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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Esuohlim Oct 27th, 2011 03:30 PM

Is it sad that the two biggest turn-ons for me are:

1. Atheism
2. Casual use of the word "cunt"

:(

Fathom Zero Oct 27th, 2011 03:43 PM

Turn-ons or pre-requisites?

Esuohlim Oct 27th, 2011 03:47 PM

I AM SEXUALLY EXCITED BY ATHEISM

Fathom Zero Oct 27th, 2011 04:03 PM

Sexual dysfunction.

Esuohlim Oct 27th, 2011 04:19 PM

:tear

Fathom Zero Oct 27th, 2011 04:23 PM

you're impotent

executioneer Oct 27th, 2011 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 748068)
I hate zucchini

You are the worst friend of all time

i agree that zucchini is basically the worst but zucchini bread is pretty great

usually better than banana bread at LEAST

Esuohlim Oct 27th, 2011 04:29 PM

I don't have very much experience with zucchini bread as I am a child who refuses to try new things, but banana bread is ok as long as there's no nuts in it :x

Kitsa Oct 27th, 2011 04:29 PM

I've heard of zucchini jelly but I've never had it. What happens if you eat zucchini jelly on zucchini bread?

Zucchini that people let grow in their gardens until they get to the size of baseball bats, with big thick rinds, suck. You have to get them while they're still green for them to be any good.

Sam Oct 27th, 2011 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 748072)
Is it sad that the two biggest turn-ons for me are:

1. Atheism
2. Casual use of the word "cunt"

:(

I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD, CUNT.

Sam Oct 27th, 2011 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 748072)
Is it sad that the two biggest turn-ons for me are:

1. Atheism
2. Casual use of the word "cunt"

:(

I DON'T BELIEVE IN CUNTS, GOD.

Sam Oct 27th, 2011 04:39 PM

I DON'T CUNT GOD.

executioneer Oct 27th, 2011 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 748083)
I don't have very much experience with zucchini bread as I am a child who refuses to try new things, but banana bread is ok as long as there's no nuts in it :x

well zucchini imparts none of its texture and very little of its flavour to the bread (or at least to the stuff i've had) and sometimes it's even got a tasty brown sugar crust on it

executioneer Oct 27th, 2011 04:41 PM

KEEP YOUR GOD OUT OF MY C*NT

Rongi Oct 27th, 2011 05:47 PM

opera singer girl is into jesus, i think. she never talks about it though so it's aight

Rongi Oct 27th, 2011 05:49 PM

my view is basically that jesus isn't really that cool and people should probably stop fawning all over him, it's gross

oh wow he made a bunch of fish or w/e. cool story, brah

Grislygus Oct 27th, 2011 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rongi (Post 748099)
opera singer girl is into jesus, i think. she never talks about it though so it's aight

RUN GODDAMNIT

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I TAPPED SHIT LIKE THAT

ThrashO Oct 27th, 2011 09:46 PM

Zucchini bread is awesome, it's just like banana nut bread without nuts.

also fuck occupy wall st. what are these hippies talking about 99%? I live in a house that isn't slabs of mud with leafs on top, im pretty happy.

k0k0 Oct 27th, 2011 09:52 PM

Hippies ain't nothin but a poop butt.

Sam Oct 27th, 2011 11:25 PM

CUNT

Zhukov Oct 28th, 2011 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 748072)
Is it sad that the two biggest turn-ons for me are:

1. Atheism
2. Casual use of the word "cunt"

:(

Come to Australia. Nobody cares about current events here, either.

k0k0 Oct 28th, 2011 12:35 AM

Yeah, but nobody cares about deodorant over there too. And it's hot as fuck.

Sam Oct 28th, 2011 01:02 AM

YEAH, AND YOU'RE ALL CUNTS.

ThrashO Oct 28th, 2011 02:54 AM

can i be cunt

executioneer Oct 28th, 2011 03:02 AM

C.U.N.T. condemn useless new testament

ThrashO Oct 28th, 2011 03:14 AM

Cut Up Ninja Tufts.

