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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Kitsa Jul 21st, 2009 06:13 PM

You could say you have herpes, which works until the horrible part where he says "no problem, me too"

Sam Jul 21st, 2009 06:13 PM

JUST BE YOURSELF AND YOU SHOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM MAKING HIM NOT WANT TO DATE YOU :rolleyes

Colonel Flagg Jul 21st, 2009 06:13 PM

If he's taking you to dinner, I'd say complain vociferously about whatever you've ordered, making a big show of insulting the waitperson, chef, or maitre'd. If it's a movie, talk nonstop during it, asking questions and giving away plot points. Especially helpful here is seeing the movie first before he takes you to it.

Works every time.

Tadao's suggestion is pretty good, too.

Poison Doom Jul 21st, 2009 06:19 PM

Complain all evening about your last boyfriend

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 06:23 PM

GTFO NEWB

Poison Doom Jul 21st, 2009 06:24 PM

Shut up, you already know dude.

Sam Jul 21st, 2009 06:25 PM

YEAH DUDE, YOU ALREADY FUCKING KNOW OKAY

Sam Jul 21st, 2009 06:26 PM

FUCK

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 06:27 PM

NEWB

Poison Doom Jul 21st, 2009 06:28 PM

Tardfuckers

Sam Jul 21st, 2009 06:28 PM

DUDE

Sam Jul 21st, 2009 06:28 PM

FUCKKK

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poison Doom (Post 638497)
Tardfuckers

One day I'll make sex time with ZQ, but not yet!

Poison Doom Jul 21st, 2009 06:31 PM

Asspies 4 life, yo.

Supafly345 Jul 21st, 2009 06:43 PM


MattJack Jul 21st, 2009 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supafly345 (Post 638507)

I WANT A FRANKENSTEIN DI*K :lol

MattJack Jul 21st, 2009 06:55 PM

I mean Munster di*k :(

Sam Jul 21st, 2009 06:56 PM

:lol

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 06:57 PM

Bobbit

elx Jul 21st, 2009 07:50 PM

thank you all for your input, I have taken each suggestion into careful consideration and come to the conclusion that unfortunately, none of them will work -

the std's won't work because he's my godbrother he knows me well enough to know that i wouldn't have one

being myself wouldn't work for the same reason because he knows me and still wants to go out (so buzz off applebrain :( )

the dinner won't work because we're going to the movies, and the movie is harry potter, so there's really no spoiling that can be done there

the phone thing won't work because we'll be in a theatre and i'm not allowed to have it on

and complaining about past relationships won't work because they are non-existant, which he knows

Kitsa Jul 21st, 2009 07:53 PM

I saw a commercial about a vacuum penis pump this morning.

Just putting that out there.

It was an infomercial actually.

Poison Doom Jul 21st, 2009 07:58 PM

Say you're on the rag and whine about cramps

The Leader Jul 21st, 2009 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 638517)
he's my godbrother

You need to make some friends.

elx Jul 21st, 2009 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poison Doom (Post 638519)
Say you're on the rag and whine about cramps

would that actually work? are guys so easily repulsed?

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Leader (Post 638520)
You need to make some friends.

i tried but sam blocked me :(

Poison Doom Jul 21st, 2009 08:44 PM

Blood spurting out of a hole they want to fuck turns off alot of guys. Unless he's like a total freak.

executioneer Jul 21st, 2009 08:52 PM

i'd work the whole "this is sort of borderline incestuous, isn't it?" angle myself

Poison Doom Jul 21st, 2009 08:57 PM

I'll pretend to be his sister if he's cute enough.

Colonel Flagg Jul 21st, 2009 09:37 PM

Just tell him the truth - you don't want to go out with him, and you'll see the movie and all, but that's it. What the "f" is the problem with that?

Throw in the "Let's just be friends" line - if he's got any brains at all, he'll drop you like a bad job.

Which is what you want, right?

Colonel Flagg Jul 21st, 2009 09:40 PM

Outside of drugs, alcohol or a wicked ass-beating, any suggestions on getting a "very nocturnal" 6-year old to sleep?

Just throwing it out there ....

Fathom Zero Jul 21st, 2009 09:42 PM

A good cry. Tell 'em Old Yeller's dead.

But seclusion in a room with nothing to do that they can't get out of always worked for me. If they get frustrated, better. They'll tire themselves out, get bored, and sleep.

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 09:46 PM

BED TIME STORIES! Read him Black Beauty. The one about the horse, not the other one.

Kitsa Jul 21st, 2009 09:50 PM

Start yawning and hope he/she is suggestible.

I made the mistake of watching "The Real Housewives of Orange County" today. It only reinforced my existing belief that if Orange County simply disappeared, the word would probably be better off.

Seriously. When one says to the other, "You look so pretty", she doesn't say "thanks, you too"...she says, "Oh, do I?!?"

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 09:52 PM

I agree, in fact all of Florida should disappear.

DevilWearsPrada Jul 21st, 2009 10:00 PM

orange county is in california

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 10:01 PM

http://www.orangecountyfl.net/cms/default.htm

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 10:02 PM

Fun Fact, Disneyland is in both Orange County's

Kitsa Jul 21st, 2009 10:13 PM

It's also in upstate NY; what the hell?

Tadao Jul 21st, 2009 10:17 PM

Oh yeah, I forgot about that one, that's where that OC Chopper place is I think.

