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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Tadao Apr 17th, 2011 01:22 AM


executioneer Apr 17th, 2011 01:44 AM

i personally don't care for the risk-to-reward ratio

Esuohlim Apr 17th, 2011 01:48 AM

Sex is the one thing I do understand about the rest of humanity and its interests. :eek

Drugs, alcohol, internet memes, religion, politics, not so much :(

boring dude irl

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 17th, 2011 02:30 AM

I feel like there should be saturday evening tits.

Grislygus Apr 17th, 2011 02:39 AM

I will LEARN you 'bout alkiehol, boy





or maybe not :( I finally figured out that the sheer quantity of alcohol I could drink was pretty fucking gross and not acceptable outside of oregon, aka the civilized world. So I've scaled back hard :(

Grislygus Apr 17th, 2011 02:40 AM

And of course, I was a pathetic lightweight compared to my friends there, so they'll probably be dead from liver implosion by the time I finally visit them

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 17th, 2011 03:24 AM

I just used alfred hitchcock in apples to apples and these dicks didn't pick it.

executioneer Apr 17th, 2011 04:59 AM

aw shit apples to apples. that game is great

elx Apr 17th, 2011 01:12 PM

MLE and chojin, weren't you guys in high school around inner harbor during 9-11? did they tell you what was going on/let you watch it on television/force you to go home?

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 17th, 2011 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 717905)
aw shit apples to apples. that game is great

Me too.

Does any mid know if jess the dark one is a character? I just don't think anyone likes spyro or crash bandicoot.

Esuohlim Apr 17th, 2011 02:48 PM

Unless he's been perpetually nine years old since 1996

Chojin Apr 17th, 2011 05:00 PM

what about the inner harbor? i was in high school and it happened during our morning break, so a bunch of us went to our next class early to watch the tv. i was in latin class when i watched the second plane hit live. shortly after that we were all sent home.

Guitar Woman Apr 17th, 2011 05:00 PM

fuckdamnit

Guitar Woman Apr 17th, 2011 05:48 PM

My new editor guy wants three 300-word reviews on something other than Atari 2600 games.

I can only assume this is a test to see if I am, in fact, completely retarded. Maybe he's insulting me in some roundabout way.

I miss the old 800-word guy.

kahljorn Apr 17th, 2011 06:41 PM

Maybe its because writing something useful in under 300 words is so difficult. What is that like two paragraphs?

Guitar Woman Apr 17th, 2011 06:46 PM

Yeah. For reference, the little summary of what I thought of the new Assassin's Creed was 267 words or so.

On the other hand, he is supposed to be paying me. Although why you would award a salary to someone for rattling off shallow bullshit during their lunch break is beyond me. I really hope he just made a mistake while typing "3000."

kahljorn Apr 17th, 2011 06:49 PM

I shit out 300 words without even trying :(

Guitar Woman Apr 17th, 2011 06:53 PM

Biggs is right, I'm never gonna get off this rock

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 17th, 2011 07:55 PM

Not no w. Not never. I'm getting drunk and going to mustard plug. Bitches

Kitsa Apr 17th, 2011 11:23 PM

Discipline!

I won a 40-word short story contest once.

Tadao Apr 18th, 2011 12:06 AM

It's not that hard, just don't get overly excited about your product.

Fuck it, give him a bullet list of likes and dislikes. See how he likes them apples.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 18th, 2011 12:30 AM

I'm going to give you a butt list of dicks for writing after the show.

Tadao Apr 18th, 2011 01:12 AM

Oh oh, we have a code Gus.

Tadao Apr 18th, 2011 01:13 AM


Tadao Apr 18th, 2011 01:14 AM

:pagebrak

Guitar Woman Apr 18th, 2011 01:20 AM

But if I don't put effort into my work I'll be a sad Saucy.

Guitar Woman. Whatever.

Maybe I'll do a real review and then a little crappy one and make him choose between them.

Tadao Apr 18th, 2011 01:45 AM

That's a very good idea, just so long as you put real effort into the short one. He needs to know that you can do it.

Esuohlim Apr 18th, 2011 09:16 AM

Two inches of snow on April 18 >:

I know it's two inches I measured it with my dick >:

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO

Fathom Zero Apr 18th, 2011 09:38 AM

I kinda don't wanna do anything anymore. I hope I rebound soon.

