THE PIPE

OR A SECOND GRADE COMPREHENSION TEST

I DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL YOU FUCKING DICK

WHERE DID YOU GO, THE CIRCUS?

I WENT TO ROCK N ROLL HIGHSCHOOL

NO, YOU WENT TO COCK IN HOLE GAYSCHOOL

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK

I AM A GOD

YOU ARE A DOG

Last night I went out for a friends birthday got completely wasted (tequila was involved) then tried to walk home - a distance of probably 10+ miles at 4am. During this trip some twat fitting my description robbed a news agent which I must've passed at some point because a sniffer dog tracked me for an hour before I was eventually found by a police car and interrogated (I say interrogated, they asked for ID and that's about all I remember). I think they realised that I was physically incapable of robbing anyone and left me to continue the walk/stagger home.

Funny thing is my description - which was supposedly the same as the robber's - was as follows: cammo shorts and and an amusing cat t-shirt from StuffOnMyCat.com.
I find it quite difficult to believe anyone else within many hundred miles would be wearing this combination of things being that it was a fucking cold morning.

I almost made it home but by about 7am I was so miserable I phoned my girlfriend and begged her to pick me up. It was either that of go to sleep on a bench by this point.

What the fuck is going on in here?

Do you like how I said that as if I hadn't just read the last 10 pages in mounting confusion?

You didn't say shit >:

<3

What's shakin baby?

Oh my god. What's with the 2 pages of crap about shoes?
Invasion!

Asila brought them from her other forums :(

Criky. She hangs with the wrong crowd, obviously!

She's one of those shoe fetish people.

And with but one click o' the mouse, they were all deleted in an instant. :picklehat

YOU KNOW THE LADIES WERE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THE CHANCE TO BUY ALL THOSE SHOES. :rolleyes

So my power unit busted in my computer about 6 days ago. :(
I've been crying nightly.

Damn, that makes it sound like I have a posse.

I can't believe you robbed a newsagent and didn't remember it. What did you get? Cash or chewing gum?

GUYS WHERE THE HOLY MOTHER FUCKING HELL IS GUITAR WOMAN

ALSO UH GUYS I THINK GABBY GAGA MAY HAVE BEEN LADY GAGA IN DISGUISE

HOLEEEEEE SHIT PAGE BREAK

ok i think i'll stop with all the caps lock now

Shut up, Guitar Woman.

PASSGAGES OF MALIBU

there was a snake in my store at 3:30 this morning. i'm no herpetologist by any means but i would be willing to bet that it was a corn snake.

i totally wanted to keep it, but i was 30 minutes into an eight-hour shift and would have had to quickly find something to keep it in until going home.

I'm sure your ex could tell you.

Oh I get it you're talking about herpes.

or trouser snakes, it was a double whammy.

A freind of mine is a herpetologist and the jokes NEVER get old.

I haven't drank in day's.. it's just wrong... seriously guys, Seriously!

I need some sleep ...

Perhaps it was stupid of me to assume that when our state's only NHL team is in the Stanley Cup playoffs for the first time ever, one of the many cable sports channels we pay for would carry the game.

I mean, that's just being completely unreasonable, right? :rolleyes

It's not like they're not showing any hockey...just in lieu of what I'd really LIKE to see, they're showing the Flyers-Penguins game. I was looking forward to the Jackets game all day.

KITSA SMAAAASSSSHHHH.

>:

Wow that sucks, I wonder if you can find a live feed on your computer.

just audio.

Judging how the first period played out, you might be better off not watching. :(

:sports

Which is why I'm all the more pissed that they threw out a token "Well, we'll show game 5".

Like we'll fucking get to fucking game 5.

Fuck. Wings just scored. Again.

:(

:)

..

HAHA I WENT TO CHECK AN IP ADDRESS AND REALISED I COULDN'T DO IT ON THIS BOARD HAHA ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?

That's creepy

Danny, stop pretending to be a mod, or I'll have to ban you again! >:

..

:lol

Have you earned your red wings yet? :eek

:pagebrak
Only the grave will rob this board of my constant musings on the wonderful taste of penis.

..

Fuck I'm bored

Board, I'm fucked.

I read his book - Goodbye to all that - the other day. It's quite good.

Super... I just need a bottle of jack now to process how pub apparently likes to rob graves for penis's...

Please remember to sleep face up.

