happiness is elusive ..
 

I thought Id never experience a glimmer of happiness in my life. I was quite bitter for the most part of my life. My life doesn't suck or anything, but it kinda feels like it does, all the time. I dunno why! Maybe its like when people get depressed for no apparent reason, something like that. and Im quite young and lack any experience in anything. Maybe its teen angst or something.

Anywho, for years now. Ive been trying to remedy this by buying alot of stuff. Like video games, consoles, car accessories, popular merchandise. You know stuff I don't really need, but want. It felt good after awhile, but it kinda wore off and I was back to being bitter, and broke. I don't wanna take any medication or anything, cause thats kinda not-natural. anywho, out of desperation. I started getting rid of all my stuff, sold them. Gave them away. And started to distance myself from people and friends I don't really need. Or are bad influences.

I discovered that it was like a giant burden was lifted off my shoulders. Not only do I not need to worry about peer pressure, and trying to "impress" people. I also had more money and didn't worry about paying for stuff and their upkeep. Which means I had to work less hours at my hell-job. Which somehow made me more happy.
Do you people have similar experiences or advice that can give me on this?
Im still a bit confused, but I wonder if this is the right move. But it did make me more happy.

I gave up online gaming and have found my life to have improved substantially. I used to play Warcraft 3 and Neverwinter Nights obsessively for a few years, and those years even now seem like kind of a blur to me. Now I'm working, I've moved in with my girlfriend and things are good.

You can tell something is a bad influence in your life when it takes up the majority of your time, even if you're not around it, like constantly worrying about friends who are in trouble but have no desire to fix it. Of course, this could be said about a lot of positive things, like jobs or girl/boyfriends or whatever, but I think it can be said that the benefits outweigh the negatives in those aspects.
So yeah, I think you did the right thing. :o

This is actually a pretty good idea for a thread.

I've been trying to cut down on my message board posts. Although it's not as bad as it used to be for me, it still can be distracting a lot of the time. Any major drama that goes on at message boards that can be carried over into your personal life, and that's not good at all.

One year ago this past Saturday, I hit a serious low and began counseling. I was overanalyzing everything, hated my existence, and felt like a failure for not having fulfilled what I believed was my true potential. Aside from internet stuff, I feel that I've had to let go of old emotions, old perceptions in order to move ahead. I began reading a lot of stuff on using your intuition and stuff like that. These past few months have been good for me. For the first time in my adult life, I feel genuinely happy, even if not I'm quite where I want to be, physically. I feel like things can only get better.

Now if I can just get my driver's license, everything will fall into place.

one day a few years ago (during my severance period when i go laid off from a pretty high paying job that i hated) i woke up in my bedroom and looked around and there was beer bottles, bags of dope, traces of other drugs, and just generally the sort of mess you'd find in a heavy drug users den. i was stunned by how far i had fallen out of the life i had lived before i just gave up.

i decided in that moment to get my shit together. i cut out drinking, all other drugs aside from pot (i just recently gave pot up too, sad to say but for awhile i really needed it to get by) and started taking on one problem at a time. i have been through a huge amount of shit since that morning, but every bit of trouble was directly related to fixing the problems in my life.

i have very few problems right now, there is a lot of change going on, and things are tough sometimes, but it is all the good kind of shit that hopefully will lead me to a peaceful, quiet existence.

but as for happiness, i really doubt i will ever be really happy again. most of the time i feel like a ghost in my own life.

Find something more fulfilling (alcohol, fist fighting, prostitutes) and run with that for a while. It got me out of a rut.

It put me into a different kind of rut, though; one where I am afraid to get checked for STDs and I can no longer trust myself with a bottle of alcohol to behave properly.

But I think that problem is better than being sad and lame.

Someone smart once said "if everyone stopped trying to be happy all the time they could probably have a pretty good time". To me that made a lot of sense.

Life is great when you simplify. Me, I started doing a ton of blow. I rarely need to sleep, and my home is now free of the clutter brought about by furniture, electronics, and appliances.

:lol

Fine advice there, KK. Who needs video games and stuff when you can have open sores on your genitals and a pickled liver?

If you do not have an adventurous youth you will regret having only memories of video games when you are in your forties.

I think I'd regret having cirrohisis and teritiary syphilis more.

Well, risks you have to take.

You only live once and my time will be spent beautifully.

It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.

But what about when the lions start lying down with the lambs? That'll be pretty lame.

Especially if you only get one day to relax with them.

And if you wind up with one of those lions at the zoo, forget it. At least that 100-year-old sheep is free. All he has to worry about is amorous New Zealanders.

Or Greeks (if its a male sheep (a goat))

The lion does lay down witht he lamb eventually when he is done eating them and readyt o rest.

Eat, sleep. Oh yeah, there's an adventurous creature. Boooring.

When I see some asshole blitzed out of his skull drunkenly making a pass at a some girl, apes usually come to mind more than lions do.

I'd rather be in my forties and still be capable of having fun and being adventurous than giving into some idealized party life that most people think is what life is truly about. Yeah, I like my fun and I have it to, but there's no point into throwing your life away while you're young and impressionable and thinking that once you hit a certain age, your life vanishes. If you take care of yourself, you can be active and alert and full of joy no matter what age you are.

Me? I've been depressed and angry and bitter about my future as well. I'm going to get some counseling myself because I took a hard look at my problems and realized that I have anxiety and depression. I'm not sure how harsh, but I'm willing to go get them checked out. I guess I'm lucky: I never felt the need to do drugs or imbribe more than I could handle. But depression is a bitch.

The worst part about it to me is that it takes all the joy out of the cool things I do in life.

I think I'm happy, though I'm not really sure. Sometimes, in private moments...I just don't know who I am...I usually just push it aside, but somtimes I just don't know.
It seems like I always act how people expect me too, and usually that works, but it does leave me in an identity crisis...ah well, fuck it. I'm happy when I'm not thinking about who I am or something really shitty just happened, which is most of the time, so I've gotta stop thinking so much.
I'm just gonna have to try to hold my shit together over the next few months, and stay away from bad influences: In 2 months I'm turning 16, which means I will be able to legally buy alcohol, and in 2 months I will also be discovering wether I can pass into the next grade without a test, which would mean, that as long as my worst 3 grades hold a certain minimum, my grades won't count for shit. So I can't let myself go on a 4-month drinking binge, though I generally consider myself smart enough to resist tempatation, but who knows.
Enough whining, who else has got problems?

life is great when you know someone else is doing more poorly than you

like the nation of Haiti

I feel like shit so I'm going to give up a lot of my video games and internet things and reflect in the mountains.

Seriously.

Do not pursue happiness. Instead, find happiness in your pursuit.

Ah yes, the Russian Reversal philosophy.