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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 02:10 AM

why would you ever BUY anything like that? check out bodybuilding.com.

also, do you have any idea what your fitness goals are? it's important to identify what you're wanting to achieve.

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 02:17 AM

I don't really have like a target weight or anything, but basically I want to look less like this


And more like this



Essentially I want to drop as much flab as possible and get my muscles toned ever so slightly so that I'm a twig with washboard abs.

And I want to destroy the flab on my chin so I can actually try growing a beard without looking like a sperm whale. What is it with fat people who grow beards to define their chins, anyway? You faggots do realize that just makes it look worse, right?

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 02:23 AM

Ewww why

Otto Jul 8th, 2011 02:29 AM

That nipple looks like it's trying to escape.

Fathom Zero Jul 8th, 2011 02:29 AM

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahaahahahah ahahhhahhahahahhahahahhaahahahhahhahahahhahahhahah aahhahhahahhahhahhhhhhahahahahhahhahhaahhahahhahah hahahahahaahhahahhaaahahhahhahhahhahahahaahhahahhh ahhahahahhahhhhhhahhahahhahhahhhahaha

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 02:30 AM

Because I'll be delicious is why

Really, though, I have no idea. I don't give a shit about women and if I have it my way, nobody will see me naked for the rest of my life. I guess I'm just tired of looking at my flabby ass, and after seeing Chojin go from a 900 pound walrus to having a better body than most professional wrestlers I figured it couldn't be too hard to get my shit in order.

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 02:31 AM

Also, shut up, Fathom

Esuohlim Jul 8th, 2011 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guitar Woman (Post 730700)
I don't really have like a target weight or anything, but basically I want to look less like this...

man come on

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 02:34 AM

For the record, that first picture isn't me, it's from /fit/'s grid of fatasses vs. meatheads. I think I'm slightly slimmer than that guy; 5'10 and 149 pounds or so.

I would never in a million years take my shirt off in front of you people.

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 02:36 AM

Oh? What was that picture you had before?

Fathom Zero Jul 8th, 2011 02:37 AM

6'1'' ~131

If anyone wants some ribs, I can spare some. :unfit

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 02:37 AM

Also, Tyler Durden mode works for very few people

Tadao Jul 8th, 2011 02:39 AM

Try heroin

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 02:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItalianStereotype (Post 730712)
Oh? What was that picture you had before?



I changed my mind, since he's slightly thinner than what I was trying to get across.

Quote:

Try heroin
I take opiates daily, son. I dropped about 20 pounds because of them last year, and people noticed, but I still hate my doughy chin and midsection.

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 02:44 AM

how much do you weigh?

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 02:47 AM

Quote:

5'10 and 149 pounds or so.
I've been fluctuating between 149 and 155 lately, I guess because of fluid and stuff, but that's about where I am.

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 02:53 AM

bluh bluh you need 20 pounds of muscle

why don't you start with SS, build a base with which you can work, and move on from there.

or don't, if you don't like SS. choose a routine that focuses on compound exercises and stay away from gimmicks. also, change your diet. I don't know what you eat, but I'll bet it's shit. clean it up and maintain a calorie surplus. if you don't eat, you don't build.

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 02:54 AM

I'm sure Eric yells at you guys for being fat all the time though. I won't do that. I'm like the cool substitute teacher who doesn't care whether or not you lose weight.

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 03:04 AM

I think my diet is about the only thing I'm doing right. It's mostly fruit, vegetables, oats/granola, and nuts. Red meat and cheese are on my "absolutely do not touch ever" list because of opi constipation, and I eat other animal shit very sparingly.

Also, I did look at Starting Strength, and I know what about 1/6th of this means.
Quote:

Workout A
3x5 Squat
3x5 Bench Press
1x5 Deadlift

Workout B
3x5 Squat
3x5 Press
5x3 Power cleans

Fathom Zero Jul 8th, 2011 03:05 AM

God, all of you piss me off. I'm gonna leave for a couple days and hope the stupid blows over.

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 03:08 AM

Just wait until I'm strong, I'll kick your ass.

