The waiter at the bar today didn't know that Coke with grenadine and Cherry Coke aren't the same thing :(

DEAR GURGLYGOOSE, I JUST SENT YOU MY ENTRIES INTO YOUR CONTEST SO LOOK AT THEM NOW >:

..

>:

SO WHAT IS THAT? LIKE MONDAY? :(

I'M PRETTY SURE HE SAID WEDNESDAY

I'M PRETTY SURE SHUT THE FUCK UP ASILA >:

HEY

I HEARD THAT

STUFF IT, YOU JAMMY TWAT. >:

Yet you're not following it. :rolleyes

>:

BITE ME SAM

That goes double for you

KISSES!

OMG A GIRL KISSED ME ON THE INTERNET OMG WE MUST BE MARRIED

ןoן dn s,ʇɐɥʍ sʎnƃ ʎǝɥ

my dog just somehow unzipped her "escape proof" travel crate from the inside and went on a rampage through my parents' house.

Poodle Macgyver. :eek

I just took my lesbian roommate's dog for a walk and she took a crap on the POLICE OFFICER'S lawn. I didn't think to bring any bags or whatever to pick up potential dookies, so I just left it steaming by his mailbox. The problem is... as I hurried on, looking back at his house, I am pretty sure I saw him sitting there on his porch in the dark.

I'm scared, guys.

He's new so he won't look here but hey I USED TO LIVE IN STOCKBRIDGE DOES IT STILL SUCK?

Yeah :hypno She's scary-smart but it only seems to kick in when she's doing her own thing. When it comes time to obey some commands, she conveniently turns stupid.

Even so, all is well except for the shrill fucking bark whenever she's bored and wants attention, or when she sees one of the cats and thinks it's talking shit to her.

Ok I had a good time but Jim's been puking for the past hour.
Goddammit.
I'm not buying him drinks anymore.

:lol

:(

I need sex.
DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL have sex one way or another, preferably without vomit being involved.