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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Sam May 23rd, 2009 05:11 PM



SEXPLOITATION

10,000 Volt Ghost May 23rd, 2009 05:16 PM

At work right now, don't have access.

Tadao May 23rd, 2009 05:20 PM

Your sis is hot, she has beefy arms, but that just means she can cook.

10,000 Volt Ghost May 23rd, 2009 05:39 PM

I'll have her cook you something....remind me to tell you about Ding Dong BJ's too.

Tadao May 23rd, 2009 05:55 PM

When Irish eyes are smilin',
Sure, it's like a morn in spring,
In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing.

When Irish hearts are happy,
All the world seems bright and gay,
And when Irish eyes are smilin',
Sure, they steal your heart away.

Sam May 23rd, 2009 07:31 PM

WTF is Ding Dong BJs?

Dixie May 23rd, 2009 07:40 PM

a really shitty convenience store

Tadao May 23rd, 2009 07:46 PM

He said he was gonna tell me, not you Sam :rolleyes

kahljorn May 23rd, 2009 07:54 PM

10,000 guy I don't think you should date that 18 year old because it is such a wide age gap and she is still growing and maturing and you are starting to reach that point in your life when you need to meet similarly matured women so that you can start to move into being an adult. plus its kind of like unfair she is 18 and doesn't even know what's going on in the world and here you are a TWENTyfouRYANOLD; with all the jokes and interesting conversational skills you've picked up she doesn't stand a chance against you. On your honor you can't take advantage of such a young lady.






:rolleyes

Sam May 23rd, 2009 07:56 PM

I WANT TO FUCKING KNOW.

kahljorn May 23rd, 2009 07:58 PM

OBVIOUSLY ITS A DING DONG DItCH BLOWJOB OR SOMe shit

Sam May 23rd, 2009 08:04 PM

I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE A DING DONG DITCH VERSION OF A BLOWJOBS. :(

Tadao May 23rd, 2009 08:12 PM

It's probably a Hostesses Ding Dong with BJ's BBQ sauce poured on top.

Tadao May 23rd, 2009 09:49 PM

"BEIJING – Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt, had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in southern China for hours when a passer-by came up, shook his hand — and pushed him off the ledge."

10,000 Volt Ghost May 24th, 2009 11:25 AM

Thanks Kahl. Ding Dong Blow Jobs:

She went over to a guys house once and as soon as she walked into she gave him head. I was like "Did you even make it through the doorway? Do you go to everyone's house like that? I bet instead of playing Ding Dong Ditch you play Ding Dong Blowjobs"

Her name is Corian.

She also hates the knock knock joke: "Knock knock. Who's There? Cori. Cori who? Blowjobs"

Aaarg May 24th, 2009 12:46 PM


Tadao May 24th, 2009 03:02 PM

Knock knock. Who's There? Cori. Cori who? Mrrrphph mrrphm mmmmmrphm.

Sam May 24th, 2009 03:55 PM

JEEZ

ZeldaQueen May 26th, 2009 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 629583)
"BEIJING – Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt, had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in southern China for hours when a passer-by came up, shook his hand — and pushed him off the ledge."

I saw a video of that. It was hilarious (the guy did survive the fall).

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 10:26 AM

I'm sure this has already made the rounds, but just in case:

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-...pr_product_top

Read reviews.

Colonel Flagg May 26th, 2009 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 629804)
I'm sure this has already made the rounds, but just in case:

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-...pr_product_top

Read reviews.

Very funny, but unrealistic. Now, if it were sharks instead of wolves, then I'd believe them. :eek

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 11:05 AM

Were they supposed to be realistic?

Zhukov May 26th, 2009 11:07 AM

Hahaha. Loves it.

I've seen a few wolves shirts, but by far the most popular here is a large, black t-shirt with Bruce Lee on it. That's what the scum of MY community wear.

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 11:12 AM

I wish I could find that pic of the redneck wearing a NEVER FORGET 9-11-02 shirt.

I was almost sure it was in the boners.com archives under the heading NEVER FORGIT, but I can't find it.

Zhukov May 26th, 2009 11:24 AM

I know you guys have rednecks, but what about in the cities? What do you call the unemployed, uneducated, oft alcoholic elements? The ones that contribute nothing to society but crime. We call them Bogans, they have Chavs in England, and Neds in Scotland, but they are all the same.

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 11:39 AM

Yeah. Well, theoretically there are "rednecks" everywhere, especially after the whole Jeff Foxworthy phenomenon that made it some sort of noble thing. I'm not sure what to call the rest, other than Walmart Enthusiasts.

