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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

executioneer Jun 2nd, 2007 02:40 AM

ever since OH FUCK SWAMP MONSTER

Guitar Woman Jun 2nd, 2007 02:43 AM

Oh also are lenor and Goat Cheese still hanging around :x

MattJack Jun 2nd, 2007 03:53 AM

SHHHHHHHH don't speak that name! I was hoping she would just vanish if people stopped talking to her!!!!!!!!!

Guitar Woman Jun 2nd, 2007 04:49 AM

Man I sure wish someone who doesn't hate me would log on and inquire about my lost love, beause I need to talk about her to help let out my EMOTIONAL PAIN

Seriously guys I'm like dying here

MattJack Jun 2nd, 2007 05:19 AM

Emotional pain?

If it is about a woman, nobody knows more about women than me, duhhhhhhh. Especially when it comes to them dealing emotional pain.

MattJack Jun 2nd, 2007 06:12 AM

Ok maybe I'm full of shit and I don't know a damn thing about how women work.

kahljorn Jun 2nd, 2007 07:38 AM

i know they have solar powered vaginas so the problem with this woman might've been that her vagina hadn't received any sunlight so she was running on low that makes them a little stuttery...

Fartinmowler, anybody who calls themselves a pagan is a complete moron.

kahljorn Jun 2nd, 2007 07:40 AM

The following errors occurred when this message was submitted

1. This forum requires that you wait 30 seconds between posts. Please try again in 106 seconds.

MattJack Jun 2nd, 2007 07:49 AM

you gotta watch out for those solar powered trifle'n bitches man, srsly

Guitar Woman Jun 3rd, 2007 01:04 AM

The only real problem here is that when I left the treatment center I never got ahold of any contact info from her and wasn't able to give her mine, so most likely the only way I'll ever see her again is through some freakish twist of fate or something. This sort of reminds me of Charlie Brown and the red-haired chick he meets at summer camp, except we met in a behavioral health institute. :(

Esuohlim Jun 3rd, 2007 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guitar Woman
No, but I did get institutionalized at a treatment center in north Idaho where I met and most likely lost forever the girl who could have been the love of my life. :(

More like "The Mock Wars Tournament was scary and I had to hide for three months" haha but seriously dude you can get much better sex than treatment center sex ok, buck up

BlueOatmeal Jun 4th, 2007 02:30 AM

Fuck guys. All these women were really rude at Starbucks. They were all like "WHERES MY FRAPPUCCINO??!?!" Women suck.

MattJack Jun 4th, 2007 02:45 AM

I h8 women 2

Fathom Zero Jun 4th, 2007 03:03 AM

They should learn their fucking place.

MattJack Jun 4th, 2007 03:10 AM

>: yea the kitchen

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:12 AM

fuckin broads

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:14 AM

FUCKING BROADS

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:15 AM

THIS WEEKEND I'M GONNA TRY TO GET SOME POONANI

MattJack Jun 4th, 2007 03:15 AM

they need to go to the store and get some ActRite

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:16 AM

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNAAAAANNNNNIIIIIIIIII

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:16 AM

I got dem blue balls like a muthafucka'

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:17 AM

I know Mattjack knows what i'm talking about

he knows

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:18 AM

DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW MATTJACK

MattJack Jun 4th, 2007 03:18 AM

that's the easy part. The hard part is getting them to stop calling you>:

an they always wanna talk about their day and their feelings.

an they always ask if you listenin an if you wanna go out sometime again.


THEY JUST WANT ANOTHER FREE MEAL AND ANOTHER HOT CUP OF DILK

MattJack Jun 4th, 2007 03:20 AM

>: I BEAT BLUE BALLS UP

MattJack Jun 4th, 2007 03:20 AM

GET OUTTA HERE BLUE BALLS

:BEAT BEAT BEAT

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:21 AM

POOOONANNNIII

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:22 AM

THE TRICK IS WHAT I TELL THEM TO GO GET CUZ I WILL PIMP DEZE BROADS

AND I SAY "BITCH, GO GET TRICKIN"

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:23 AM

One time ya'll i had blue balls so bad I couldn't fucking walk.

And i took a piss and it felt like a midget was just wailing on my junk the whole time.

It was a nightmare.