Fathom Zero Oct 28th, 2011 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 748072)
Is it sad that the two biggest turn-ons for me are:

1. Atheism
2. Casual use of the word "cunt"

:(


executioneer Oct 28th, 2011 04:29 AM

alcoholic caramel apples are go, repeat alcoholic caramel apples are go

(there's alcohol in the apples AND in the caramel)

kahljorn Oct 28th, 2011 04:34 AM

but does it have thujone in it

executioneer Oct 28th, 2011 04:51 AM

no just cyanide and alcohol

ThrashO Oct 28th, 2011 05:05 AM

you bitches are boring.

where is pram.

executioneer Oct 28th, 2011 05:46 AM

it's not my job to stalk him

have you tried zug

Aaarg Oct 28th, 2011 09:19 AM

did you check the mortuary playground?

Emu Oct 28th, 2011 09:53 AM

Guys third shift blows.

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 28th, 2011 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emu (Post 748177)
Guys third shift blows.

BUT SHIFTING INTO THIRD RULES

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 28th, 2011 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grislygus (Post 748022)
why the fuck do you tools not have your dumb bitch exes blocked; you pretend that you're casual about the possibility of crawling back to them for sex while you ask for advice about it on the internet


learn from khaljorn, he only kept his ex unblocked just long enough to send her a gigantic, rambling email specifying exactly why the dumb bitch was a dumb bitch

:lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 748021)
sexless marriage.?

Is there any other kind?

Esuohlim Oct 28th, 2011 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThrashO (Post 748166)
you bitches are boring.

where is pram.

(╯□)╯︵ ʇunɔ

Esuohlim Oct 28th, 2011 09:30 PM

Forum be buggin', yo

Sam Oct 28th, 2011 10:44 PM

MILHOUSE IS MY USE OF CUNT CASUAL ENOUGH FOR YOU?

k0k0 Oct 28th, 2011 10:58 PM

Why is the board being all fucky and putting me on random pages. I clicked last page.

Ok, posting took me to it. Good. Now I got nothing to say. You fucking haunted messageboard.

kahljorn Oct 28th, 2011 11:37 PM

thats ok it deleted some of my posts ;9

Esuohlim Oct 28th, 2011 11:39 PM

Haha yeah the BOARD did that, right, heh heh

Code:

KILLJORN YOU ARE BEING CENSORED BY THE MAN. MEET ME UNDER THE BRIDGE IN THREE HOURS
What a fine day it is today

Esuohlim Oct 28th, 2011 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam (Post 748214)
MILHOUSE IS MY USE OF CUNT CASUAL ENOUGH FOR YOU?

YOU CAN MEET ME UNDER THE BRIDGE TOO FOR SEXY REASONS. ;) ;)

kahljorn Oct 28th, 2011 11:43 PM

I thought about reposting it but then realized i could get banned for that

kahljorn Oct 28th, 2011 11:44 PM

I GOT INVITED TO A HOLOOWEEEN PARTy AND I KIND OF WANTED TO GO BUT NOW I REALIZE I DONT REALLY FEEL LIKE TALKINg TO PEOPLE. PLUS ILL PROBABLY ONLY KNOW LIKE A FEW PEOPLE THERE :(

I Guess i cAN ALWAYs go AND NOT TALK to ANYBODY

Kitsa Oct 29th, 2011 12:44 AM

that's what I usually do

you can be roughly as popular as me, that's pretty fucking sad

i advise you drink a lot.