Where I used to live, there was a radio show that featured a faux-redneck ranting about this and that. He referred to himself as "Uh-MURR-kin", so ever since I've been referring to Redneck-Americans as uh-MURR-kins.

I saw a documentary that claimed "redneck" came from the red bandannas worn by West Virginian men who took it upon themselves to defend families from anti-union intimidators. But I don't know.

I'm also familiar with Pikeys and Culchies. :P

Colonel Flagg May 26th, 2009 11:40 AM

Back when I lived in the city, we called them ventmen.

Zhukov May 26th, 2009 11:44 AM

Well, I always figured that red-neck had something to do with working out on the farm all day and getting a sunburnt neck.

COULD BE WRONG.

Colonel Flagg May 26th, 2009 11:44 AM

(to the tune "would you like to wish on a star"):

Oh would you like to sleep on a vent?
Never work and never pay rent.
And complain about the government -
Or would you rather drag a bag?

This brought back some crazy-ass memories...

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 11:47 AM

When I think of vents, I think of the ones in Chicago that blasted hot air up from the trains and smelled somewhere halfway between Campbell's soup and diseased shit. :(

I have some good memories of Chicago life, but that wasn't one.

I'll be back later, got a friend's birthday lunch to attend.

Womti May 26th, 2009 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colonel Flagg (Post 629818)
Never work and never pay rent.

no, but I bet YOU would :\

Dimnos May 26th, 2009 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zhukov (Post 629817)
Well, I always figured that red-neck had something to do with working out on the farm all day and getting a sunburnt neck.

This is what I always thought it was.

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 03:51 PM

What I got was from some discovery/history/learning channel show about the history of rednecks. But then on wikipedia I don't see much about the red-bandanna army, so who knows.

Dimnos May 26th, 2009 03:56 PM

REDNECK

–noun 1.an uneducated white farm laborer, esp. from the South.2.a bigot or reactionary, esp. from the rural working class.
–adjective 3.Also,red-necked. narrow, prejudiced, or reactionary: a redneck attitude.

:lol This was actually on dictionary.com

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 04:05 PM

So this restaurant I went to for lunch...one of the fanciest and most expensive in the area, right?

- A long blonde hair in the bread basket.

- A short black hair wrapped in the napkin with my silverware.

- A hair of unknown etiology in my sandwich (I spit it into the napkin and didn't look, I about puked).

Ugh.

Tadao May 26th, 2009 04:26 PM

I hate fancy restaurants. I like the little crappy ones who need my business.

Pub Lover May 26th, 2009 04:26 PM

Hair falls out? Quick! Wash your hands!

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 04:32 PM

Hair falls out. Most people can either wear something over it or glance at the food and pick a hair out of it before it goes to the customer.

I hate finding hair in food. It makes me gag. I'm so paranoid about it that I scrub the kitchen every time I cook... shower, change my clothes, and even put cake batter through a sieve to get out any hairs or pieces of eggshell.

But at least there isn't any hair in my fucking food.

Pub Lover May 26th, 2009 04:37 PM

What happens if you're using your fucking food and it gets in your hair?

Do you have to start over? Do you carry on but can't climax?

Tadao says you're not shaven, but I think that is a route you should explore.

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 04:42 PM

Your trolling is getting really clumsy.

So what do you do when you find a hair in food at a restaurant? Do you gobble it down to prove to everyone how hardcore you are?

Dimnos May 26th, 2009 04:44 PM

Pub probably brings his own hair to add to other peoples food when he goes out.

Pub Lover May 26th, 2009 04:50 PM

I was pondering the prowess of my trolling after that post as well. ;)

I don't go outside, Guys. How can I go to restaurants? :rolleyes

When I get hairs in food I put it to the side of my plate and finish my meal. I have been called gross for this, but it is because I am really cheap and refuse to waste food. :x

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 04:52 PM

I'm too fat anyway so I just didn't finish the sandwich.

Dr. Boogie May 26th, 2009 09:07 PM

It's an excuse not to go back to an expensive restaurant.

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 09:14 PM

The restaurant wasn't my choice anyway, it was more something I went along with to make someone else happy. So no problem with me if we never return.

Last time they assured me a dessert had no honey in it, I ate the dessert, then my throat closed up and I had to medicate for an allergic reaction. I checked their website and, sure enough, "honey butter". I vowed never to return after that, but certain insistent parties overrode my decision :(

10,000 Volt Ghost May 26th, 2009 10:06 PM

Hairs in food at restaurants aren't always bad things. They sometimes equal free steaks and gift cards.

