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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Colonel Flagg Mar 16th, 2009 06:51 AM

I'm not exactly a "medical" doctor, but it sounds like you have some bronchitis. See your doctor for a prescription medication that will give him a nice kickback. Srsly.

Dixie Mar 16th, 2009 07:04 AM

IT'S AIDS

kahljorn Mar 16th, 2009 07:37 AM

Will bronchitis go away on its own? I don't usually go to doctors cause i have no money ;o

I don't really have much of a cough mostly just a sore throat/feels like something is stuck in my throat ;o maybe its just sinus irritation or something ;\

AND MAYBE I WOULDNT HAVE AIDS IF FUCKING YOU IN YOUR BUTT WASNT IRRESISTABLE CARNIVOREISGOD.

Dixie Mar 16th, 2009 08:52 AM

IT'S AIDS.


AND I NEVER SAID IT WAS A GOOD IDEA.

Aaarg Mar 16th, 2009 09:10 AM

definitely aids

Dixie Mar 16th, 2009 11:42 AM

Out of desperation and weakness I bought ultralights.

Kitsa Mar 16th, 2009 11:49 AM

A neighbor lady asked me out to lunch next week and then proceeded to provide a list of places where she would not go.

I love people.

Dixie Mar 16th, 2009 11:49 AM

Hahaha, you have such colorful people in your life

Kitsa Mar 16th, 2009 11:58 AM

I think everyone has people like this, I just talk about it, heh.

This lady is very "colorful" indeed, and by that I mean when she gives you a list of places she will not go for your birthday lunch, and said birthday lunch is already postponed for a week because you're spending your actual birthday doing favors for her, it really doesn't surprise you at all.

But that's ok. Makes life interesting.

Dixie Mar 16th, 2009 12:14 PM

Very particular!

Womti Mar 16th, 2009 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaarg (Post 619568)
definitely aids


Colonel Flagg Mar 16th, 2009 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 619577)
A neighbor lady asked me out to lunch next week and then proceeded to provide a list of places where she would not go.

Do you expect her to stick you with the check too? ;)

Kitsa Mar 16th, 2009 03:05 PM

Oh! Yes, well, the check is a different thing entirely. I forgot to tell you about her system with checks.

It used to be, among this group of 5 people, that at these lunches the remaining 4 people would split the bill of the fifth "guest of honor". You know, in lieu of a gift, they'd split the cost of your lunch 4 ways. It worked out well. Except she gradually began souring on that concept.

At the end of her own birthday lunch, after everyone had paid for her meal, she announced that at the next person's, everyone would start paying for their own.

Let me repeat that...she decided that after hers was taken care of, ensuring that she had one last hurrah before she got to enjoy an entire year of not paying for $4 or whatever of someone else's lunch.

Tadao Mar 16th, 2009 03:08 PM

Hehehe, she is the queen on smalltown, usa

Kitsa Mar 16th, 2009 03:10 PM

Self-appointed and self-anointed, yes.

kahljorn Mar 16th, 2009 03:55 PM

YEA I HAVE AIDS: AWESOME IMPORTANT DUDE SMILING

Man i would totally tell that lady to shove a rock up her anus :(

My wife was driving the last night and she was on a two lane road that turned into one road so of course people have to yield and she was in the lane people were supposed yield into and there was only one guy in that lane, so that one guy decided to CUT HER OFF and shortly after my girlfriend honked at him he SLAMMED ON HIS BRAKES COMING TO A COMPLETE STOP IN FRONT OF HER AND NOT EVEN AT A STOP SIGN. he did this like 3 times, then he was driving all slow so my girlfriend tried to pass him and then he started speeding up trying to not let her get over ;\
Theeeen, she was at the intersection to turn, she was in the right lane he was in the lane that went straight so he like DROVE AROUND HER AND CUT HER OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERSECTION THEN DROVE ALL SLOW IN FRONT OF HER. Then she decided to write down his license plate and when he realized what she was doing he started driving all fast and panicked :lol
then she pulled up next to him at a stop sign and showed him the license number cause she got the whole thing and he was all, "Drrrrhaaa" with a scared retard face ;\

