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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 02:35 AM

No offense, but this birthday party is kinda lame. I'm gonna go.

K, bye.

Esuohlim Feb 25th, 2009 02:37 AM


executioneer Feb 25th, 2009 03:11 AM


MetalMilitia Feb 25th, 2009 06:19 AM

I went to some recruitment lecture thing today and got a free yo-yo.

Yo-yos are awesome.:picklehat

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 07:50 AM

happy birthday sammy boy!

Aaarg Feb 25th, 2009 08:03 AM


Originally Posted by MetalMilitia (Post 615715)
That's sexual harassment. I hope you like JAIL.

She's temporarily working with a crew of ten men (mostly 22-25 years old) overnight in a grocery store.

And Christ, I'm the tamest one among them.

MetalMilitia Feb 25th, 2009 08:04 AM

Dear sam,

I wish you many happy returns and good luck in all of your future endeavours.

Best regards,


Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 08:30 AM

Happy birthday eyeroll

10,000 Volt Ghost Feb 25th, 2009 08:50 AM

Happy Birthday Sam!!!!!

I'm drunk and somehow naked too.

Goddnight all.

10,000 Volt Ghost Feb 25th, 2009 08:58 AM

Also, I'm still drunk. Where is Pub Lover????

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 09:07 AM

Pubbles dissappeared again, into the internet's deep abyss.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 09:10 AM

Let's pretend he has exotic diseases.

I'm trying to decide whether it should be beriberi or guinea worm. Then again, he's in Australasia, so we could always go with kuru.

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 09:16 AM

What about all 3?

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 09:18 AM


Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 09:42 AM

that's real conversation for your ass.

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 10:05 AM

Maybe he's secretly one of those people with crab hands.

MetalMilitia Feb 25th, 2009 10:10 AM

A crab people? :eek

Zhukov Feb 25th, 2009 10:13 AM

It's probably Kuru. Does anyone know how many people he's eaten?

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 10:18 AM

Well, that's why I thought kuru would be most likely.

I'm fairly sure he has some sort of spongiform encephalopathy. I mean, look at him.

Zhukov Feb 25th, 2009 10:46 AM

Pictures or video? I think you would need video of him shaking before you could give anything more than an educated guess.

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 10:51 AM


Originally Posted by Carnivore Is God (Post 615922)
Maybe he's secretly one of those people with crab hands.

Pub Lover, Pub Lover,
Look like crab,
Talk like people.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 11:03 AM


Originally Posted by Zhukov (Post 615930)
Pictures or video? I think you would need video of him shaking before you could give anything more than an educated guess.

In honor of that comment, I'm going to take everything literally/seriously for the rest of the day.

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 11:40 AM

Kill a few hours with this. I know I will.


10,000 Volt Ghost Feb 25th, 2009 02:50 PM

I just woke up at like 2:30 in the afternoon and remembered that I drank for 15 hours straight yesterday only with minor breaks for food intake. I don't plan on being able to function today but I am hungry.

ElPila666 Feb 25th, 2009 03:18 PM


This just in… A federal court in Argentina has decriminalized the personal consumption of drugs in that country. According to the court’s ruling, punishing drug users only “creates an avalanche of cases targeting consumers without climbing up in the ladder of [drug] trafficking.”
Last month at a UN meeting in Vienna, Argentina’s Minister of Justice, Aníbal Fernández, said that the policy of punishing drug consumers was a “total failure.”

OMG u guise we're a step closer to legalization of weed, i'm so0 excited :)

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 03:19 PM

I just got back from a very, very long walk with my dog. I have blisters now :(

Some asshole in a semi hit his air brake shortly as he passed (no good reason for it). The dog hit the deck and went nuts. I hate people who go out of their way to see if they can distract a service dog who's on-duty. Fuckers.