Dr. Boogie May 26th, 2009 10:12 PM

You went back to a restaurant after they lied about what's in their food?

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 10:14 PM

I don't think it was a lie so much as the server was a dingbat and pulled the "oh, I'm sure it doesn't have honey" easy out.

Dimnos May 26th, 2009 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 629900)
Last time they assured me a dessert had no honey in it, I ate the dessert, then my throat closed up and I had to medicate for an allergic reaction. I checked their website and, sure enough, "honey butter". I vowed never to return after that, but certain insistent parties overrode my decision :(

Wait... you went back after this? :confused: I have to say this last trip was a huge success after last time. If they keep this up you better go back for a third time, I bet they put Emeril out of business.

Dr. Boogie May 26th, 2009 10:18 PM

I'm sure he would've been quite embarrassed if you had died right there. Talk about a faux pas.

Pub Lover May 26th, 2009 10:19 PM

:pagebrak

Kitsa May 26th, 2009 10:24 PM

It actually happens a lot. Tell someone you're allergic to shrimp (which, by the way, is also true) and they act very understanding. Tell someone you're allergic to honey and they roll their eyes...who the hell is allergic to honey?

I carry an allergy kit with me. As soon as I feel something happening, I take a pill and usually that stops it. If it doesn't, I have additional pills and an inhaler. Failing all that, I have an epi-pen. It's a sinister-looking thing and I'm afraid of it.

Anyway, the restaurant situation is complicated. I am trying to keep family happy by keeping family friends happy. The family friend in question makes all the restaurant selections, is a force to be reckoned with, is a senior citizen and is in poor health. I'm not in quite the "screw you, I'm not going there" position I'd like to be in. It was very much a keep-the-peace thing, where I vowed to avoid the honey dessert (and any possible honey-containing breads or lunchmeats) and keep my trap shut.

It would have gone quite well this time if not for the hair.

Colonel Flagg May 26th, 2009 10:31 PM

I've been to many restaurants and received bits of glass, staples and the odd slug in the salad, but fortunately no hairs. At least none that I know about (and that's all that matters). Each instance = free meal.

And why are you being given crap about being allergic to honey? >: Anaphylactic shock is not a unique reaction after bee stings, and honey is, effectively, bee vomit. It's not rocket science, it's common sense!

Fathom Zero May 27th, 2009 01:28 AM


Fathom Zero May 27th, 2009 02:27 AM

So I herd a chiptune version of Ordinary World and I came in my pants.

Zomboid May 27th, 2009 03:09 AM

I love putting bee vomit on my toast with some peanut butter.

Kitsa May 27th, 2009 07:37 AM

I'm allergic to all kinds of stupid shit and it can be a real pain in the ass.

The only time I ever complained and got a free meal was at a Chinese buffet in Ithaca. The place was all kinds of gross already (I personally witnessed a little kid pick her nose, then stick her finger up the soft-serve nozzle), but when I poked through my noodles, there was a rubber band. Someone had just tossed a rubber-banded bunch of noodles into the pot, apparently, and it had just stayed that way. I called the manager over and showed him, and he made a big deal of yelling, "YOUR MEAL FREE! YOUR MEAL FREE!" and running away with the plate.

MetalMilitia May 27th, 2009 10:04 AM

I'd have flicked the rubber band into his fat Chinese face so it twanged off his glasses.

Kitsa May 27th, 2009 10:15 AM

fair enough.

Zhukov May 27th, 2009 10:47 AM

I've been to two Chinese buffets in my life, the first one is close to where I work, so I went there for lunch, they served fried rice and fried chicken (??), and the MSG levels gave me a migraine headache.

The second one was in Melbourne, in the docklands district, and it was absolutely delicious. They served all kinds of duck, and even quail. Hundreds (well, maybe 25) of different types of dessert all served on tiny plates, so it was like dessert tapas. Expensive, but fantastic. They even did steak. Steak! In a buffet!

Dimnos May 27th, 2009 11:15 AM



:love :love :love :love :love

Colonel Flagg May 27th, 2009 11:26 AM

I'd have thought a better name would be "Ghengis Prawns". But maybe their specialty isn't seafood.

Kitsa May 27th, 2009 11:36 AM

or clever puns.