ThrashO Oct 29th, 2011 01:36 AM

THERE ARE TWO HALLOWEEN PARTIES IM INVITED TOO BUT IM TOO DEPRESSED ABOUT MY EX TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT EITHER ONE AND WOULD RATHER STAY HOME AND WORK caps was on too lazy to go back and fix it FUCK IT I LIKE IT.

executioneer Oct 29th, 2011 03:22 AM

I DRANK A LOT IT WAS AWE$OME

THAT DOLLAR SIGN WAS AN ACCIDENT BUT I LEFT IT THERE B/C $$$$$ = COOL

ALSO SINGING ROCKBAND WHEN DRESSED AS NATHAN EXPLOSION IS AWKWARD BECAUSE I WANT TO WIN BUT I ALSO WANT TO STAY AUTHENTIC TO MY COSTUME :( :( :(

ThrashO Oct 29th, 2011 03:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 748241)
I DRANK A LOT IT WAS AWE$OME

THAT DOLLAR SIGN WAS AN ACCIDENT BUT I LEFT IT THERE B/C $$$$$ = COOL

ALSO SINGING ROCKBAND WHEN DRESSED AS NATHAN EXPLOSION IS AWKWARD BECAUSE I WANT TO WIN BUT I ALSO WANT TO STAY AUTHENTIC TO MY COSTUME :( :( :(

dont be a dildo

kahljorn Oct 29th, 2011 08:25 AM

ALL THESE DRUNK GIRLS AND I DIDNT FUCK ANY OF THEM :(

BUT WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH GIRLS NOW A DAYS AND TOUCHING LIKE EVERY GUY IN SIGHT. I CANT EVEN TELL IF PEOPLE ARE DATING AND NOT ANYMORE

ThrashO Oct 29th, 2011 10:18 AM

thats called a all women are whores.

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 29th, 2011 12:16 PM

I played too much battlefield 3 and drank too much rum. then my eye exploded.

Kitsa Oct 29th, 2011 04:01 PM

I went to a halloween party but it ended up being sort of awkward. Apparently the guy who hosted it invited all of his "usual" friends (that would include me), the people he could count on to show up to parties and contribute and so on, and we showed up. But it turned out he REALLY wanted some other people he'd invited to come, and he got increasingly pissed as the evening wore on and they didn't show. An hour and a half after the party was scheduled to end, we were sitting around and they did show up, no costumes, no contribution to food or drink or anything, and just sort of went on a tour of his house and then announced they were going to a sports bar and left.

To make things worse, they were just sort of casually insulting anything and everything...the other guests, the house, the stuff we'd brought, our costumes. So they were really kind of dicks and I don't know why anyone would seek their approval, but it was kind of made clear that we had been drastically demoted in importance so we got our stuff and left. And the guy hasn't spoken to me since :(

kahljorn Oct 29th, 2011 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThrashO (Post 748256)
thats called a all women are whores.

I THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE MORE SUBTLE ABOUT IT

ThrashO Oct 30th, 2011 12:02 AM

one beer and "OH MAN IM SO WASTED *DICK STROKE*"

its the best excuse for a chick to let her real colors show.

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 30th, 2011 02:20 AM

Her dick grope colors

kahljorn Oct 30th, 2011 02:50 AM

BITCHES SHOULD JUST BUY MOOD RINGS

kahljorn Oct 30th, 2011 02:50 AM

CEPT IT WILL PERMANANTLY BE IN WHATEVER MOOD IS WHORE

Rongi Oct 30th, 2011 03:23 AM

i snorted adderall tonight

i am never going to sleep again

wooooooooooooooooo

kahljorn Oct 30th, 2011 03:33 AM

DRUGS :rolleyes

JK DRUGS ARE GOOD

kahljorn Oct 30th, 2011 07:48 AM

ZOMBOID ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY LENOR THREAD

Rongi Oct 30th, 2011 01:48 PM

We tried to find coke but we couldnt. I suppose we could have gone to some shittier part of the city to get some but they'd probably only have crack and i really dont have any interest in smoking crack

Hey upstate ny you suck at having drugs that arent for destitutes and pot heads

Guitar Woman Oct 30th, 2011 04:48 PM

You'd probably have just gotten a bag of caffeine cut with dental anesthetic, anyway.