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 12:34 PM

One thing I don't miss about being editor at a college newspaper was dealing with the op/ed/color writers

Word count equals block size. Editors lay out the page according to it. He needs 300 words to fill one specific (and apparently) tiny ass space on the page, and he told you to do it.

Editors have the one job of putting the whole damn thing together, as well as editing the works of "writers" who (in a school scenario) don't LIKE being edited, or told what to do. Who usually have to be aggressively prodded into making the deadline. Who take things personally. And have bizarrely inflated egos.

Guitar Woman Apr 18th, 2011 12:37 PM

I was under the impression that I was writing for a website, but surprise surprise, it's a proper wordy print magazine. I just wish he'd told me before he hired me.

Also I know what editors do and how print media works, dickshit, I go to college for this.

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 12:42 PM

My favorite guy was the great big fat dude who never showed up to the actual journalism class (therefore not knowing AP Style, and making our fucking jobs more difficult, in addition to the fundamental problems his writing had). He would write two or three editorials EVERY TIME; These I would give to the assistant editors, who then would proceed to literally play rock paper scissors over who would be forced to read them. They would be far too worthless to even edit, and far too long to even put in the paper even if they weren't fucktarded crazytown "political commentary". Then he would show up on the one worknight we'd send in for food, and then leave after he ate.

One of his "editorials" was so bad that we actually nailed it to the wall as example, testament, and warning. It was an entire Robert Kennedy speech, copied and pasted for four pages, preceded by a single paragraph that had jack shit nothing to do with anything. Which doubled as being insane and nonsensical in it's own context. The title, of course, was "POWER".

Every once in a while, when nothing would be going on, we'd just stare at it.

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 12:43 PM

Awwww, you DO? I was under the impression you were bitching about a word count

Esuohlim Apr 18th, 2011 12:47 PM

ART

AND JOURNALISM

THRE
AD

Guitar Woman Apr 18th, 2011 12:47 PM

I'd have to be pretty conceited to run around calling myself a writer and gushing about the work if I didn't have any sort of formal training and education to back my ass up. I'm not that much of a shithead.

Although to be fair I'm probably a lucky little bastard for literally accidentally landing a paid print gig, even if it's frustratingly restrictive. I'd really kill for an actual job as a reporter, instead of slumming it as a fucking worthless piece of shit entertainment critic, but it's a start, I guess.

Guitar Woman Apr 18th, 2011 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grislygus (Post 717987)
One of his "editorials" was so bad that we actually nailed it to the wall as example, testament, and warning. It was an entire Robert Kennedy speech, copied and pasted for four pages, preceded by a single paragraph that had jack shit nothing to do with anything. Which doubled as being insane and nonsensical in it's own context. The title, of course, was "POWER".

What.

Was he, like, mentally disabled? Was he even registered as a student, or was he just some crazy homeless guy who showed up one day?

King Hadas Apr 18th, 2011 01:38 PM

I would like to hear more editorial stories from Grislygus.

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 01:40 PM

If he WAS, then he wouldn't be as memorable. He was just this gigantic fuckwad, armed with the inability to write and an ego the size of a small planet.

He loved to barge into the publishing lab outside of school hours and complain bitterly about how his perceived "rival" got a regular column while none of his editorials ever got printed. The first four or five times, I dodged the subject and inferred that the column was established in the paper and people looked forward to seeing it (lie); further, we didn't have the god damn room for multiple page, single spaced editorials. Eventually I began politely telling him that he was terrible.

None of my comments ever really had any effect, since he had an almost mystical ability to go through every conversation he engaged in without hearing ANYTHING that anyone else said. That sounds like an exaggeration, but talking to him was literally like listening to someone else's internal monologue. It was actually really fucking bizarre.

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 01:42 PM

More stories. Well, there were the two eighteen year old girls forced onto us because they were photography majors. The only good pictures they ever took were at a concert. Later, we found out that they had actually given the several thousand dollars journalism camera to random people in the crowd while they were partying. Who, it needs to be repeated, took WAY better pictures than they ever did. Of course, they were never capable of making a deadline and we cut them out completely after three issues and pissed off the school.

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 01:44 PM

Then there was the insistent man who demanded to see me after my redneck-trailer-park-version-of-The-Raven had been going for a while. He excitedly explained that the poem meant A LOT to him, that I didn't GET IT, and that I needed to understand that Edgar Allen Poe was murdered by the "oligarchy" that secretly controls the world

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 01:45 PM

There were three separate instances when I had to fucking intervene in domestic violence situations while working on the paper.