Esuohlim Jul 8th, 2011 03:15 AM

HEY GW I TOO AM 5'10" AND 150 LBS

ACCORDING TO THE BODY MASS INDEX CALCULATOR WE ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL THE WAY WE ARE

THANK YOU CHOJIN FOR ENDORSING BMI AS A FLAWLESS HEALTHY WEIGHT DETERMINING METHOD

Esuohlim Jul 8th, 2011 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guitar Woman (Post 730717)

Pictures like these make me want to drop a bomb on everything

LordSappington Jul 8th, 2011 03:32 AM

Hipsters?
I was out on the Drag (Guadalupe street; a lot of hipsters, college students, and hobos frequent there; it's got a lot of indie stores and restaurants. Fun times can be had) with my friend and girlfriend; we were heading to a piercing/tattoo place to look at stuff. I had my arm around my girlfriend, and some college girls, not very great looking, yelled out the window "HEE HEE HEE IS THIS AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP OR CAN I GET IN ON THIS?", to which I yelled back something like "OHOHOH you're soooo funny! Go back to your Communications major, bitches". Not too great a story. However, when we were upstairs in the piercing section looking at jewelry, we heard giggling coming up the stairs, and lo and behold there they were. I immediately bellowed out "COME BACK FOR A SECOND ROUND, HUH, SALLY?", and they all went straight back out the door.
I fucking hate college bimbos.

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 730724)
God, all of you piss me off. I'm gonna leave for a couple days and hope the stupid blows over.


Sam Jul 8th, 2011 04:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 730724)
God, all of you piss me off. I'm gonna leave for a couple days and hope the stupid blows over.

IT DOESN'T WORK.

Grislygus Jul 8th, 2011 04:08 AM

I fully endorse college bimbos

Chojin Jul 8th, 2011 06:16 AM

gw: no one gets strong or hueg by accident. oao got stupid quads because he ate a lot and did a ton of squats. btw starting strength will have you squatting every day, so it's probably a bad idea if you want to avoid big legs. it should be said that oao's problem is not that his quads were huge, but the rest of him was hilariously underdeveloped.

fit's sticky is very good. there is no such thing as 'muscle tone' or 'being toned'; the two variables you can control are muscle mass and fat mass. if you want visible abs, you will need a pretty low bodyfat% and lots of abdominal muscle. since your abs are a big part of your core, you might as well hit them with core-strengthening exercises. then again maybe not if you're allergic to barbells.

a very, very big part of following starting strength or any freeweight program is learning form. people in gyms also generally have no idea wtf, and this includes personal trainers, so getting form tips from gym rats is usually a bad idea. the starting strength package includes a DVD with excellent form videos, but you can also just torrent the entire thing from the pirate bay.

i guess the real question is what you're willing to do to get the results you want.

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 06:22 AM

I'm not going to be one to criticize his desired results, but he wants Tyler Durden in Auschwitz mode. maybe squatting three times a week isn't the best idea, but that boy needs a little muscle.

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 06:32 AM

MUSCLE IS FOR FAGS

Quote:

i guess the real question is what you're willing to do to get the results you want.
Lift weights and stop eating candy

Quote:

since your abs are a big part of your core, you might as well hit them with core-strengthening exercises.

the starting strength package includes a DVD with excellent form videos, but you can also just torrent the entire thing from the pirate bay.
kay

Chojin Jul 8th, 2011 07:00 AM

I MADE A THREAD TO ANSWER QUESTIONS IN

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 07:04 AM

now this thread is gonna GO PLACES

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 8th, 2011 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordSappington (Post 730731)
Hipsters?
I was out on the Drag (Guadalupe street; a lot of hipsters, college students, and hobos frequent there; it's got a lot of indie stores and restaurants. Fun times can be had) with my friend and girlfriend; we were heading to a piercing/tattoo place to look at stuff. I had my arm around my girlfriend, and some college girls, not very great looking, yelled out the window "HEE HEE HEE IS THIS AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP OR CAN I GET IN ON THIS?", to which I yelled back something like "OHOHOH you're soooo funny! Go back to your Communications major, bitches". Not too great a story. However, when we were upstairs in the piercing section looking at jewelry, we heard giggling coming up the stairs, and lo and behold there they were. I immediately bellowed out "COME BACK FOR A SECOND ROUND, HUH, SALLY?", and they all went straight back out the door.
I fucking hate college bimbos.

They are a drain of society.

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 10:23 AM

so there was a knock at the door that woke me up and for a moment i debated answering the door without my pants on. i decided to put on pants, so i had to find my pants. it was somebody from the sheriff's office. i guess pants were a good idea.

Dimnos Jul 8th, 2011 11:14 AM

I recommend talking to the cops in just your boxers when possible. It puts them at ease as it shows you have nothing to hide. A very cooperative form of attire really.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 8th, 2011 11:18 AM

sheriff can't delegate who wears pants.

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 11:35 AM

nah this guy was totally in a happy mood.

also the boxers i'm currently wearing are some i should have thrown out months ago. they allow air-flow to the whole region.

Tadao Jul 8th, 2011 11:47 AM

Just as long as you don't slowly get a boner while talking to him.

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 12:04 PM

"oh no please don't think it has anything to do with you this just happens when i'm nervous and i get nervous when i talk to anybody. so, um, i know it's morning but would you like a drink?"

