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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 26th, 2011 02:15 AM

:( ima miss you homie.

My friend has that thing too so I don't see him that often.

ThrashO Nov 26th, 2011 02:17 AM

take care dude...

throw lots of feces at the mental hospital employees for me :tear

10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 26th, 2011 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grislygus (Post 750653)
DRUGS? SON, LET OLD GUS TELL YOU BOUT DRUGS. OLD GUS DON'T GET TOASTED ANYMORE CAUSE GUS IS A WINNER

OLD GUS JUST LEGALLY BINGE DRINKS HIS BRAIN CELLS INTO OBLIVION LIKE ALL THE OTHER RESPONSIBLE ADULTS OBEYING OUR FINE GOVERNMENT'S LAWS

AMEN

Kitsa Nov 26th, 2011 07:27 AM

I will have one dick of a chaunakaaka for you. Get better soon :(

Zhukov Nov 26th, 2011 12:41 PM

That's shit Koko, hope to see you better by the new year. :\

k0k0 Nov 26th, 2011 01:58 PM

Yeah, I'm setting it up with a local crazy house now. Should be fun, although they want me to remove all drawstrings and belts from any pants. This should be a problem because all the clothes I wear are 5 sizes too big due to chojin's stupid workout deal. I'm gonna be walking around the halls with my pants falling off if I don't decide to buy new pants before I go.

kahljorn Nov 26th, 2011 02:35 PM

just wear those pajamas that they give to everyone

the light blue ones

k0k0 Nov 26th, 2011 02:41 PM

Nah, people wear whatever they want there. They don't give clothes to wear.

kahljorn Nov 26th, 2011 02:45 PM

WHATS A MENtAL INSTitUTION WIThOUT COMPLIMENtARY PAJAMAS

ThrashO Nov 26th, 2011 03:16 PM

thats why you gotta go there naked.

free pajamas plus they'll know you mean business

Kitsa Nov 26th, 2011 03:23 PM

Free pajamas are cold. Dress warm, optimally in layers.

10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 26th, 2011 03:45 PM

Need some of those forever lazy's

https://www.orderforeverlazy.com/

captain516 Nov 26th, 2011 08:40 PM

well, I'm back for a little bit. sup, guys?

Kitsa Nov 26th, 2011 10:29 PM

Back from viewing a lights display at a little village. Highlight of the trip was a woman puking in the garbage can outside Santa's workshop.

10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 27th, 2011 03:43 PM

Whats up

Babs Nov 28th, 2011 07:08 AM

Hi William and all of I-mockery, what is up?

Is ThrashO ShyandQuietGuy now? What's going on here?

10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 28th, 2011 10:39 AM

A whole lotta nothing. I still want to go see the Rum Diary.

Pentegarn Nov 28th, 2011 10:53 AM

I am saddened to see you are going in the looney bin k0k0, you have been interesting during a period of boring around here

Get better and get back here soon

k0k0 Nov 28th, 2011 05:10 PM

I am still here. I gotta prepare and make sure I get this sinus infection gone for good first. Seeing the ENT again tomorrow. Hopefully no more surgery.

Aaarg Nov 28th, 2011 05:17 PM

best of luck k0k0man

Esuohlim Nov 28th, 2011 11:19 PM

I now wish I signed up for Secret Santa so I could buy someone this


10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 28th, 2011 11:31 PM

Thats not mspainted?

Esuohlim Nov 29th, 2011 12:00 AM

That's what I thought at first too


http://www.amazon.com/Microsoft-Wind...2539136&sr=8-1



Sam Nov 29th, 2011 12:09 AM

I'LL GIVE JENNIFER ANISTON A PROPELLER HEAD.

MADE OUT OF MY PENIS.

Sam Nov 29th, 2011 12:12 AM

I'LL GIVE JENNIFER ANISTON A MESSY DOS BUILD-UP.

k0k0 Nov 29th, 2011 12:50 AM

I'LL GIVE JENNIFER ANISTON A PENIS IN THE SHAPE OF A PENIS.