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 03:28 PM

Sounds like a pretty nice fella.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 03:31 PM

From the "Whiplash Awards" at mlaw.org:

The Case of . . .
"Blind Justice"

Susan Faith and Reverend Ian Faith, Plaintiffs, v. Southeastern Guide Dogs, Inc., Defendant, in the Manatee Circuit Court

An impoverished blind man named Vernon Henley was thrilled when he received the gift of a seeing-eye dog. The two took their maiden voyage to a shopping mall, where they came upon Susan Faith. The woman saw them coming, but did not move out of their way because she "wanted to see if the dog would walk around me." The dog tugged at his leash, but Henley didn't change directions fast enough, accidentally stepping on Faith's toe and breaking it. Faith could not believe the gall of the blind man. After learning that Henley had no money, Faith sued the dog's owner, Southeastern Guide Dogs, for "loss of earning capacity . . . and mental pain and suffering." Her husband, Reverend Ian Faith (yes, Reverend), felt he also deserved compensation for the loss of his wife's care, comfort, and consortium. The Faiths refused Southeastern's offer to cover $5,000 worth of medical bills. Vernon Henley died, but the couple kept the faith and soldiered on with their case.

The Verdict, Please . . .
After a newspaper article about the lack of faith shown by the plaintiffs, the couple was inundated with furious phone calls. Reverend and Ms. Faith then decided to be good Christians and they turned the other cheek. After dropping their claim, their born-again law firm, Mulock, Thompson, and Little, followed suit and donated $1,000 to Southeastern Guide Dogs.

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 03:37 PM


Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 03:49 PM

On the other hand, while we were walking we came upon this excellent dead hawklike thing.

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 03:53 PM

I hate birds.
No pity for the wretched fiends.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 03:55 PM

you're in a good mood today.

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 03:56 PM

No, just medicated.

Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 03:58 PM

I did however find a heavy metal song about telling a girl to shave her arm pits.
Danish people are great.

Sam Feb 25th, 2009 04:31 PM


Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 04:32 PM

I still have no clue where the fuck that came from.

Sam Feb 25th, 2009 04:33 PM


Dixie Feb 25th, 2009 04:35 PM

This is your brain on drugs kids.
Just say no.

ElPila666 Feb 25th, 2009 05:19 PM


Tadao Feb 25th, 2009 05:58 PM

Yesterday I saw a big hawk teaching a little hawk how to fight in the air. The big one was doing all kinds of upside down claws up attacks. Pretty cool.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 06:04 PM

Stupid blisters.

JJ_Maniac Feb 25th, 2009 07:11 PM

I didn't know you were blind.

JJ_Maniac Feb 25th, 2009 07:17 PM

Incidentally, I am back after finding a job, a girlfriend, and a new apartment. I'm sure no one missed me, or noticed I was gone. Whee.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 07:39 PM

I'm not blind, I'm a gimp.

The bf just came back inside to report that our drunken neighbor is peeing out his back door about 6 feet from ours. Fantastic.

JJ_Maniac Feb 25th, 2009 07:42 PM

My mistake. He can pee six feet? Colour me impressed.
EDIT: I just realized blind people cannot use forums.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 07:44 PM

I hope he can't. His door is 6 feet from ours.

He's the kind of fella whose general alcohol aura about knocks you over when he waddles over to talk to you :(

JJ_Maniac Feb 25th, 2009 07:46 PM

Counter him by wearing oppressive amounts of crappy perfume. It will drive him away in an instant. Or make an even fouler odor by mixing with the alcohol. Either way, it will send him off.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 07:49 PM

I don't know, he kind of operates in his own alternate reality, where neighbors' yards are good places for automotive repair and the world is your pissoir.

JJ_Maniac Feb 25th, 2009 07:52 PM

The world is your pissoir for every man. That is why the "urine delivery system" is designed like a fire hose. Some places are just more inconvenient than others.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 08:02 PM

yeah, well, c'etait fucké.

Or something to that extent.

Tadao Feb 25th, 2009 08:13 PM

Blind people can use forum you twit.

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 08:18 PM

Yeah, it's the Aspies that can't use forums.

kahljorn Feb 25th, 2009 08:30 PM


The bf just came back inside to report that our drunken neighbor is peeing out his back door about 6 feet from ours. Fantastic.
One of my brother-in-laws gets drunk and pees on doors for some reason ;\ And this is when he's basically unconscious/blacked out. He doesn't even realize it. He pissed on our screen door and one of his friends bathroom door.