Kitsa Jul 8th, 2011 12:20 PM

vote on best civil war facial hair:

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/histor...ial-Hair.html#

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 12:58 PM

i like alpheus williams and his three points

LordSappington Jul 8th, 2011 01:28 PM

For a while, cops kept showing up at my house insisting we called them. No idea how that worked out.

kahljorn Jul 8th, 2011 01:38 PM


kahljorn Jul 8th, 2011 01:47 PM

i was gonna say good luck looking like that one guy since your nipples are fat, gw, but i guess thats not even a picture of yyou

kahljorn Jul 8th, 2011 01:49 PM


kahljorn Jul 8th, 2011 01:49 PM

just look at all of those healthy vegetables

kahljorn Jul 8th, 2011 01:53 PM

fuck now i want a pizza so bad

darkvare Jul 8th, 2011 01:54 PM

your triple posting is giving this thread extra fat >:
edit: quadra posting

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 8th, 2011 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 730795)
vote on best civil war facial hair:

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/histor...ial-Hair.html#

I voted for john Haskell King but Thomas O Selfridge, jr looks like Christopher Elliots great great grandfather.

kahljorn Jul 8th, 2011 02:40 PM

people who understand FLAVOR and QUALITY refer to it as trimmings

Colonel Flagg Jul 8th, 2011 02:50 PM

I know this is an obvious answer - General Ambrose Burnside

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LordSappington (Post 730802)
For a while, cops kept showing up at my house insisting we called them. No idea how that worked out.

haha, nice.

we've been getting automated phone calls from a collection agency looking for somebody that doesn't live here. one of these days i'll call them and let them know they have the wrong number, but i just imagine some asshole telling me i'm just trying to cover for the guy and then i'll kill everyone.

Dimnos Jul 8th, 2011 04:17 PM

Why arent you just on the meth workout plan?

Dimnos Jul 8th, 2011 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colonel Flagg (Post 730817)
I know this is an obvious answer - General Ambrose Burnside


You stole my vote! >:

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 04:20 PM

>implying I want to get shanked in the hood while buying meth

b_squared Jul 8th, 2011 04:47 PM

Was it fasionable for Burnside not to button his coat for the portait?

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 04:51 PM

he was proud to be buxom

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 05:09 PM

Punk lolita dress
Whenpunk meets lolita
Make the unique style
Shop now

fuck this is why i don't use adblock. because ads are fucking stupid.

Kitsa Jul 8th, 2011 05:49 PM

I voted for burnside, too.

Otto Jul 8th, 2011 06:17 PM

Today my doctor tried to give me a prescription for Ambien. I was too scared to take it and told him I'd just buy a couple of bottles of melotonin. I am the worst addict ever.

Guitar Woman Jul 8th, 2011 06:24 PM

Just think, you could have been cruising like this awesome motherfucker:

Otto Jul 8th, 2011 06:36 PM

That dude looks like every other guy that I went to boarding school with.

Plus I'm pretty much like that under the influence of any substance that I already take, I just have the decency not to put my episodes on youtube after I film them. I'd rather not have some bizarre niche fetishist shooting his load over me stumbling around my house or putting on a puppet show with magnum condoms in the place of sock puppets.

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 06:43 PM

my mom couldn't sleep without ambien until she got cancer again and was always tired
my dad can't sleep without whatever sleeping pills he takes these days. and he can't function in the day without whatever anti-depressant/anti-anxiety stuff he's taking in the daytime.

i can't imagine having to have every aspect of your daily life regulated by pills. i just deal with crippling depression and my increasing attention deficit. fuck. killme.

Otto Jul 8th, 2011 07:07 PM

I was forced into taking psychiatric medication by my parents when I was about 11-12 years old. They were crappy parents and didn't want to pay for actual therapy, so they took me to the office of some thick-accented Greek child specialist named (I can't remember the actual spelling) Titsa Flesch, who diagnosed me with severe depression and ADD. I was given an assortment of drugs and the rest is history.

I tried to just outright quit taking my pills a couple of months ago, forgetting that I had to go to work that day, and had to clock out early because I was extremely depressed, angry at everyone, and couldn't stop shaking.