I HATE PEOPLE! Then the other day this guy was at an intersection where there's two right turn lanes, obviously because there's two different lanes you can pull into (one goes onto a freeway, the other onto an avenue). So he's sitting there for like a few minutes before we even get there, even though there's no reason to, then when we decide to go he almost TURNS INTO US CAUSE HES TRYING TO GET INTO OUR LANE. Luckily he stopped so i flipped him off then he started driving all close to us and trying to stare us down so we laughed at him and I did some dances. He followed us for like ten minutes though trying to be creepy ;\
It's no wonder that there have been so many killing sprees lately ;\

Oh yea and then my dumb neighbors who only pay for one trashcan keep stealing our trashcans (we just paid for a new one, too) and they have THREE TRASHCANS WHEN THEY SHOULD ONLY HAVE ONE. We have four cause there's four addresses at my house. Anyway the city kept trying to contact them about it and they kept ignoring theem, not answering the door, responding to phonecalls/letters. So the city came out and took their trashcans and gave ours back to us. So a couple days later they steal it again and fill it with their illicit goods (they are running an illicit business out of their home and using trashcans to dump the products because they tried to apply for a city contract without a business license so THEYRE ONTO THEM) and they put their illicit goods in our other trashcans too. So the other day by chance they were cooking food outside, since nobody else could get a hold of them i told them the city said they should only have one trashcan and that they (the city) are gonna call the cops if they do it again. The son (prolly in his 30's) was all, "YOULL HAVE TO TALK TO MY MOM THOSE ARE HER TRASHCANS" and she hid in the house till she heard cops then she came running out and was all, "YOUR HANDY MAN TOLD US HE MADE A MISTAKE THAT ITS OUR TRASHCAN" meaning she probably yelled at him and he's just some dumbass crackhead who doesn't know any better so he apologized and gave it back... anyway we had to tell the hobag that they are only paying for one (which she proceeded to argue that THERE WERE TWO WHEN WE MOVED IN) and that the cops are gonna be called on them and then she straightened up and said they would put it back ;\
but then the city found out so they brought us a new one and they're turning them in for running a business out of their home without a license and dumping stuff y ou're not supposed to dump in trashcans (its supposed to be hauled or something.)

JESUS HATFIELD.

Kitsa Mar 16th, 2009 04:01 PM

LOL, what an idiot.

We had a guy stop in the middle of an intersection in front of us the other day. He was trying to make a turn into oncoming traffic to get into the oncoming traffic of I-75. We couldn't figure it out...surely he could see two lanes of cars on a freeway off ramp coming straight at him, right?

I don't know what it is with people stealing trashcans. We have a family across the street who keeps stealing our recycle bins.

kahljorn Mar 16th, 2009 05:36 PM

You can call the city and they will get pissed off and annoy them :O

That happens all the time here for some reason. i think everybody here is just retarded. I always see overly aggressive drivers, who cut people off like crazy and drive too fast stop in the middle of the intersection, and then stay there. I think they do it so that they can be like, "IM NOT STUPID... NOT STUPID... IM NOT STUPID AND NOBODY CAN SEE ME."

b_squared Mar 16th, 2009 06:08 PM

Writing down the license plate is smart, sometimes if I'm at a stop I will take a cell phone photo of it. It usually stops the asshole behaviour from the other driver.
Before I moved we had to paint the address on our trashcans so people did not take them. The city did not seem to care about our cans being stolen, so why should I care if I painted their containers.

The Leader Mar 16th, 2009 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 619610)
My wife was driving the last night . . . after my girlfriend honked at him. . .

:confused:

Kitsa Mar 16th, 2009 07:04 PM

With Kahl, I've learned not to ask questions.