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 01:47 PM

And I also had to deal with my assistant editor passing out during a deadline, coming to two minutes later. An hour later he revealed that he hadn't slept in three days, hadn't eaten or drank anything, and was being sexually harrassed at the local newspaper he was working on.

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 01:48 PM

The collective moral of these stories is to stay the fuck away from any part of Oregon that is not called Portland.

Fathom Zero Apr 18th, 2011 02:20 PM

photography classes



finish semester with four new lamps and silver poisoning

Guitar Woman Apr 18th, 2011 02:37 PM

How do you stumble into these amazing adventures?

And what school were you at?

Fathom Zero Apr 18th, 2011 02:45 PM

imma go listen to dopethrone and cut myself

Grislygus Apr 18th, 2011 02:54 PM

I was at the prestigious "Soufwestern Or'gon Community College"

Fathom Zero Apr 18th, 2011 03:00 PM

Southwestern Oregon Man, eh.

Shrubfest Apr 18th, 2011 04:49 PM

Just had 4 Hitchcocks appear whilst reading that. And I'd just got used to a single one.

elx Apr 18th, 2011 08:15 PM


WHY MUST EVERYTHING LOOK SO MUCH MORE FUN DURING FINALS SEASON :(

Kitsa Apr 18th, 2011 08:32 PM

I glanced at the thumbnail and thought it was Macho Man Randy Savage.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 18th, 2011 10:35 PM

That would have been awesome.

Sam Apr 18th, 2011 11:37 PM

SNAKE ROBERTS RUINED HIS WEDDING.

Chojin Apr 18th, 2011 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 718031)
I glanced at the thumbnail and thought it was Macho Man Randy Savage.

lol me too

Chojin Apr 18th, 2011 11:57 PM

killing spammers while they still have their status set to 'online' is the best feeling

Pentegarn Apr 19th, 2011 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 718031)
I glanced at the thumbnail and thought it was Macho Man Randy Savage.

Me too

Zhukov Apr 19th, 2011 10:13 AM

So I'm on the bus sitting opposite an old woman - her seat facing the front of the bus, mine facing backwards to the rear. Not having the best day, but it can't really get any worse on my last bus ride home.

As I stare out a window I see the old woman out of the corner of my eye struggling with the bus window; she's not tall enough to reach it properly, or strong enough to open what must be a stuck clasp, and she gives up and sits back down with a sigh.

Being the smug gentleman that I am, I stand up and proceed to open it for her, and, not content with the bare minimum of helpfulness, the adjacent window as well. Just to prove what a charming and helpful young man I am I sit back down with a smile in her direction... while she frowns at me.

I hear tutting from some other people on the bus, and a few shakings of the head to boot, which is just confusing me. What are they directed at? Me?

It's my stop next, and as I collect my bag and start to get off, a man nearby stands and leans over me to shut the windows that I opened, and scowls at me. I get off the bus, puzzled and I hear the old woman say "thank you dear" to the man that closed the windows.

Took me a few steps to realise that I had immediately opened the window that the old woman had taken such effort to close - then smiled mockingly at her as if daring her to defy my will.

Kitsa Apr 19th, 2011 10:15 AM

oops :(

Oh well, the road to shame is paved with good intentions. You did what you thought was the right thing.

Kitsa Apr 19th, 2011 10:16 AM

If it means anything, to this day I remain utterly charmed by a boy in 6th grade who asked if I was cold and went over and shut the classroom window.

Zhukov Apr 19th, 2011 10:20 AM

Strangely enough, that doesn't help much at all.

I'm so ashamed that I can never catch a bus again. Maybe.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 19th, 2011 10:28 AM

"Don't do no favors Blackie."

LordSappington Apr 19th, 2011 02:00 PM

I recently stumbled on the Hathor the Cow Goddess website, and holy shit is it unsettling.

Tadao Apr 19th, 2011 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zhukov (Post 718083)
So I'm on the bus sitting opposite an old woman - her seat facing the front of the bus, mine facing backwards to the rear. Not having the best day, but it can't really get any worse on my last bus ride home.

As I stare out a window I see the old woman out of the corner of my eye struggling with the bus window; she's not tall enough to reach it properly, or strong enough to open what must be a stuck clasp, and she gives up and sits back down with a sigh.