Aaarg Jul 8th, 2011 07:13 PM

niiiiice.

yeah, after years of my mom trying to get me to get on paxil (like the rest of the family) or at least talk to somebody, i went to see a therapist. the first thing i told the woman is that the only reason i'd ever been reluctant about doing so is because i didn't want to take pills or be told to take pills. at the end of that sessions she suggested a psychiatrist so i could try some medication. asshole.

i remember a few years ago when my dad ran out of paxil and didn't take it for one day. he ended up driving through a construction zone to get out of traffic for a moment. he said he nearly hit so much stuff in the process, "and when i got back on the road i was behind the same fucking bitch! i couldn't believe it."

but my girlfriend takes adderall and judging by her and how it affects her, i may have to start taking that when i go back to school because goddamn. it helps her.

kahljorn Jul 8th, 2011 07:25 PM

get ativan that shits awesome

ItalianStereotype Jul 8th, 2011 09:38 PM

Willie, you would make an adorable Tavros.

Kitsa Jul 9th, 2011 12:44 AM


Aaarg Jul 9th, 2011 12:48 AM

hahaha

executioneer Jul 9th, 2011 05:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItalianStereotype (Post 730903)
Willie, you would make an adorable Tavros.

someone needs to chop my legs off first

ThrashO Jul 9th, 2011 05:45 AM

This would be more interesting if it were a FATNESS THREAD.

Chojin Jul 9th, 2011 06:06 AM

we already have one of those here: http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16315

ItalianStereotype Jul 9th, 2011 06:15 AM

also the chubs were apparently mad about every other thread not being a fat thread, so here we are.

Colonel Flagg Jul 9th, 2011 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by b_squared (Post 730841)
Was it fasionable for Burnside not to button his coat for the portait?

That was where he kept his stash. :themoreyouknow

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 9th, 2011 12:09 PM

I'm going to L.A. in two weeks just in time for Carmageddon apparently.

Ex Leper Jul 9th, 2011 12:11 PM

Found this for a nickel.

Aaarg Jul 9th, 2011 03:15 PM

you look pretty annoyed about it

"yeah. somebody fuckin' did this."

Phoenix Gamma Jul 9th, 2011 08:34 PM

Have you guys ever taken a shit so big that your pants were a little loose afterwards, and then you felt a little lighter? I took two of those today(!) and I feel like I'm ready to take on the fucking world. :rock

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ex Leper (Post 730962)
Found this for a nickel.

Is that one of those Devo 2.0 things? I know they tried to "reboot" Devo but with kids, which is always an awful idea. Goddamn kids ruining everything.

Esuohlim Jul 9th, 2011 09:37 PM

This fucking world full of kids

liquidstatik Jul 9th, 2011 09:42 PM

i should default to 5 pickles wth

Pram Maven Jul 9th, 2011 10:03 PM

YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF MINE

Fathom Zero Jul 9th, 2011 10:36 PM

I am a man

of no small renown

Esuohlim Jul 9th, 2011 10:45 PM

NO ONE HAS GIVEN ME PICKLES IN FIVE DAYS

YOU IGNORANT FUCKS

Sam Jul 9th, 2011 10:46 PM

YOU IGNORANT FUCKS.

Fathom Zero Jul 9th, 2011 10:49 PM

WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE

Esuohlim Jul 9th, 2011 10:55 PM

YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONE???

YOU IGNORANT FUCKS

Sam Jul 9th, 2011 10:56 PM

CLASSIC MILHORSE BACKWARDS.

Guitar Woman Jul 9th, 2011 10:57 PM

Holy shit, why do animated gif editors universally suck elephant cock?

Fathom Zero Jul 9th, 2011 11:03 PM


Fathom Zero Jul 9th, 2011 11:04 PM


Colonel Flagg Jul 9th, 2011 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by liquidstatik (Post 730999)
i should default to 5 pickles wth

'sup Danny?

Guitar Woman Jul 9th, 2011 11:09 PM

Hey fuck you man

Fathom Zero Jul 9th, 2011 11:10 PM

I AM TEASE

captain516 Jul 10th, 2011 02:33 AM

Openbook is pretty enjoyable, guys

Grislygus Jul 10th, 2011 02:40 AM

why in the goddamn shit would I click that. just visited openbook.

captain516 Jul 10th, 2011 02:49 AM

It's like a google search where every result brings up stupid people

Grislygus Jul 10th, 2011 02:50 AM

wait, really


I may have to modify my opinion

captain516 Jul 10th, 2011 02:51 AM

oh my
Quote:

Idk I might sound stupid for saying this buttt... If drugs are illegal then how do music artist get by with talking bout how they smoke weed an what not in there music? Or taking pics of them smoking somthing? Idk the whole thing confuses me?!?!

Grislygus Jul 10th, 2011 02:52 AM

Hm. I believe the english translation for that is
Quote:

DUR-HUR-HUR-HUR

Fathom Zero Jul 10th, 2011 02:54 AM

Quote:

Sex is like bungee jumping its all fun and good until the rubber breaks
Motherfuckin' Confucius up in this bitch.


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