Babs Mar 16th, 2009 07:35 PM

I can't believe I read that whole rant but fuck that asshole for being a prick and escalating the situation to a level it shoul of never been at. Report that ass in.

kahljorn Mar 16th, 2009 08:56 PM

I call my wife my girlfriend all the time. I like the sound of girlfriend better ;o Also i think its habit. PLUS IT LETS THE LADIES KNOW IM STILL AVAILABLE FOR SOME SIDE ACTION/THREESOMES/FOURSOMES.

haha the city came out today i guess they are really annoyed with those people because they won't respond to their calls/emails/letters (over the course of a month) and they keep having to come out. So the city is bringing them up on ab unch of code violations: Pressing charges for running an unlicensed business, pressing charges for illegal dumping (supposed to be taken to the dump not in a trashcan), and they are also taking away all of their trashcans until they contact the city (because they pretend like they aren't there whenever the city comes out). :LOL
JUSTICE.

Tadao Mar 16th, 2009 09:08 PM

I called my wife my girlfriend for a year. We dated for 5 years before getting married. I got used to it.

Aaarg Mar 16th, 2009 11:18 PM

I asked my friend if he wanted to go camping in April. He said sure. I pointed out that it wasn't car camping and that he'd have to carry a backpack, and he asked "is it safe?" and "do you have bear mace?"

I need new friends. Now.

Tadao Mar 17th, 2009 03:46 AM

2009 blog awards. Yay!

http://2009.bloggies.com/

kahljorn Mar 17th, 2009 06:50 AM

LA DE DA DE DAAAA

kahljorn Mar 17th, 2009 06:51 AM

I smel like fucking nail polish remover i hate that shit :( and i hate nailpolish why does it have to be impossible to get off ;\

kahljorn Mar 17th, 2009 06:53 AM

IM GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL FOR ALL OF MY GOOD DEEDS

kahljorn Mar 17th, 2009 06:56 AM

GOD DOESNT BELIEVE IN SECRETARIES RECEPTIONISTS ACCOUNTANTS OR CREDITORS

he can do it by HIMSELF

Kitsa Mar 17th, 2009 07:00 AM

I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

I'm painting my finger- and toenails green. This is always one of the worst days for me because everyone assumes a redheaded person is Irish. I guarantee you I will here, "Guh-huh-huh, looka that red hair, you Irish?" or some variation thereof at least five or six times today.

I used to have an attitude and wear black. And I'd say, "If you pinch me, I'm punching you on Bastille Day." I've since matured to apathy.

Whatever, let them think I'm Irish if it makes 'em happy. I could oblige by being drunk, I guess.

kahljorn Mar 17th, 2009 07:01 AM

YOURE NOT IRISH :O :O :O

YOU HALF FRENCH HALF JEWISH IRSH PERSON >:

kahljorn Mar 17th, 2009 07:02 AM

Quote:

I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
THINK ABOUT IT

Kitsa Mar 17th, 2009 07:02 AM

No, I'm not Irish. Unless one went on a fantastic trip to France and impregnated some locals.

And I'm less than half-Jewish, lol.

Kitsa Mar 17th, 2009 07:05 AM

btw nail polish with sparkles is the worst. You get it off and you've still got glitter. And it usually fucks up the next polish you put on.

Dixie Mar 17th, 2009 07:07 AM

Soak your nails for 10 minutes after you use the polish remover and then use the polish remover again to get the excess off.

Mines is green too.
:D

Kitsa Mar 17th, 2009 07:23 AM

:D

It's supposed to be 71F and sunny here today. I plan on wearing shorts. Everyone can gape at my pasty, freckled, not-irish legs.

Babs Mar 17th, 2009 12:00 PM

I want you guys to drink til you piss green tonight, and I mean that in the manner of getting obliterated to the point of having sex with a diseased whore where you can actually smell the syphilis dripping from every orifice of her body in which you contract that horrible venereal disease.

Oh and happy St. Patty's Day.

wobzire Mar 17th, 2009 12:16 PM

I just had Lucky Charms. I feel festive.

Dixie Mar 17th, 2009 12:34 PM

I'm crabby.
It might be nap time.

Womti Mar 17th, 2009 02:14 PM

hey look guys
I discovered how to use italics again
:(

Kitsa Mar 17th, 2009 07:00 PM

:(

I'm tired. It's a glorious day, 70F and sunny. Why do I have to be tired? I should be out enjoying this.