Fathom Zero Oct 30th, 2011 07:31 PM

time to dunk on some bitches

Kitsa Oct 30th, 2011 07:46 PM

I read the other day that all of the club kids who used to take a lot of ketamine are getting spontaneously incontinent. I guess the issue was, ketamine being an animal anesthetic, long-term abuse seems to kill that part of the brain stem where such things are regulated. On scans they're virtually identical to advanced alzheimer's patients who are incontinent. I've watched Party Monster and am a little ashamed to say I enjoy the thought.

kahljorn Oct 31st, 2011 07:03 AM

so i told my self i would study all weekend for a test i have tomorrow

i just started studying tonight!

gdamnit what the hell is wrong with me.

I guess it doesnt help that Tuesday is my first anniversary with my EX :O

Aaarg Oct 31st, 2011 10:00 AM

oh god, party monster.

i hate everybody.

Kitsa Oct 31st, 2011 10:11 AM

I was never quite sure what to think of Macaulay Culkin, but that movie did it for me. Seth Green is ok but I've seen videos of Michael Alig and I'm not really sure what exactly Macaulay Culkin was doing with his voice. It was supremely irritating. :moviethread

I'm waiting for the rain to stop so I can remove dogshit from my yard, lest little trick-or-treaters step in it shortcutting to the door.

We are giving out full size snickers tonight, and I got some kitkats just in case, but we never seem to get more than 3 or 4 kids and I usually end up dumping it all in the teenage neighbor's pillowcase at the end of the night :(

Otto Oct 31st, 2011 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rongi (Post 748371)
We tried to find coke but we couldnt. I suppose we could have gone to some shittier part of the city to get some but they'd probably only have crack and i really dont have any interest in smoking crack

Hey upstate ny you suck at having drugs that arent for destitutes and pot heads

I can't even find weed in my town anymore :(

The shitty neighborhood my dealer lives in now has a huge police presence, the cops have arrested most of the suppliers, and now the only thing I can seem to find is meth. I fucking hate this town.

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 31st, 2011 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 748417)
so i told my self i would study all weekend for a test i have tomorrow

i just started studying tonight!

gdamnit what the hell is wrong with me.

I guess it doesnt help that Tuesday is my first anniversary with my EX :O

WE NEED TO CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY OF YOUR EMANCIPATION.

Fathom Zero Oct 31st, 2011 12:49 PM

a celebratory emancipation inebriation

kahljorn Oct 31st, 2011 12:51 PM

:lol

I'm gonna try to get drunk

METH IS PRETTY FUN IMO BUT WE ALWAYS GOT REALLY GOOD METH

I think the thing i hate most about parties is i never get to finish my stories :( I was trying to tell a story about this time my friends and i did a bunch of ketamene and xanax and then afterwards we went to the store to steal booze. Got busted at the first store. We went to the second store, stole some liquor and my friend opened a can of pringles and was walking around the store eating it, when we walked out they busted us for the pringles. Then they saw that my friend had booze and they were all, "WAIT A SECOND... CALL THE PO-LICE"
then we went back to the future

:lol
fuckin pringles

executioneer Oct 31st, 2011 12:54 PM

man isnt the anniversary the opposite of emancipation

kahljorn Oct 31st, 2011 12:57 PM

WHAT BETTER DAY TO CELEBRATE EMANCIPATION THAN ON THE DAY OF YOUR ENSLAVEMENT

Aaarg Oct 31st, 2011 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 748440)
I think the thing i hate most about parties is i never get to finish my stories :( I was trying to tell a story about this time my friends and i did a bunch of ketamene

never finish stories because can't control bladder
ok



somebody snuck a rammstein wallpaper onto my desktop as a joke so i spent a lot of time making this to use as revenge:

Kitsa Oct 31st, 2011 01:59 PM

:lol

I had this up on my screen and hadn't really looked at it yet, and I turned to my mom to tell her something. She thought I was showing her something, came over and peered at it, then walked off.

Thanks for that.