10,000 Volt Ghost Nov 29th, 2011 02:36 AM

I would make change her name jennifer analston and sodomize her with the bonesaw

Kitsa Nov 29th, 2011 11:01 AM

you and your sodomy

Otto Nov 29th, 2011 04:46 PM

I'd like to strangle Jennifer Aniston with a belt if you know what I mean.

Also, k0k0, they should give you some of those shitty little plastic ties to help you keep your shoes and clothes on. Hopefully they'll have something for you to do, when I was in the nuthouse all there was to do besides three sessions of group therapy and inedible meals was to pace up and down the hall.

k0k0 Nov 29th, 2011 05:20 PM

Last time I was there, I brought like 6 books and read through them all. It wasn't until I finished my last book that I wanted out of there. It was funny to see what everyone else was having to do. There were big black dudes who were suicidal or something coloring with crayons. Lots of crosswords using those little mini golf pencils. They really don't give you much to do. The meals were really great at the one I went to. Although now that I know that I have a wheat allergy, it'll suck to pick out the edible stuff.

Otto Nov 29th, 2011 05:28 PM

The hospital I was in wouldn't let me have any books :(. They couldn't even get their story straight on why not, either. One doctor told me it because I was supposed to spend that time on "self-reflection" (Twelve days of self reflection seems like overkill) and another told me it was because I could sneak a razor blade in a book. I pretty much lied through my teeth to get out of there, I couldn't stand the boredom and smell of piss any longer and this place wasn't even a public hospital!

Also they kept me in a ward with the junkies and suicidal people, and put all of the delusional psychotics in their own little locked hall, I couldn't imagine having to deal with the screamers and seizure people on top of all that.

Guitar Woman Nov 29th, 2011 06:22 PM

My therapist wouldn't let me have anything to read because he was afraid I'd get lost in fantasy and shirk my therapy, which I was already doing anyway via stalking the pretty schizophrenic girl down the hall who had screaming seizures a lot.

Fuck him, though, I managed to smuggle Dune and Inferno out of the ward library. I probably got more lasting mental stimulation out of those books and talking about drugs with my cokehead roommate than I did in 6 months of professional treatment.

Also, the water in that place tasted like plastic. I'm not even sure how it's possible to fuck up water, but they did it.

b_squared Nov 29th, 2011 06:26 PM

k0k0
Hope things work out.

Otto Nov 29th, 2011 06:27 PM

Before I got out, I was conniving with a friend to have all of the pages from my copy of Naked Lunch pasted into a crossword puzzle book (They would let us have puzzle books, but not novels, what the fuck). Also I lied through my teeth about my drug use because they were also a drug treatment facility and I really didn't feel like schlepping through Narcotics Anonymous meetings every night because I admitted to smoking pot and using acid regularly.

Guitar Woman Nov 29th, 2011 06:33 PM

Honestly, though, I think looney bins are the best places to meet really awesome and interesting people. Despite the fact that all mental ward staff members are semi-retarded and completely fucking psychotic, I'd totally get committed again if given the opportunity and if I could leave any time I wanted.

Be sure to make a good first impression with the fuckers, koko. I recommend showing up on psilocybin.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otto (Post 750916)
Before I got out, I was conniving with a friend to have all of the pages from my copy of Naked Lunch pasted into a crossword puzzle book.

Or do this, then share the love with the most unstable patients you can find

executioneer Nov 29th, 2011 07:19 PM

man now i want to get put in a crazy house thanks a lot you guys >:

Esuohlim Nov 29th, 2011 07:52 PM

Being put in the crazy house wouldn't change my current lifestyle too much :(

New thread backups: http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/showt...php?t=69708076

kahljorn Nov 29th, 2011 09:24 PM

Quote:

I'd totally get committed again if given the opportunity and if I could leave any time I wanted.
You can if you commit yourself.

now you can have all the fun you want!

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 12:00 AM

Guy gave his cheating girlfriend a shitty tattoo.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-cheating.html

Zhukov Nov 30th, 2011 01:15 AM

Ahaha. Classic.

