nice! I would have taken a picture of it or asked him if I could at least. But I could see not wanting to upset a big scary dude if I were a girl.

Kitsa Jul 29th, 2011 11:23 PM

I smiled at him a lot, so he probably thought I was insane. If I see him again, I might ask.

Aaarg Jul 30th, 2011 12:43 AM

one time i was an an ihop with the only person i've ever met from the internet. he had the biggest smile on his face, and i asked what was funny, he said nothing. he sent me a text message that said "the guy behind you has a yoda tattoo."

also this gal that came into my food lion (FUCK) every so often had a quarter-sleeve? half-sleeve? i don't know, her shoulder-to-elbow was covered with a KISS tattoo.

k0k0 Jul 30th, 2011 12:50 AM

I have the cheese from Rocko's Modern Life on my right bicep. He is the best character on the show.



I was going to get a jar of mayo on my left bicep, but eh, I have that space saved for something truly wacky in the future.

Aaarg Jul 30th, 2011 12:54 AM

my pasty white flesh is pasty and white all over!!!!!


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