Aaarg Oct 31st, 2011 02:11 PM

hahaha, awesome.

kahljorn Oct 31st, 2011 10:40 PM

i think i only got like 95% on my test today :(

and one of the ones i got wrong was a really obvious one i guess :( i feel stupid

it was a trick question but i wasnt prepared for it cause i didnt do the practice test where the trick was originally revealed :(

Kitsa Oct 31st, 2011 11:07 PM

When we went trick-or-treating, there were two wtf houses on the same street. One house had lights on, halloween decorations up, inside door open, and a huge sign on the storm door in 72-point font saying that anyone who dared disturb them would be met with blahblah profanity blahblah violence. It ended with GO AWAY and about 7 or 8 exclamation points.

There was another house, same deal, lights on, halloween decorations up. On the porch was a batman thing and a sign that said PRESS BUTTON FOR CANDY. You pressed the button and Batman went through 4 or 5 catchphrases and lit up, but otherwise nothing happened. Sort of a stupid prank.

k0k0 Oct 31st, 2011 11:25 PM

That's when you steal the batman.

Kitsa Oct 31st, 2011 11:40 PM

I suppose I could've. I could've also spread dogturds in a decorative ring around him, but neither of those things occurred to me when it mattered.

Zhukov Nov 1st, 2011 12:00 AM

So this was the first year that Tasmania is tentatively giving trick or treat a go. Apparently, even children in my city were going about their collection, and houses were expecting them.

Thanks for waiting until I was too old.

nito Nov 1st, 2011 12:09 AM

Thanks, gentle! I like this forum cause we learn fron each other!!.

k0k0 Nov 1st, 2011 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nito (Post 748490)
Thanks, gentle! I like this forum cause we learn fron each other!!.

Nobody calls me gentle you son of a bitch!

RAVER141 Nov 1st, 2011 12:20 AM

I've promised myself that when i retire i'm going to print off the whole of this thread and read it to a tree, close by there will be a second tree, but i won't recite loud enough for the second tree to hear.
The second tree will thanks me for this by providing me sustenance in the form of nuts, the first tree may well shed a large branch onto my head by page 274.

k0k0 Nov 1st, 2011 12:21 AM

How exactly will you describe the picture up there to the tree?

RAVER141 Nov 1st, 2011 01:12 AM

I'll tell it to imagine the most fucked up thing you could ever see in a mirror image.
I'll then trick it, as it wont know what a mirror is, i'll explain, then present a picture of my ex girlfriend before the tree.
I'll probably do this right at the end of page 273, that's when the tree will adorn my bonce with the huge and weighty bough.

(Btw, that's a shit answer as at no point will it see the above pic)

Esuohlim Nov 1st, 2011 03:57 AM

You know, sometimes I long for the good old I-Mock days, but then people like you or Lenor show up again and then I realize that we were better off after all

Sam Nov 1st, 2011 04:10 AM

What the cunt is going on?

Dimnos Nov 1st, 2011 04:20 AM

I would read the last few pages myself but nah. :\

kahljorn Nov 1st, 2011 04:25 AM

CANT DECIDE IF I SHOULD GO GET A BEER OR NOT

I ALREADY HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD BOTTLE OF JAMESON :(

Dimnos Nov 1st, 2011 04:34 AM

So why even consider the beer? :confused

executioneer Nov 1st, 2011 04:38 AM

need something to chase the jameson with i guess

Dimnos Nov 1st, 2011 04:44 AM

More jameson?

kahljorn Nov 1st, 2011 06:01 AM

CAUSE I WAS GONNA GOTO A BAR AND TRY TO TALK TO DRUNK BITCHES

OR SIT BY MYSELF

Zhukov Nov 1st, 2011 07:44 AM

Some of my mates left beers in my fridge, and while I'm actually teetotal, I've drunk two.

They don't taste that good, and I don't feel any sort of amazing buzz.

The Leader Nov 1st, 2011 12:48 PM

You're adorable.

Fathom Zero Nov 1st, 2011 02:02 PM

hang a goon bag from a tree branch

Kitsa Nov 1st, 2011 11:45 PM

Dammit, mexican restaurant, why did you have to make the food poisoning so delicious :(

Esuohlim Nov 2nd, 2011 12:58 AM

You've got to be fucking kidding me with the food poisoning again, Kitsa >:


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