My all-time favorite Chinese restaurant was Uncle Chen's, near where I used to work. They soaked their rice in coffee before they fried it, for some reason. I tried it at home and it tasted awful, not at all like the delicious stuff at the restaurant.

10,000 Volt Ghost May 27th, 2009 11:43 AM

We have a place called WOK & ROLL in my mall. I'll take a picture next time I'm there.

Kitsa May 27th, 2009 11:55 AM

I saw a MOON WOK once, and I was so disappointed that they didn't have Chinese space-themed decor. :(

Sam May 27th, 2009 03:57 PM

Mongolian BBQ is the best. :(

Kitsa May 27th, 2009 04:41 PM

The only thing I know about mongolian food anything is about how they used to open a vein on their horses' necks and drink the blood when they were traveling so they didn't have to stop. Never found that thought especially appetizing, so I didn't pay much attention to modern-day Mongolian restaurants.

Tadao May 27th, 2009 05:00 PM

Mongolian BBQs are where you have a buffet of uncooked food you throw into a bowl, and your own sauces, and then take to the cook. He fries it for you and gives it back to you to eat. I've never liked it all that much.

Kitsa May 27th, 2009 05:03 PM

not the same bowl I hope :/

Pub Lover May 27th, 2009 05:06 PM

Does it matter? The bowl is woven from pubic hair.

Tadao May 27th, 2009 05:07 PM

Hah, it's asian, of course it's the same bowl! There is no way in hell they are gonna waste money running twice the amount of bowls.

Kitsa May 27th, 2009 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pub Lover (Post 630000)
Does it matter? The bowl is woven from pubic hair.



:tear

Dimnos May 27th, 2009 06:17 PM

Its awesome just go try it.

Tadao May 27th, 2009 06:23 PM

My buddy who eats there all the time confirmed that they use a fresh bowl or plate. And now he is trying to make me go again. :(

Pub Lover May 27th, 2009 06:24 PM

The suggestion that I could ever do it is flattering.

Pub Lover May 27th, 2009 06:24 PM

:pagebrak

kahljorn May 27th, 2009 07:09 PM

there's the kind of monogolian food where they put a piece of meat under their saddles and ride all the way through icy russia and then when they eat it its all warm and tenderized and delicious :(

Sam May 27th, 2009 09:09 PM

IT'S FUCKING GOOD YOU FUCKS. >:

Tadao May 27th, 2009 09:14 PM

Hahaha I just got an email saying they are gonna publish my zombie walk.

Kitsa May 27th, 2009 09:17 PM

who is "they"?

Sam May 27th, 2009 09:17 PM

:rolleyes

Tadao May 27th, 2009 09:18 PM

urban dictionary.

Sam May 27th, 2009 09:19 PM

God Kitsa, don't you know ANYTHING?

Womti May 27th, 2009 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 630048)
urban dictionary.


ALL RIIIIGHT
*HIGH FIVE*

Tadao May 27th, 2009 09:24 PM

I just need to find some one to test it on. WHERE ARE YOU SHRUB! >:

Sam May 27th, 2009 09:29 PM

>:

Dimnos May 27th, 2009 09:32 PM

what the hell is your zombie walk?

Pub Lover May 27th, 2009 09:33 PM

I noticed that she logs on most days to run a search for her name. Maybe if you guys talked about her more she'd actually post.

Tadao May 27th, 2009 09:36 PM

lol what a lazy bitch

Dimnos May 27th, 2009 09:36 PM

Never mind. I found it in the love line forum. :lol

Sam May 27th, 2009 09:39 PM

If I say her name three times will I summon her like Beetlejuice?

Sam May 27th, 2009 09:39 PM

SHRUBFEST SHRUBFEST SHRUBFEST

Pub Lover May 27th, 2009 09:41 PM

You're gonna need a bigger font.

Sam May 27th, 2009 09:42 PM

SHRUBFEST SHRUBFEST SHRUBFEST

Tadao May 27th, 2009 09:46 PM

I'm not that clingy.

Tadao May 27th, 2009 09:51 PM

Don't worry, you can start planning your wedding after I take her on a zombie walk.

Sam May 27th, 2009 09:52 PM

IF ANYONE IS GOING TO ZOMBIE WALK HER, IT IS GOING TO BE ME. >:

Pub Lover May 27th, 2009 09:56 PM

Maybe you could team up and Zombie Parade her?

Kitsa May 28th, 2009 02:28 AM

urban dictionary did not assist me.

Fathom Zero May 28th, 2009 03:05 AM

blue blooded murderer of the nglish tongue


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