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:25 AM

MattJack you are an alright dude.

MattJack Jun 4th, 2007 03:29 AM

:x MY EX G/F JUST CALLED ME

Sam Jun 4th, 2007 03:36 AM

Wtf is up with ex g/fs and callin

MattJack Jun 4th, 2007 03:40 AM

THEY LOVE GAMES

Seven Force Jun 4th, 2007 03:47 AM

Ex-Men

noob3 Jun 4th, 2007 08:33 PM

chicks are all over my cyclops

BlueOatmeal Jun 5th, 2007 02:46 AM

Man you guys kick ass. We should totally hit up the bars.

MetalMilitia Jun 5th, 2007 11:22 AM

The London Olympics logo is probably the worst logo I've ever seen in my whole life:



It cost something completely retarded like £400,000 to develop (which is about 500 million US dollars or infinity Canadian dollars).

The BBC website allowed people to submit their own versions which led to this being displayed:



Would've been better with a wedding ring :x

kahljorn Jun 6th, 2007 12:09 AM

damn dude i could be a millionaire right now because I and any idiot could design that piece of shit logo.

executioneer Jun 6th, 2007 02:10 AM

http://x13d.doritos.com/index.html?mid=21734143 DROITOS, KISS MY ASS

Fathom Zero Jun 6th, 2007 03:51 PM

There's a reason they're kept in a black bag.

Jeff The Ninja Jun 6th, 2007 10:40 PM

HEY GUYS.
Im turning 19 soon.

As soon as that happens, im gonna buy some 10 year olds beer :D

MattJack Jun 6th, 2007 11:56 PM

God I <3 you so much Morgan Webb, so.. so much.

Fathom Zero Jun 7th, 2007 12:52 AM

You should hit that.

MattJack Jun 7th, 2007 12:56 AM




Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan
Oh, I <3 you too MattJack. We should be together, rlly.


MarioRPG Jun 11th, 2007 09:29 PM

Hay guys! Quick reply is quick now!

gimmidamonii Jun 11th, 2007 10:10 PM

is morgan webb free tonite in canada

p.s. does tommy talarico still appear on television?

MattJack Jun 11th, 2007 10:12 PM

Morgan Webb only loves Americans, great Americans.

gimmidamonii Jun 12th, 2007 01:12 PM

i wrote a whole topic about u mattjack, talkin about how u seem to be a really good dude, good ideas, good brainz, good ideas, etc

somebody deleted it, or worse (this is for real), i've been spending too much time at this forum and dreamt that i posted a thread bout u. newayz, hax is so last hour, wat i really want to offer ppl now is my pants, r u free

And just to clear it up, no that's not my default voice, I'm in fact quite a genius. People have called me the John Locke of our generation; Hemingway with a touch of Sartre.

not, nebody crack vista yet

kahljorn Jun 12th, 2007 05:20 PM

Hemmingway, John Locke, and sartre -- a book that writes itself off a cliff

executioneer Jun 12th, 2007 06:09 PM

seriously guys whose lame character is this

Fathom Zero Jun 12th, 2007 08:24 PM

That's what I was about to ask.

COME OUT OR I WILL FIND YOU.

MattJack Jun 12th, 2007 08:41 PM

Who the fuck is you?

MarioRPG Jun 12th, 2007 09:34 PM

I grow weary of you and your nonsense. :( Entertain me.

kahljorn Jun 13th, 2007 02:58 AM

what's up with kellychaos showing up to post one sentence and then disappearing again :O

FartinMowler Jun 13th, 2007 09:40 AM

I think this Friday I'm going to write another Fartin Mystery...:) Kelly might be in it :\

noob3 Jun 13th, 2007 03:59 PM

can i be in it

noob3 Jun 13th, 2007 03:59 PM

just kidding i'm not gay

Seven Force Jun 13th, 2007 04:06 PM

Too late

Fathom Zero Jun 13th, 2007 05:01 PM

Urban Dead is much more fun when you log in and find that you've been dead for 28 weeks.

MockMeAmadeus Jun 13th, 2007 05:42 PM

I-Mockery Chat Room (DON'T FORGET TO VOTE 4 JIXBY)

MockMeAmadeus Jun 13th, 2007 05:43 PM

At least Jixby is much more fun!