Being the smug gentleman that I am, I stand up and proceed to open it for her, and, not content with the bare minimum of helpfulness, the adjacent window as well. Just to prove what a charming and helpful young man I am I sit back down with a smile in her direction... while she frowns at me.

I hear tutting from some other people on the bus, and a few shakings of the head to boot, which is just confusing me. What are they directed at? Me?

It's my stop next, and as I collect my bag and start to get off, a man nearby stands and leans over me to shut the windows that I opened, and scowls at me. I get off the bus, puzzled and I hear the old woman say "thank you dear" to the man that closed the windows.

Took me a few steps to realise that I had immediately opened the window that the old woman had taken such effort to close - then smiled mockingly at her as if daring her to defy my will.

Reminds me of that Douglas Adams story.

http://samuelcooney.wordpress.com/20...douglas-adams/

Fathom Zero Apr 19th, 2011 02:06 PM


Phoenix Gamma Apr 19th, 2011 07:13 PM

Today at work, my entire mall was evacuated because someone came in with a rifle. Cops from every nearby city came along with at least three SWAT cars, a shitload of helicopters, etc.

Three hours later, turns out the dude just had an umbrella.

The irony: I saw a photo of said umbrella; it's the katana umbrella from ThinkGeek that he slung over his shoulder like a rifle. They mistook an umbrella designed to be mistaken as a sword for a rifle.

Idiots >:

Esuohlim Apr 19th, 2011 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phoenix Gamma (Post 718129)
They mistook an umbrella designed to be mistaken as a sword for a rifle.

:lol

Fuck ThinkGeek anyway and their obnoxious t-shirts about bacon and bacon mints. I'm suprised that the umbrella didn't look like a katana that looked like bacon

Guitar Woman Apr 19th, 2011 07:28 PM

Bacon mints are fucking horrible, they taste like cough syrup

elx Apr 19th, 2011 07:53 PM

funk you both :( they might be a bit overzealous with the bacon edibles and also with the catering to grown-ups-that-will-buy-anything-that-is-shiny-or-lights-up; but they still have awesome stuff. especially the tshirts.

plus that story is epic, if I were that guy I'd write thinkgeek a thank you letter! who else can say that they shut down a mall and outsmarted an entire law enforcement department with a novelty umbrella?

Guitar Woman Apr 19th, 2011 08:01 PM

I remember one time I got bored in summer school and sprayed a fire extinguisher all over the place in an unused computer classroom

About 10 minutes later someone saw all the dust floating out of the door and assumed it was a fire and evacuated the entire school

Nobody knew it was me but I was a bit embarrased :<

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 20th, 2011 01:40 AM

I feel like they should someone should have went and brought a fire to put the extinguisher out with.

Zhukov Apr 20th, 2011 04:40 AM

I have some bacon mints that were given to me by MLE, but I'm too scared to try them.

When I was nine, my best mate Jon and I threw a Calor gas container into a bonfire for a bit of a laugh. My next door neighbour phoned the Fire Brigade who arrived just in time to pull the canister out before it exploded.

She's always been an interfering old bitch, but as for the Fire Brigade - haven't they got anything better to do?

Zhukov Apr 20th, 2011 04:42 AM

OK that last story is stolen.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 20th, 2011 05:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HowardC (Post 718163)
I appreciate the thought, but this is less of a movie review and more of a complete plot survey.

If by chance somebody on this site hasn't seen B&T2 (unlikely) you've totally ruined the movie for them by hitting on every single solitary plot point!

Sorry dog, I should be more considerate to people who were interested in Bill and Teds bogus journey but had not seen it yet. Especially if they had seen the original and were actually interested in seeing the sequel without it being ruined. IF you happen to run into these people that are here you can forward their concerns to me personally so I can inform them promptly of me not giving a shit.

Sincerely,

William J Thompson, esquire

Guitar Woman Apr 20th, 2011 05:34 AM

I love playng with fire as much as the next irresponsible dickhead, but gas can directly into a campfire? Have you got a death wish?

executioneer Apr 20th, 2011 05:36 AM

yeah dude you have to shoot it with a rifle so it explodes into a huge fireball

oh wait that's not safer at all what am i thinking

Phoenix Gamma Apr 20th, 2011 05:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 718136)
plus that story is epic, if I were that guy I'd write thinkgeek a thank you letter! who else can say that they shut down a mall and outsmarted an entire law enforcement department with a novelty umbrella?