I hope he doesn't have to pay for damages - I can forget most of the injustices in the world if only people like that would get what they deserve.

Shyandquietguy Nov 30th, 2011 04:05 AM

I sent ItalianStereotype a PM, but I have to go to bed now.

Dics + bics = itch

What a bitch

ItalianStereotype Nov 30th, 2011 05:16 AM

for me? aw, shucks.

Pentegarn Nov 30th, 2011 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 750937)
Guy gave his cheating girlfriend a shitty tattoo.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-cheating.html


Quote:

Originally Posted by Zhukov (Post 750943)
Ahaha. Classic.

I hope he doesn't have to pay for damages - I can forget most of the injustices in the world if only people like that would get what they deserve.

From what I understand from the source I got this story from (which had the same general details), he made her sign a waiver clearing him of responsibility for 'artistic interpretation'. So a decent lawyer should keep him in the clear. Her story of "he got me drunk" will be difficult to prove, while the signed waiver is physical evidence. Sounds open and shut to me anyway.

Also, I liked the comment "well she shit on him first"

Pentegarn Nov 30th, 2011 08:59 AM

Awww, turns out the tattoo story may in fact be a hoax :(

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/883324-...timate-revenge

Kitsa Nov 30th, 2011 03:40 PM

Dayton has enough tattoo drama. There was a big craigslist battle between a divorcing couple, tattoo artists. They accused each other of all kinds of things- one had hep c, the other one was so drugged-up they couldn't even walk straight, blah blah blah.

It never made any Dayton news that I know of.

Pentegarn Nov 30th, 2011 03:49 PM

I assume all tattoo artists have hep c

Kitsa Nov 30th, 2011 03:51 PM

The one who did my mom's was in a "liberal" town and she was fairly nice.

Mom had to have a bunch of her back removed for cancer stuff and she stuck an atomic symbol on the damage.

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 06:05 PM

All right, you know what? Sobriety is fucking elephant shit, and it has no place in my life. I haven't felt this fucking low since I was forcibly seperated from the first person I fell in love with. So, fuck quitting; I am relapsing as soon as possible, and I am going to continue enjoying my life and being awesome at everything I do, because I'll be on drugs all the fucking time.

Yeah, maybe I'll be a pathetic, servile junkie who only shits every 3 days and whose routine schedule is dominated by chemicals, but I don't give one goddamn fuck, because that shit improves the quality of my life in every way you can possibly imagine. Except for shitting, but I'm going to make an effort to replace my entire diet with almonds so I won't have to pass chunks of cement twice a week.

Relinquishing addiction has made me more apathetic towards life than I've ever been, even when I was a DXM tard. I don't shave, I don't write, I don't hang out with friends, I don't work, I don't do fucking anything. I'm just a miserable, joyless, cold, unproductive sack of shit who's no fun for anyone. Narcotics Anonymous can go suck the tits I wish I had.

Fathom Zero Nov 30th, 2011 06:37 PM

You turned out to be everything I hoped.

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 06:43 PM

Thank you, illegitimate offspring of Tom Petty!

:pagebrak

Fathom Zero Nov 30th, 2011 06:50 PM

Holy shit, was the goal to not even try?

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 06:54 PM

Listen, I had a bottle of high-volume Spanish wine for lunch, you can fucking bite me.

Fathom Zero Nov 30th, 2011 07:11 PM

I'm just saying that there's more there besides my flowing golden locks.

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 07:22 PM

Oh, I know. :orgasm

ItalianStereotype Nov 30th, 2011 07:54 PM

I've wondered off and on over the years how this place attracts so many people with fucked up gender identities

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 07:55 PM

Hey at least I'm a manly fucking dude... who's afraid of his own shadow.

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 08:04 PM

It's not my fault! I just think it'd be more interesting to be a girl, and I'd feel less disgusted by sex if ejaculation were totally removed from the equation.

Also, you could play with your own breasts for free any time you wanted! Apparently, all women enjoy doing this.