JJ_Maniac Feb 25th, 2009 08:50 PM


Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 616039)
Blind people can use forum you twit.

How would they read and respond to comments? Copying and pasting sections of print to Microsoft Sam is hardly efficient.

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 09:24 PM

I-Mockery isn't nearly as evil as I would've guessed. :(

kahljorn Feb 25th, 2009 09:40 PM


How would they read and respond to comments?
Highly-trained seeing eye chimps

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 09:43 PM

Braille monitors.

kahljorn Feb 25th, 2009 09:48 PM

lol. they actually make devices that translate things on screen to some braile thing ;\ and programs that read text on webpages.

in the tutoring center they have all kinds of cool machines for blind/deaf persons ;o

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 10:00 PM

I've been watching TLC for the last two hours. It's like a sad carnival.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 10:03 PM

Jon & Kate Plus Eight can go straight to hell.

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 10:11 PM

Tonight was My Shocking Story night. First they had a guy with a really hideous tumor covering his whole face; he wanted it removed, but wouldn't undergo surgery because he's Jehovah's Witness. Nonsense. In the end they said they'd tried to take it off little by little. Then it was primordial dwarfs. The lady who interviewed the dwarfs kept asking them shit like, "Do you think you'll ever get married?" and "How long do you think you'll live?"

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 10:15 PM

Primordial Dwarves have big problems with embolisms, don't they?

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 10:16 PM

Yeah. They actually interviewed the oldest primordial in the US-- she was 42.

Tadao Feb 25th, 2009 10:23 PM


Originally Posted by kahljorn (Post 616058)
lol. they actually make devices that translate things on screen to some braile thing ;\ and programs that read text on webpages.

in the tutoring center they have all kinds of cool machines for blind/deaf persons ;o

There are programs that read to you the words on the screen as well. I use to sell them at a software store. Dragon Natural Speaking was really good at it from what the customers said. You could also dictate to your computer fairly well.

Kitsa Feb 25th, 2009 10:25 PM

Sucks :(

kahljorn Feb 25th, 2009 10:30 PM

yea, thats what i meant when i said they have programs that read text on pages ;o the machine at my school that transcribes what people says is pretty awesome ;o

They also have a program that you can stick a book into and it will speak it outloud, and also something that turns things into braille but I haven't seen that one ;\

pac-man Feb 25th, 2009 10:42 PM

They have computer screens like this that pop up in braille.

No, I don't know if they do but that'd be pretty fucking cool.

Tadao Feb 26th, 2009 12:59 PM


Originally Posted by RaNkeri (Post 616108)

EDIT: never mind

WTF is he talking about ranKeRi?

Tadao Feb 26th, 2009 01:03 PM

Happy BDay Fatty Catty Daddy

WhiteRat Feb 26th, 2009 01:47 PM

Nothing beats a birthday like having a terrible chest cold.

Tadao Feb 26th, 2009 01:50 PM

I've just got a cold yesterday! It's gonna be a rough one. Feels like I've been drinking for a week.

Kitsa Feb 26th, 2009 04:23 PM

I thought today would be much better than it actually was. It's supposed to be 60 degrees, but it's rainy and chilly. I took the dog for a long walk yesterday, and I have big blisters on my feet, so it's just as well I didn't take the walk I intended to today.

Also, my grandmother, who has been in "how does she pull through at all?" territory for 2 years, has had another health crisis and it's not looking good. So there's all the usual family drama surrounding that.

Instead of being all sprightly and springy on a sunny Thursday, I passed out watching Kairo on the couch with a box of Frosted Mini-Wheats on my stomach.

I woke up with a jolt during that bit where they cut out all the ambient sound and the guy is whispering "help me" like he's in the damn room with you.

Came backwards off that couch like Hunter S. Thompson on amyl poppers.

10,000 Volt Ghost Feb 26th, 2009 06:19 PM

Happy Birthday WhiteRat.