MockMeAmadeus Jun 13th, 2007 05:45 PM

I will never forget the battleships. That was Aaaaawesome!

Rongi Jun 13th, 2007 10:53 PM

Is it worse to grab someone's dick and karate-chop it?

OR

Is it worse to hug someone while the both of you are naked?

MattJack Jun 14th, 2007 01:21 AM

I think it would be worse if you grabbed someone and karate-chopped them with a dick.

executioneer Jun 14th, 2007 04:53 AM

it is def. worse to karate chop a d*ck after grabbing it

and does the naked hugging have to be front to front or can it be liek front to side cause that might be better

kahljorn Jun 14th, 2007 06:09 AM

so what if you were fighting some huge naked buff guy and he was kicking your ass and no matter where you punched him it wouldn't hurt him and he had a huge erection: would it be ok to karate chop their dick if you thought it would take them down?

MattJack Jun 14th, 2007 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 493513)
so what if you were fighting some huge naked buff guy and he was kicking your ass and no matter where you punched him it wouldn't hurt him and he had a huge erection: would it be ok to karate chop their dick if you thought it would take them down?

:lol

Normally when fighting giant buff men with huge erections, I opt for the dick suplex. It's like a regular suplex, but you grab them by the dick instead of the shoulders/arms.

MattJack Jun 14th, 2007 06:15 AM

A Dickplex, if you will.

Fathom Zero Jun 14th, 2007 06:23 AM

I was just locked out of my house for about an hour.

In the fucking rain.


The Dickplex is a very demoralizing move, but nude hugging hurts more in the long run.

kahljorn Jun 14th, 2007 06:29 AM

I dunno i think naked hugging sounds homosexual ESPECIALLY if it's between two men who are fighting to the death! :O

plus then you'd have to get naked in the middle of a fight and that's kind of hard/inconvenient.

Fathom Zero Jun 14th, 2007 06:33 AM

That sounds a lot like a question I pose often.

HOW HARD WOULD IT BE TO FIGHT SOMEBODY WHILE ONE (OR BOTH!) OF YOU ARE NAKED?

MattJack Jun 14th, 2007 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 493520)
I dunno i think naked hugging sounds homosexual ESPECIALLY if it's between two men who are fighting to the death! :O

plus then you'd have to get naked in the middle of a fight and that's kind of hard/inconvenient.

What if the object of the fight was to beat the pants off your enemy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom
That sounds a lot like a question I pose often.

HOW HARD WOULD IT BE TO FIGHT SOMEBODY WHILE ONE (OR BOTH!) OF YOU ARE NAKED?

I don't know, I think I would be smiling. I think if men have to fight naked, they have to grease up completely in motor oil.

Speaking of that, I always wanted to get naked and apply tons of the thickest grease I could find all over me. Then I would run as fast as I could just to slide across a Wal-Mart or something. During peak shopping hours.

kahljorn Jun 14th, 2007 07:09 AM

"What if the object of the fight was to beat the pants off your enemy?"

I think that lends credibility to my theory of homosexuality ;o

Rongi Jun 14th, 2007 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 493499)
and does the naked hugging have to be front to front or can it be liek front to side cause that might be better

Front to front.

kahljorn Jun 14th, 2007 04:50 PM

more like: DICK TO DICK or if one of you is taller DICK TO BELLY BUTTON

it doesn't get much gayer than crossing dicks!

Esuohlim Jun 14th, 2007 04:52 PM

I fucked the shit out of Michelle Trachtenberg in a dream last night

Esuohlim Jun 14th, 2007 04:54 PM

Rongi never specified if the naked hugging wasn't with a girl so OH SHIT LOOPHOLE I'd pick that

Esuohlim Jun 14th, 2007 05:02 PM

Oh snap guys Judge Mathis is on :picklehat

kahljorn Jun 14th, 2007 05:56 PM

yea i had considered that but then i figured he wouldn't have asked if naked hugging was bad if it was with a girl ;o

MockMeAmadeus Jun 14th, 2007 06:01 PM

you do not KNOW judge mathis.

