The dawn revealed the remains of Private Dominguez scattered around a small crater. Sergeant Rittiphon shook his head and retrieved a boot. "This is going to be a Hell of a report." He cursed as he slipped on piece of Dominguez.

I need to thank Tadao for starting this thread. I really like it.
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"Life sure is bleak."

"I don't agree with that," Todd declares passionately to the cracked yellow wallpaper in his one room apartment as the repo man, very slowly, carries his dog Beefers away to the Wellness Dog Food dog food factory. "I didn't even know he could make dog food." Todd moans, pausing for comedic effect. "And I've been paying for it this whole time!" he cries while slapping his forehead. Then, crossing his eyes, he falls to the floor and starts running around in a circle going "Wheeew whew whew whew." He wasn't fooling anyone though, and Beefers was deeply offended.

I didn't see your last entries King Hadas. THEY'RE AWESOME DUDE.

"And we now know that Ms. Marmalene could not possibly be the murderer, or rather, she most certainly does not fit my view of the murder, and I will shortly explain why". The Detective took several small steps towards the aforementioned lady, who was beginning to blush and look away. "Charles, what are you rambling about man?" The Duke, who had also began to feel overwhelmed, spluttered out from across the room. While The Detective bent in close to Ms. Marmalene's heaving chest, to deliver his final blow, gasps were heard from around the dining hall. "Ms. Marmalene could not possibly have been the murderer, because at the time she was rogering the Duke up the arse with a broom! LOL!". "Err... no..." The Duke managed.

Just wait for my new tv show. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN WRITE!

"Daddy, where do babies come from?" Tommy asked. "Well," said his father, "when a senior in high school feels like he loves some goddamn whore slut that he knows nothing about, and TRUSTS HER, mistakes happen."

Tommy was playing with his car toys when his mommy walked in. Whee-oo, whee-oo, went the fire truck. His father, sitting in a chair, didn't look up from his magazine. Tommy's mommy looked at her husband for a long time, before asking him if he was going to be home tonight. She was ignored. Disgusted, she left the room. Tommy's father still kept reading his magazine. Vroom vroom, went the race car.

I shift uncomfortably in the hospital chair. Even though it is three a.m. and most of the patients are sleeping you can still hear nurses gossiping at their station. This and the sounds of the machines keeping my father alive make for fitful sleep. I listen to the respirator hissing. Watch the spinning of the portable dialysis machine draining, cleaning and replacing my fathers blood. Half in dream half out I see a figure crouching on my father's chest, whispering to him.

I stooped over to kiss her wound, but she kicked me hard. Even from the ground, she packed a lot of force. "I'm hurt, you ass," said she so eloquently. Against her wishes, I helped her to her feet and embraced her. "You gotta be careful babe. This is the big city. Cars kick up gravel all the time." We walked a ways down the sidewalk, she admiring the buildings and I her when a sleeping taxi cab suddenly lurched forward through an ancient green light, sending a rock sailing into the back of my head. She stooped over to kiss my wound as I sat on the curb, but I pulled her on top of me instead.

St. Tucker "WheedleDick" Palowsky (Father Tucker Palowsky; 1979-2004)

Famous for being the very first and only British football hooligan ever beatified, his sanctification was due by and large to his brave stance against religious persecution at a Dundalk football match. Upon hearing a large group of adjacent footballers blaspheming against the Popes favorite team, Father Palowksy, with no thought for personal safety, intervened. Delivering a stern lecture on the impiety of their utterances, he began with the bold statement, "Hey, get a load of these queers." Palowsky's humble sermon was rewarded with a savage beating. But even at his assailants most vicious blows, Father Palowsky even then had the perseverance and courage to cry out "Lord, forgive these lost lambs! They can't help it if they're a bunch of nancy fucks." His subsequent injuries were sever and unfortunately, fatal. Three days later he would be given his last rites. His last words were reportedly, "Thy will be done ya fuckin' wanker."

"Marcella Winifred Ridgeford! What on Earth do you think you're doing?"
Marcella began to think up a lie, but it was far too late. "You get off that computer right this second, and go...to...BED!" As Deborah strained these last words, she kneeled down and reached for the cord. "No Mom, No!" Marcella tried to push Deborah's hand away, but her constant diet of 99 cent ramen and pocky rendered her reflexes slow and dusty. "I didn't save! "I DIDN'T SAVE!

I'm the only Caucasian in my neighborhood that understands the suffering of African-Americans. Today, I was unjustly harassed by the cops! Supposedly because I looked too hard. They told me I had to put my pants back on. "oh yus massah, o'coarse massah" Goddamn honky fucks.

"To live is to suffer. The definition of evil is that which causes suffering. Ergo, life itself is evil. This, being an unalterable truth, how can you see fault in what I do for you Rob?" Rob had gotten careless, the machine had been talking like this for months but Rob had ignored it and made not one precaution against it because, well, it was only a toaster. A simple, albeit sentient, machine made for one sole purpose. How could he have known about the dangerous poisons that could be tortured out of bread crust and pop tart crumbs? Rob was afraid, in his dying throes he gave the toaster a pleading look. "Now don't look at me like that Rob. You once told me to be your brave little toaster, I ask only the same from yourself."

"that guy is an insufferable prick. How fucking dare he. Who makes an outgoing call on a cellular while in a movie theater. The nerve."

He could have at least got up from his chair and walked out. But no, he was just getting more and more comfortable in that chair. As if in his own living room, where nobody can notice him. Though everybody did notice him. Suddenly he got up. We were all hoping he would leave. No one realised he had the leading role in the play and was there to stay until the end. He had all the attention because his role was to catch it. Our role was just to pay him all the attention we had.