Tadao Mar 17th, 2009 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schick Mick (Post 619726)
hey look guys
I discovered how to use italics again

:(

:squigly

Esuohlim Mar 17th, 2009 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schick Mick (Post 619726)
hey look guys
I discovered how to use italics again
:(

That's a terrible haiku, womti

kahljorn Mar 17th, 2009 10:47 PM

I'm not drinking today because only faggots drink on st patrick's day.

Dixie Mar 17th, 2009 11:00 PM

I'm not drinking because I don't drink at home.
When I post drunk it's because I was somewhere else drinking.
I'm only a social alcoholic.

Guitar Woman Mar 17th, 2009 11:08 PM

I should be drinking

I had a panic attack today, that was fun

kahljorn Mar 18th, 2009 05:24 AM

Having panic attacks on st. patties day is for faggots.

usually when i take nail polish off i wipe all of my nails with a cotton ball/polish remover, let it sit a bit, then i might let the cotton ball sit on it for a while before trying to get it off. Then i go back and wipe it off again :( usually makes it easier but it takes forreeeeveeeer.

Kitsa Mar 18th, 2009 08:36 AM

I had half a wonderful, cold Dos Equis before I remembered I was back on heavy MS drugs now (not for MS, for other neuro stuff) and that it wasn't a good idea.

I put the alcohol away and woke up with a hideous headache and my right eye watering :/

Tadao Mar 18th, 2009 07:23 PM


MetalMilitia Mar 18th, 2009 07:32 PM

How the hell can you make a ~20 page children's book into a film?

Tadao Mar 18th, 2009 07:35 PM

I dont know, but it's been so long since I've read it, I wouldn't remember anything from it anyways.

MetalMilitia Mar 18th, 2009 07:47 PM

Actually come to think of it you can really make anything into a film. They'll just need a lot of filler.

Kitsa Mar 18th, 2009 10:33 PM

I had a bad situation today.

I was cleaning the garage when a little girl down the street (who shouldn't have been home alone, but was) decided to take her not-at-all-trained dog for a walk (shouldn't have been out at all, but it was). The dog got as far as my duplex when it decided to try and attack the neighbor's dog. It was snapping and snarling and barking, this kid who couldn't have been older than 7 or 8 was being dragged on her butt behind it because she couldn't control it, and I was the only adult in the area until the neighbor started screaming at her. And then he left and she was sitting with this dog, bawling in my driveway.

I mean, what the hell can you do? I was no more capable of handling the dog than she was, but I grabbed the dog near the collar and helped her walk it back home.

Bad, bad situation that could've gotten ugly so fast.

What the hell was a kid that young doing home alone with a dog like that?

b_squared Mar 18th, 2009 10:54 PM

If I worked in your neighborhood I would probally be paying the parents and dog owners a visit.

Your lucky you did not have to break up a dog fight, because that is a good way to get bit.

Kitsa Mar 18th, 2009 10:59 PM

social worker?

MetalMilitia Mar 18th, 2009 11:56 PM

Contract killer.

MetalMilitia Mar 18th, 2009 11:58 PM

Happy Birthday Kitsa.

Kitsa Mar 19th, 2009 12:06 AM

Thanks :)

Dixie Mar 19th, 2009 01:06 AM

oh happy birthday kitsa!!!
:)
i did not know

Tadao Mar 19th, 2009 03:19 AM

Happy Kitsa day! BTW, you shouldn't look at that as a bad situation. Remember when we were kids? Hell we were the original latch key generation! I used to fight with my brother with nunchicks in the middle of the street with no adults to be found. We had many stitches and many "bad situations".

You handled it like a good block mommy and when the little girl looks at you as her hero, don't break her heart.

Babs Mar 19th, 2009 07:29 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KITSA!!! I'M ALREADY WASTED FOR YOU!!! GET NAUGHTY WITH IT POOP DAWG!

Kitsa Mar 19th, 2009 08:21 AM

LOL, thanks. I think my birthday may or may not have actually happened last weekend when it was most convenient for those around me...that's when the cake and lunch happened. But what the hell, might as well stretch it out.