MockMeAmadeus Jun 14th, 2007 06:18 PM

Like many TV judge shows, only the bailiff, besides the judge, is a recurring character. The first bailiff on the series, Brendan Anthony Moran, died on December 28, 2002, after an apparent suicide. due to too much frontal hugging of someone of the same sex. Since then, Judge Mathis has had two bailiffs. The current bailiff is Doyle Devereux. Prior to the Judge Mathis show he starred as a tuxedo salesman in the 1991John Candy movie Only the Lonely. Bailiff Doyle often acts as a comic relief for the show, interjecting lighthearted observations about the litigants or their cases, whether it includes frontal hugging or not. Among the recurring humorous motifs, both Doyle and Mathis frequently insinuate that Doyle enjoys smoking marijuana and has an eye for pretty men. The bailiff also oversees the parties after the judgment in the studio court room hallway, where litigants respond on camera to Judge Mathis' ruling.

In the course of adjudicating, litigants often yell at each other, sometimes for extended periods of time; however, Judge Mathis will only tolerate frontal hugging but will dismiss cases if litigants demean or use profane language directed towards himself or the party before him. Nevertheless, compared to Judge Judy and many other legal shows, Mathis tolerates informal hugging; in fact, some petitioners blurt out statements in the heat of the moment that contradict their own hugging or otherwise undermine their cases while Judge Mathis listens with bemusement.

Judge Mathis also often entertains longwinded, mean-spirited personal hugging by one litigant on the other (even when such hugging bears no relevance to the case), but then allows the defamed party equal time to respond in kind. Aspiring singers and rappers who appear on the show may even be granted a moment to hug their opponents from the lectern.

Due to the popularity of the show and its long run on television, parties before the judge often profess personal fondness for hugging. He tolerates the hugging gracefully, but will not let that affect his decisions. God Save the Judge!

Rongi Jun 14th, 2007 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 493561)
yea i had considered that but then i figured he wouldn't have asked if naked hugging was bad if it was with a girl ;o

exactly

Rongi Jun 14th, 2007 08:55 PM

i think grabbing someone's penis and karate-chopping it is worse

crossing swords isnt gay at all, you weirdos

kahljorn Jun 14th, 2007 10:21 PM

yea guys pirates and navy officers used to cross swords all the time, along with lots of other lonely men.

kahljorn Jun 14th, 2007 10:23 PM

anyway from what I remember
=====) (===== often made with fingers is the internationally accepted elementary-middle school sign of GAY.

MattJack Jun 15th, 2007 08:45 PM

It's Fridayyyyyyyyyy niggghhhtttttttt.

Esuohlim Jun 15th, 2007 08:53 PM

All there is in the breakroom at work is stacks of World magazines. This means I have nothing to do during my breaks other than skim over creepy Christian propoganda :(

executioneer Jun 15th, 2007 09:04 PM

that sounds like a job for mustache ;(

kahljorn Jun 15th, 2007 09:34 PM

HOO HE HOO HAHA TING TANG WALA WALA BING BANG, HOO HE HOO HAHA TING TANG WALA WALA BING BANG.

that might be my new signature!

kahljorn Jun 16th, 2007 04:03 AM

how do you guys like my new signature?

Guitar Woman Jun 16th, 2007 04:20 AM

It's okay.

MattJack Jun 16th, 2007 04:42 AM

GUYS I GOT MY DANCE ON ALL NIGHT

MattJack Jun 16th, 2007 04:43 AM

AND IT WAS GOOD

Fathom Zero Jun 16th, 2007 05:03 AM

Party on, Wayne

kahljorn Jun 16th, 2007 05:18 AM

whatever guitarwoman this is the best signature that has ever been on this message board.

MockMeAmadeus Jun 16th, 2007 09:28 AM

sorry, second best. the best one is:

kahljorn Jun 16th, 2007 07:43 PM

fucking hippy with their "Open Spaces" coalition !

Seven Force Jun 17th, 2007 04:09 AM

mines the best sorry guys

kahljorn Jun 17th, 2007 04:25 AM

whatever you adament supporter of racism and grissly haired fanboys.

at least mine is still awesome, maybe i was BOASTING a little.

executioneer Jun 17th, 2007 06:14 AM

guys i would just like to say that i would seriously consider chopping my d*ck off if it meant i would get to play fallout 3 tomorrow


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