Where is ZQ? I miss ZQ.

Did you chase her off when you suggested that you wanted to piss on her flower garden?

I love getting free shit. I now own a pack cover.

Tomorrow I shall have a great bouffant.
Complete with Dollar Tree hibiscus hair clips.
I wish I had some pants with pink flamingos on them.

Anything is possible.

OMG CIG, That is soo Peg Bundy Hawt!

I'm totally going Peggy Bundy.
I practiced the bouffant earlier, it's gonna be great.

I suggested that you-all were pissing on the flower garden. And you were/are.

http://www.spotcrime.com/
I've been looking up my friends addresses to see when and why the cops came to their houses.
I love that site.

I like the icons for the different crimes. It looks like nearby we have a lot of Hamburglers, Fist pounds and jaywalking. Little further away there are a bunch of Target stores.

Damn, it doesn't go back far enough for my sister's 4 assault charges in one night!

However, apparently somebody was arrested last month in the parking lot of my work for having a stolen card, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and sodomy!

Bummer, Ohio is poorly represented :(

Dayon is shitpacked with crime, but they only have a ritzy-ish suburb (Kettering, or at least the Oakwood part of it).

My roommate bought a brand new boat and while we were enjoying the smooth waters of Choctawhatchee Bay we saw three dolphins breaching the water. I raised my beer in salute of these great dolphins.

goddamn that website is full of gold

first dang thing i clicked:

Damn, Hobart is not on their list.

Someone stole a VCR on Tuesday, that would have probably been on the map if we had one.

I checked out Detroit and according to this site the crime isn't that bad. Then I checked out Cleveland, OH.

http://www.spotcrime.com/oh/cleveland

:lol

I'm getting ready to go golfing with my friends because they told me there would be beer there. :(

That's really the only reason to go golfing. Have fun Get drunk

It's only 9 now, so I should be able to get pretty shitty well before noon.

Just take a drink every time someone swings. Depending on how many people are playing you should get a good buzz pretty soon.

Sams getting drunk and playing with his friends little balls.

Happy Birthday Jeanette too.

Now I have a predicament. I was just invited to a b-day party for a friend of a friend. My good friend just told me he's going out for his birthday tonight and I'm also supposed to go hang out with this girl I met on monday.

I was kinda blitzed on monday though so I would have to re-meet her.

Whats the predicament?

Happy BDAY Janey!

One party is at 7pm, the other starts at 9pm which coincidentally is next door so I can easily do the Buffalo Shuffle between the two but this girl gets out at 10 and I don't want to be sloshed by then. Especially if she wants to go out somewhere.

Lol, tell her you have 2 birthday parties and have her meet you there. You are well in your rights to be drunk as fuck.

Just talked to her, the bar she wants to meet at is 4 streets down from the first two places. I have 255 in my personal luck stat but usually it doesn't work that well ahead of time.

I just want to see how it's going to mess up. I'm taking bets.

The only thing that I remember about her is that she's a swinger that got out of a 6 year relationship and her ex boyfriend cheated on her. I was like "Really, but you had an open relationship?"

:lol Women.

You are gonna stick t in her butt tonight. That is my bet.

That's the goal.

*blows noisemaker*

Thanks guys! Happy Birthday to me! :)

Happy Birthday to you birthday people
imgonnagogetfuckdupyo
CHOW

happy birthday / getting fucked up/ sticking things in things.

DUDE!
I totally look like Bea Arthur in my zombie pic.
Side by side comparison!

A few years ago someone with a Bea Arthur myspace account added me out of the blue. I had no idea who they really were or how I knew them, but whoever-it-was was nice and left comments for me from time to time. They stopped about a year ago, but they're still on my friends list.

I didn't know what else to do so I left one of those sympathy graphics in their comments.

hahaha you're friends with an ol' bitch

my friends list is DADS ONLY

I went to a funeral today.

Now, I've seen some wacky tasteless funeral shit before, but this has to win some sort of award.

There was a woman who was slurping slowly on a Big Gulp as she peered into the coffin.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

OH SHIT! That's why phones have cameras.

Well, the widow was talking to me at the time, I just happened to glance over. If I'd said "hold on" and whipped out a phone/camera, I guess I would have been just as bad.

She just liked seeing you with your shirt off. :love

But the chances of a trifecta would have been in play and it would be a funeral worthy of the gods!