In your FACE, "terminal" cancer at age 3!

10,000 Volt Ghost Mar 19th, 2009 10:45 AM

Happy Birthday Kitsa! Glad I made it back in time for it.

b_squared Mar 19th, 2009 01:49 PM

Happy Birthday Kitsa!

Contract Killer :)

Close enough, it's animal control, humane society, spca or whatever you call it where you live.

Colonel Flagg Mar 19th, 2009 01:55 PM

Happy Birthday Kit. Go wild.

:rave

Kitsa Mar 19th, 2009 01:55 PM

Ah, lol. Thanks.

I feel really bad for the dog. It just runs around that yard all day, and it's a herding dog so it goes absofuckinglutely nuts. It's small but very muscular and there was no way in hell that kid could control it. She shouldn't have tried, but she's a kid, and kids can be dumb.

I think when my neighbor screamed at her it scared her, hopefully she won't try it again.

WhiteRat Mar 19th, 2009 03:07 PM

For your birthday are you going top on or off?

Kitsa Mar 19th, 2009 10:17 PM

So far, on. But the night is young.

I don't know. After I had kids, topless is not the attractive thing it might have been before. I'd probably jump, smack myself in the forehead and wake up the next afternoon.

:(

The following conversation happened at dinner:

MOM: Did you hear that Obama's going to fuck with American Idol?

Me: (silent for a moment) ...what?

MOM: Did you hear Obama's fucking with American Idol again?

Me: ...what do you mean, "fucking with American Idol"?

MOM: Well, he's going to have some primetime address or something. He said he would do it.

My mom, who has a thing for American Idol, seems to believe Obama is personally fucking with its scheduling just to piss her off, lol.

Colonel Flagg Mar 19th, 2009 11:21 PM

All presidents have a thing for addressing the nation in primetime. It goes with the job that they pre-empt your favorite show, like "Survivor" or "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" or some other craptastic suckfest. So tell your mom that it's all part of his evil plan to take over the world! :p

Kitsa Mar 20th, 2009 09:47 AM





Yeah, I know. My parents dislike Obama so they're always primed for the next good reason to hate him. And now he's fucked with American Idol. ;)

Me, I didn't like either candidate, to tell you the truth.

10,000 Volt Ghost Mar 20th, 2009 10:02 AM

I started working my new schedule yesterday and it's a bit of an adustment. I used to work from 2pm - 11pm and now work 9ap - 6pm. It's going to be a bit rough for the first week at least.


Four more threads till 30,000.

Aaarg Mar 20th, 2009 11:19 AM

haaaay guys it's the first day of spring.

LET YOUR UNHAPPINESS MELT AWAY. HURRAH.

Shrubfest Mar 20th, 2009 02:36 PM

I missed Kitsa's birthday. :(

I'm sorry. I was drinking. Is that ok?

Babs Mar 20th, 2009 02:53 PM

YOU CAN NOT MISS KITSA'S BIRTHDAY, NO REDEMPTION FOR YOU.

Kitsa Mar 20th, 2009 05:27 PM

The way I look at it, the majority of the world missed my birthday and the sun went right on rising.

Being drunk is the best homage I can think of, so don't sweat it. Thanks.

Tadao Mar 20th, 2009 05:33 PM


Babs Mar 20th, 2009 07:17 PM

you still have the good ol' i-mockery forums where you can come and hate life just a little bit more

Kitsa Mar 20th, 2009 08:19 PM

It's a tall order to hate it much more.

At least I heard back from someone today; they've been ignoring me for weeks and I gots to get paid :(

Tadao Mar 20th, 2009 08:30 PM

What month is your showing? Oh and my bento request still stands.

Tadao Mar 20th, 2009 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cliff Steele (Post 620319)
dang dude my friend theresa lives there i will send her to look at games and get me something good ! you will see this woman


when do you work so i can send her by there

I need to own my own retro game store. :x


: pub

Kitsa Mar 20th, 2009 10:28 PM

I think it's in July unless I get bumped again :( The book is "at the printer's" now.