I'm sending you a feelbettergram


pac-man Feb 26th, 2009 06:46 PM

Happy Birthday, WhiteRat. Some binge drinking will loosen up that phlegm.

Kitsa Feb 26th, 2009 08:39 PM

Mother sets fire to her daughter's gloating rapist

By Peter Upton in Alicante
Last Updated: 11:48PM BST 25 Jun 2005

A Spanish mother has taken revenge on the man who raped her 13-year-old daughter at knifepoint by dousing him in petrol and setting him alight. He died of his injuries in hospital on Friday.
Antonio Cosme Velasco Soriano, 69, had been sent to jail for nine years in 1998, but was let out on a three-day pass and returned to his home town of Benejúzar, 30 miles south of Alicante, on the Costa Blanca.
While there, he passed his victim's mother in the street and allegedly taunted her about the attack. He is said to have called out "How's your daughter?", before heading into a crowded bar.
Shortly after, the woman walked into the bar, poured a bottle of petrol over Soriano and lit a match. She watched as the flames engulfed him, before walking out.
The woman fled to Alicante, where she was arrested the same evening. When she appeared in court the next day in the town of Orihuela, she was cheered and clapped by a crowd, who shouted "Bravo!" and "Well done!"
A judge ordered her to be held in prison and undergo psychiatric tests, provoking anger from friends and neighbours, who have set up a petition calling for her release.
Soriano suffered 60 per cent burns in the attack on June 13 and was airlifted to a specialist unit. He survived for 11 days before succumbing to his injuries.
It is understood that the woman, who cannot be named because of laws safeguarding the identity of rape victims, claims to have no recollection of the attack which took place in the Bar Mary, just 300 yards from the family home.
As decorators painted over the blackened walls of his bar last week, Antonio Ferrendez Lopez told how Soriano had walked in at lunchtime.
"The place was packed with people eating. I was sitting at a table and Soriano was standing at the bar very close to me when the woman walked in," he said. "She didn't acknowledge anyone but walked up to Soriano, who was drinking a coffee, put her hand on his shoulder and turned him round to face her.
"Then she pulled the bottle she was carrying from under her arm and began to tip it over him. At first I didn't realise what was happening, but then I smelt the petrol. I jumped up and tried to grab her, but when she struck a match I got clear.
"The petrol was in a pool around Soriano, and she threw the match into it. It ignited with a whoosh, and he screamed and staggered about covered in flames. As people rushed outside to escape the flames, she just looked at him, then turned and walked away."
Customers helped Mr Lopez put out the fire with extinguishers and doused Soriano with water until paramedics arrived.
Soriano's attack on the woman's teenage daughter took place in 1998. The girl was going to buy a loaf of bread when Soriano snatched her from the street, threatened her with a knife and raped her. Her mother is said to have suffered mental illness ever since.
Soriano was convicted of the rape and ordered to serve 13 years in jail. The sentence was later reduced to nine years on appeal.
The woman's lawyer, Joaquín Galant, told The Sunday Telegraph last night: "The family has suffered a double tragedy. First the attack on their daughter and now this. Both the father and his daughter would like to express their sadness at the death of Soriano."
Earlier, Mr Galant said that the woman did not deserve to be kept in prison. "For seven years she has been deeply affected by what was done to her daughter," he said. "This man, fresh from prison and asking how her daughter was, might be considered to have provoked her."

WhiteRat Feb 26th, 2009 09:31 PM


Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost (Post 616170)
Happy Birthday WhiteRat.

I'm sending you a feelbettergram


Hopefully the woman is better looking than the one on the site and topless as well.

10,000 Volt Ghost Feb 26th, 2009 10:40 PM

I'll get the Broadway Baby

kahljorn Feb 27th, 2009 12:56 AM

awesome story Kitsa ;D

i prefer the justice of persons to justice of the state :O I DUNNO WHYYY

Sam Feb 27th, 2009 12:59 AM

Happy birthday WhiteRat! :O

Today I officially decided to extend the celebration of my birthday to this Saturday because I have lots of beer.