No fucking way am I transitioning, though, I've seen too many horrifying trannies to even think about fucking around with hormone therapy. If brain transplants were possible, I'd totally swap with a like-minded girl, but that will probably never happen.

Babs Nov 30th, 2011 08:13 PM

I could help you with that transition after a couple bottles of sutterhome. A real nice classy transition.

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 08:16 PM

There's no way I'd do a girl with a dude brain. Before you fuck em, you always check the lid, make sure they got the factory installed girl brain.

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 08:20 PM

Well, even if I got myself ladybits, I still wouldn't have sex with men. The point for me would be to get away from semen, which ranks alongside zit pus as the most disgusting substance secreted by the human body.

executioneer Nov 30th, 2011 08:26 PM

you just haven't been tasting the right semen

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 08:29 PM

That's what happens when you're sucking cock for the rock.

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 08:30 PM

why do I even talk about my psychological issues here

executioneer Nov 30th, 2011 08:37 PM

deep-seated need for abuse?

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 08:40 PM

Yeah, that's probably it.

ItalianStereotype Nov 30th, 2011 08:47 PM

we're all just as shitty as you anyway, pal

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 08:50 PM

At least none of us are as shitty as Facebook!

This is like the fifth time it's gone down while I'm talking to this pretty girl who likes drinking with me. That website can eat shit for srs.

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 08:51 PM

You gonna scissor with her?

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 09:02 PM

Probably not. I've put off losing my virginity for so long that I'd probably go into conniptions if anyone so much as tried to kiss me. I'm basically terrified of it.

She's cool as fuck, though, I'm glad she beat me up while I was drunk and then forced me to be her friend.

ItalianStereotype Nov 30th, 2011 09:28 PM

so if you had a vagina, things would be different?

kahljorn Nov 30th, 2011 09:36 PM

HED BE AFRAID OF HIS OWN VAGINA SHADOW

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 09:47 PM

No, not really, I'd still be a sexually traumatized weirdo, but I think the allure of lesbian sex would overpower my inherent disgust with sins of the flesh.

I can't stress this enough, lesbian sex is THE BEST sex.

ItalianStereotype Nov 30th, 2011 09:51 PM

you should do it, bro

ItalianStereotype Nov 30th, 2011 09:52 PM

bro, you should do it

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 09:56 PM

If you can convince a girl that you're an ugly woman, you can scissor her in the dark.

Esuohlim Nov 30th, 2011 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 751022)
HED BE AFRAID OF HIS OWN VAGINA SHADOW

:o

WAIT A MINUTE, GUITAR WOMAN IS A DUDE????

Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 10:02 PM

not on the inside ;_;

Esuohlim Nov 30th, 2011 10:15 PM


Guitar Woman Nov 30th, 2011 10:23 PM

Pffffthahahaha

Sam Nov 30th, 2011 10:41 PM

IT'S NOT SEX UNLESS SOMEONE (NOT ME) HAS TO DO LAUNDRY WHEN IT'S OVER AND I'M FINISHED USING THEIR HAIR AS MY OWN PERSONAL CUM-DUMPSTER AND THEN I WIPE OFF THE EXCESS DIRECTLY INTO HER RETINA AND THEN I GO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND IGNORE HER FOR DAYS.

Sam Nov 30th, 2011 10:46 PM

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN'T BE INTO SPRAYING YOUR HOT EJACULATE ALL OVER ANOTHER PERSON IN THE HEAT OF CARNAL SEX-MAKINGS.

Sam Nov 30th, 2011 10:48 PM

OR EVEN WITHOUT THE SEX, JUST SNEAK UP ON SOMEONE AND CUM ON THEM.

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 10:48 PM

Yeah, and we haven't even gotten into pranks pulled on people using your baby batter.

Jizzy doorknob anyone?