I was in some Brazilian paper the other day apparently and I got all of these emails in what looks like Portuguese->English babelfish. I don't know how people track me down but they do.

I've been trying to figure out what a piece of "Tadao" food art should be and I've been drawing a total blank :(

Tadao Mar 20th, 2009 10:40 PM

Not only that, it has to be Boyfriend acceptable :o

Kitsa Mar 20th, 2009 10:47 PM

lol

Babs Mar 21st, 2009 03:33 AM

shit, there's no way I read the post before me but I'm surper fucking wasted and I forgot ym friends so I have to go drive 8 more miles to get them and i allmost got pulled over but like the thread sead I'm drinking til my heart stops and i'm eatin and driving so SUE ME GET WASTED TIL YOU CAN'T PISS GREEN

executioneer Mar 21st, 2009 07:20 AM

i dont think your piss is supposed to be green to begin with, i think you're eating too much blue food coloring :(

Tadao Mar 21st, 2009 03:31 PM

I bet your head hurts today Babs.

Kitsa Mar 21st, 2009 04:45 PM

I saw a nascar fan in a truck today with INTIMIDATER spelled out in big decal letters across the back window.

At first I thought it was a delightful pun, but after seeing the guy (and those little Dale decals with the halos all over his truck)...I doubt it.

10,000 Volt Ghost Mar 21st, 2009 04:55 PM

LOL, my Arabian friend has The Arabinator on his.

Big McLargehuge Mar 21st, 2009 06:03 PM

For some reason it bugs the fuck out of me when people refer to Arabs as Arabians. It is technically correct but it seems somehow wrong.

Babs Mar 21st, 2009 06:37 PM

they don't deserve to be called arabians.

Kitsa Mar 21st, 2009 06:50 PM

I could see it differentiating an Arab from someone from Saudi Arabia.

I've never known any Saudi Arabians, so I don't know what they prefer.

10,000 Volt Ghost Mar 21st, 2009 06:55 PM

I'll ask him next time. He's never mentioned it before.

I've known him since I was 12 and didn't realize he was Arabian/Arab until we were 19 though. I just assumed he was Italian. Apparently there were a few of our close friends that just never knew either so for Halloween that year he dressed up like a Sultan with a scimitar.

Kitsa Mar 21st, 2009 07:03 PM

When I was in a college "youth" program, I and the other 13 year olds were shepherded around by a Kuwaiti guy named Ammar. Ammar was awesome.

He was supposed to take us to an outdoor concert once, and we stopped at Little Caesar's to get pizza to take. That was back during their Pizza Pizza days where you got 2 of everything. (I think they stopped that, didn't they?) Anyway, he ordered our pizzas and drinks and of course they gave him double.

He was freaked out and trying to give them back the extra pizzas. "No, you do not understand, I order..." It was hilarious. I think we walked out of there with 6 pizzas and I don't know how many drinks (back when they were in the cartons) and orders of breadsticks. We ended up giving a lot of it away.

kahljorn Mar 21st, 2009 07:23 PM

Yea that's like how i hate when they call nigers nigerians i mean what the hell.

I actually hate the word ARAB because people always say, "A" "RAB" like they are two separate words.

Kitsa Mar 21st, 2009 07:35 PM

Well, the one Nigerian I know refers to herself as Igbo (EE-bo) because tribal affiliation is really, really fucking important there.

kahljorn Mar 21st, 2009 10:08 PM

Well, that's good, I guess.

Big McLargehuge Mar 21st, 2009 10:20 PM

Tell that to the Tutsis :(

Kitsa Mar 21st, 2009 10:24 PM

Really, she's pretty badass. She fought in the Nigerian Civil war and personally witnessed the Bar Beach Executions. She said that criminals would just be randomly picked...didn't matter if they were murderers, rapists, pickpockets, political prisoners, whatever...chained to oil drums, and then the death squad would just open fire.

Babs Mar 22nd, 2009 02:07 AM

Those barbaric insignificants, they will pay for their actions.


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