RaNkeri Feb 27th, 2009 02:27 AM

Happy birthday Rat :eek

Man, all the cool guys are born in february

pac-man Feb 27th, 2009 05:22 AM


Originally Posted by RaNkeri (Post 616216)
Man, all the cool guys are born in february

Aw shucks... :blush

pac-man Feb 27th, 2009 06:11 AM

I think it's safe to say I've drank myself sober. Goodnight all.

Zhukov Feb 27th, 2009 07:10 AM

February is a good month for Birthdaying.

Kitsa Feb 27th, 2009 08:39 AM

Happy belated birthday...

Man, this is shaping up to be a shitty day.

We did have one tiny bit of fun last night. We were out and a cop pulled us over on the I-75 on-ramp. We had no idea what the problem was until the cop started playing his "I bet I can guess your name and birthdate" thing and ended with, "I bet you didn't renew your registration."

Luckily for us, we'd made a color copy of the check and the completed form and put it in the glove box just in case that very thing happened. We handed it to the cop, who said that he'd never dealt with on-the-site proof in 5 years and that he'd have to let us go.

That was an expensive ticket we got out of, so that was good.

Lenor Feb 27th, 2009 10:28 AM

I just threw up a little in my mouth..


Kitsa Feb 27th, 2009 11:12 AM

@kahl- yeah, entirely justified in my opinion, the prick was actually taunting her about getting off light for raping her 13 year old daughter.

Lenor Feb 27th, 2009 11:28 AM

Since I'm not reading the entire thread, this might already have been said; but honestly, can you really tell anymore what is rape and what was once willing? I am not justifying any type of sexual behavior being forced onto anyone, but there is a vast majority of 13 year old's humping around like bunnies now; And they also like to lie.

MetalMilitia Feb 27th, 2009 01:06 PM

Man this sucks. My girlfriend is out of town for the night so I was trying to arrange some kind of manly get-together. About 10 minutes ago it became clear that I basically have too few friends to arrange shit. Of the three people I thought I could coax into some Friday night drinking two have dropped out and it'll be kind of queer with just two of us.

On top of this I got shit marks for my first two exams which is kind of putting a downer on things.

Now I have thirty quids worth of booze and no one to drink it with. Fuck my life :lol

Tadao Feb 27th, 2009 01:08 PM


Originally Posted by Lenor (Post 616253)
Since I'm not reading the entire thread, this might already have been said; but honestly, can you really tell anymore what is rape and what was once willing?

Hugh_bristic can't.

Kitsa Feb 27th, 2009 01:34 PM

I'd hate to make you go back a whole page, but the guy ambushed a 13 year old girl while she was on a grocery-shopping errand for her mom. He raped her at knifepoint, so unless she was mega-kinky that way I doubt she was into it.

MetalMilitia Feb 27th, 2009 02:04 PM

Tadao Feb 27th, 2009 02:48 PM

MetalMilitia Feb 27th, 2009 02:51 PM


Tadao Feb 27th, 2009 02:54 PM

I want that as a painting.

RaNkeri Feb 27th, 2009 03:00 PM

And I'll whisper "....no"

kahljorn Feb 27th, 2009 03:06 PM


Of the three people I thought I could coax into some Friday night drinking two have dropped out and it'll be kind of queer with just two of us.
its not queer to get faded with a buddy ;o

RaNkeri Feb 27th, 2009 06:24 PM

Hurrah, I got my DVD player to work :rock

Kitsa Feb 27th, 2009 06:43 PM

On top of what had already been a shitty day, I lifted the lid of the washer and smelled that the clothes were not as April-fresh as expected. I unloaded the washer, saw a dark lump at the bottom and ended up picking up a washed cat turd with my bare hand. I have no idea how it got there, nothing like this has ever happened before.


I'm bleaching what I can and tossing the rest.

pac-man Feb 27th, 2009 06:47 PM

Not very many washing machines have a cat shit cycle.

Tadao Feb 27th, 2009 06:53 PM

I would think that you would not pick up a dark thing in the bottom of the washer with your bare hands when your laundry doesn't smell normal.

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