ItalianStereotype Nov 30th, 2011 10:50 PM

"baby batter" makes my skin crawl

executioneer Nov 30th, 2011 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guitar Woman (Post 751018)
Probably not. I've put off losing my virginity for so long that I'd probably go into conniptions if anyone so much as tried to kiss me. I'm basically terrified of it.

you could always try anti-anxiety medicines or supplements of some sort

GABA, L-Theanine and Alcohol: Helps you Seal the Deal (tm)

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 11:18 PM

I went on prozac today. I feel a lot more run down than usual and it really blows. From what I understand, it'll take a few weeks before I don't feel shitty.

executioneer Nov 30th, 2011 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 751039)
I went on prozac today. I feel a lot more run down than usual and it really blows. From what I understand, it'll take a few weeks before I don't feel shitty.

yeah ssris take for fucking ever to get started

if you don't mind risking seratonin poisoning you could try doing a 5-htp supplement along with it to jumpstart that shitttt

don't do it for too long though because constant 5-htp use can cause damage to your heart-muscle

ThrashO Nov 30th, 2011 11:30 PM

what about one of those towels reserved for spunk that shatter like a cracker after 6 months. does that gross you out GW?

k0k0 Nov 30th, 2011 11:44 PM

I don't want any kind of seratonin poisoning or heart probs. I found out that my sinus infections weren't a sinus infection, so I either have a tension headache that has lasted months or I have something else fucking my head over.

executioneer Nov 30th, 2011 11:59 PM

it's probably not really that dangerous im jsut repeating what the labels and wikipedia and shit said

i wouldn't advocate it if i hadn't tried it on myself first

10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 1st, 2011 03:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 751027)
If you can convince a girl that you're an ugly woman, you can scissor her in the dark.

There's only one thing that I know how to do well And I've often been told that you only can do What you know how to do well And that's be you, Be what you're like, Be like yourself, And so I'm having a wonderful time But I'd rather be scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
There's only one thing that I like And that is scissoring in the dark

Grislygus Dec 1st, 2011 06:38 AM

SCISSORING SCISSORING
SCISSORING SCISSORING

DARK DARK

DARK DARK

Fathom Zero Dec 1st, 2011 06:47 AM

keeping it rhheal

Grislygus Dec 1st, 2011 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 751010)
you just haven't been tasting the right semen

ZUGS

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guitar Woman (Post 751012)
why do I even talk about my psychological issues here

'Cause you're a protostripper/crackwhore with daddy issues?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 751022)
HED BE AFRAID OF HIS OWN VAGINA SHADOW

ZUGZUGZUGZUGZ

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 751030)
FUNNYSHIT

ZUGZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS

executioneer Dec 1st, 2011 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 751027)
If you can convince a girl that you're an ugly woman, you can scissor her in the dark.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost (Post 751078)
There's only one thing that I know how to do well And I've often been told that you only can do What you know how to do well And that's be you, Be what you're like, Be like yourself, And so I'm having a wonderful time But I'd rather be scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
scissoring in the dark
There's only one thing that I like And that is scissoring in the dark

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grislygus (Post 751090)
SCISSORING SCISSORING
SCISSORING SCISSORING

DARK DARK

DARK DARK

and since it'll be dark you might be able to SEE THE CONSTELLATION RIDE ACROSS THE SKY

just make sure you don't accidentally STEP ON a SPIDER

and don't scissor so much that you miss hearing the DINNER BELL DINNER BELL RING

Fathom Zero Dec 1st, 2011 07:39 AM

put your fist inside the puppet's buuuuuuuuuuuuuuutt


did I do the things right?

kahljorn Dec 1st, 2011 01:01 PM

just be careful because they might be giant vaginas

Esuohlim Dec 1st, 2011 04:15 PM

HOW...CAN I SCISSOR LIKE A GIRL

AND NOT BE STIGMATI-I-IZED BY THE REST OF THE WORLD

ThrashO Dec 1st, 2011 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 751094)
put your fist inside the puppet's buuuuuuuuuuuuuuutt


did I do the things right?

oh yeah ;)

10,000 Volt Ghost Dec 2nd, 2011 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 751114)
HOW...CAN I SCISSOR LIKE A GIRL

AND NOT BE STIGMATI-I-IZED BY THE REST OF THE WORLD

I'll show you how to rock at scissoring.


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