I'm sure there will be regulations on that fucking umbrella now. Like how toy guns need orange tips on the barrels so you know they're fake.

I'm pretty pissed about the whole thing because:

A) no one in the mall told me or my manager there was (supposedly) a guy with a gun in the mall until after we looked outside and saw everyone closed. Seriously, what the fuck?

and B) it wasn't a real standoff so I had to go back to work after two hours instead of going home >: They should have opened fire.

Zhukov Apr 20th, 2011 09:58 AM

On a semi related note, I found a katana in the shed the other day. I have no idea where it came from, but it was in an ornamental box.

Hold on I'll take a photo.

Zhukov Apr 20th, 2011 10:17 AM



Look at that bastard. That's not a knife etc etc.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 20th, 2011 10:57 AM

That's fucking destiny zhukov

Fathom Zero Apr 20th, 2011 11:46 AM

Destiny, indeed. Time for another Australian murder spree.

Zhukov Apr 20th, 2011 12:30 PM

Seriously, it was just lying in the shed under some old crap. I heard some whispers on the wind telling me where to look, and hey presto; there it was.

King Hadas Apr 20th, 2011 01:27 PM

Maybe your grandfather was the real last samurai.

Zhukov Apr 20th, 2011 01:49 PM

Animals keep trying to tell me about an ancient secret and a power hidden within me. Fuck that for a laugh, I'm selling this shite on ebay.

Tadao Apr 20th, 2011 02:03 PM

Threaten old ladies at bus stops with it. You'll become famous.

Tadao Apr 20th, 2011 03:21 PM

The first Bill and Ted is on right now. :eek

Ex Leper Apr 20th, 2011 07:10 PM

Just got a new desktop. Now I need to buy photoshop.

Tadao Apr 20th, 2011 07:13 PM

When you say buy photoshop, do you mean steal photoshop?

Ex Leper Apr 20th, 2011 07:32 PM

No, I'm actually going to buy it.

Fathom Zero Apr 20th, 2011 07:42 PM

Why would anyone ever do something so stupid?

Tadao Apr 20th, 2011 07:55 PM

I prefer Photoshop to Gimp, but I use Gimp instead because Photoshop prices are ridiculous. I'm not using it for business though, so I can't write it off.

Esuohlim Apr 20th, 2011 09:44 PM

I PREFER MS PAINT, but this new Windows 7 MS Paint is incredibly awful and I can't even figure how to do half of my tricks >:

Ex Leper Apr 20th, 2011 09:51 PM

90 to 100 dollars isn't bad.

Chojin Apr 20th, 2011 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 718216)
I PREFER MS PAINT, but this new Windows 7 MS Paint is incredibly awful and I can't even figure how to do half of my tricks >:

wtf are you talking about, i actually use win7 paint a lot

Esuohlim Apr 20th, 2011 10:36 PM

It's so different from what I'm used to that I'm having trouble with stupid stuff like making non-transparent circles, or finding attributes, etc. I've only had Windows 7 for a couple months now.

But then again I type sentences by mashing my face in the keyboard so I'm not very good with computers in the first place

Chojin Apr 21st, 2011 01:08 AM

win7 paint can resize by pixels/% and also crop, which is all it really needed to do

but it also has varying brush widths and shit and i think also uses pressure-sensitivity on a tablet

it's way better son. i use it for quick image resizes now instead of photoshop since paint loads up a ton quicker and doesn't leak memory.

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 21st, 2011 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 718193)
The first Bill and Ted is on right now. :eek

I hope they don't join i-mockery now because the second one will be ruined for them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 718216)
I PREFER MS PAINT, but this new Windows 7 MS Paint is incredibly awful and I can't even figure how to do half of my tricks >:

I read that as MS. Paint like :pac

Kitsa Apr 21st, 2011 12:34 PM

Ms. Paint would be fucking awesome.

Bill and Ted are time-travelers so likely they've already ruined it for themselves.

Guitar Woman Apr 21st, 2011 12:54 PM

What the fuck ever happened to microsoft photo editor? That shit was quality

Fathom Zero Apr 21st, 2011 01:00 PM

I miss the Microsoft Image Viewer that let you see animated gifs. :(

Kitsa Apr 21st, 2011 01:37 PM

I miss that supereasy gif animator.


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