Kitsa Jul 21st, 2009 10:20 PM

Yeah, it's next door to a factory my dad has to visit all the time. He said in the past 10 years they've built like crazy and now it's practically an amusement park when it used to just be a garage.

elx Jul 21st, 2009 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colonel Flagg (Post 638532)
Just tell him the truth - you don't want to go out with him, and you'll see the movie and all, but that's it. What the "f" is the problem with that?

Throw in the "Let's just be friends" line - if he's got any brains at all, he'll drop you like a bad job.

Which is what you want, right?

yes, i did tell him that i did not like him and did not want a boyfriend, but then my mother told him that i was just being shy. i also did not want to go on the date, but my mother had already accepted on my behalf and now it's too late to back out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colonel Flagg (Post 638535)
Outside of drugs, alcohol or a wicked ass-beating, any suggestions on getting a "very nocturnal" 6-year old to sleep?

Just throwing it out there ....

i don't have much experience with kids so this probably won't be helpful but you could always try it when all else fails

instead of attempting to get the child to sleep, just make it comfortable, show that it isn't a big deal to you and i think they'd just relax and eventually fall to sleep. instead of 'bed time' make it 'quiet time'.

that seems like it may work on kids, because in the little experience i do have, by trying to force the child to sleep and making a big thing of it they just become more stubborn and reluctant. just mentioning 'bedtime' can make them bounce off walls. :(

Kitsa Jul 21st, 2009 10:27 PM

Another thing is that kids assume all the best stuff happens after they go to sleep. Maybe if you did something super-boring, the kid would lose interest.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 21st, 2009 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colonel Flagg (Post 638535)
Outside of drugs, alcohol or a wicked ass-beating, any suggestions on getting a "very nocturnal" 6-year old to sleep?

Just throwing it out there ....

Tell him to do jumping jacks until he's tired.

The Leader Jul 21st, 2009 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 638554)
yes, i did tell him that i did not like him and did not want a boyfriend, but then my mother told him that i was just being shy. i also did not want to go on the date, but my mother had already accepted on my behalf and now it's too late to back out.

I'm pretty sure that this isn't a real date and that your mother is just trying to get you to have some sort of actual human interaction, which is ironic considering the fact that she chose to home school you.

Colonel Flagg Jul 21st, 2009 11:21 PM

Thanks for the suggestions - I guess doing work on the computer was a good choice, because she's out for the count. YE GODS but she's a tough cookie. (I might have met my match here.) ;) I don't know if this counts as doing something really boring, but maybe ....

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 638554)
yes, i did tell him that i did not like him and did not want a boyfriend, but then my mother told him that i was just being shy. i also did not want to go on the date, but my mother had already accepted on my behalf and now it's too late to back out.

Excuse me, but your mom accepts dates for you? And he thinks this is OK? Maybe he should date your mom. :eek

If you feel you've got no choice, then go, and make the best of a lousy situation. At the end of the date, shake his hand and say "Thanks."

Colonel Flagg Jul 21st, 2009 11:21 PM

[dblpst]

Fathom Zero Jul 21st, 2009 11:24 PM

Tell him to fuckin' beat it.

Aaarg Jul 21st, 2009 11:26 PM


Watched this last night. Tak Sakaguchi is pretty awesome. Just sayin'.

Terra Jul 21st, 2009 11:31 PM

Jesus. I hate when I'm about to post some useless form of advice and some asshole jumps in and puts up a f*cking poster.

Aaarg Jul 21st, 2009 11:34 PM

F*ck me?! No, f*ck you!

Terra Jul 21st, 2009 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaarg (Post 638572)
F*ck me?! No, f*ck you!


Oh! So YOU'RE that ASSHOLE!

Aaarg Jul 21st, 2009 11:37 PM

Assh*le, you mean.

Terra Jul 21st, 2009 11:41 PM

"Fucktard" from days gone by might get me banned. I'm getting twitchy fingers on the keyboard to toss that out in your case, matey!

Aaarg Jul 21st, 2009 11:48 PM

i don't belong here and you can't go with me you'll only slow me down until i send for you don't wear your hair that way if you cannot be true i'll understand

Terra Jul 22nd, 2009 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaarg (Post 638577)
i don't belong here and you can't go with me you'll only slow me down until i send for you don't wear your hair that way if you cannot be true i'll understand

ohsnap
idontsavvy

executioneer Jul 22nd, 2009 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 638554)
yes, i did tell him that i did not like him and did not want a boyfriend, but then my mother told him that i was just being shy. i also did not want to go on the date, but my mother had already accepted on my behalf and now it's too late to back out

the hell it is. ditch that bitch

Colonel Flagg Jul 22nd, 2009 12:55 AM

Listen to Willie. He knows..... :hypno

elx Jul 22nd, 2009 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Leader (Post 638563)
I'm pretty sure that this isn't a real date and that your mother is just trying to get you to have some sort of actual human interaction, which is ironic considering the fact that she chose to home school you.

you are incorrect in all of your assumptions sir

Tadao Jul 22nd, 2009 01:39 AM


Dimnos Jul 22nd, 2009 02:11 AM

At this point Elx your best option is to tell him the truth. That you dont like him yada yada yada but also explain that your mother is telling him all this other shit that just isnt true and you dont know why. If this just doesnt seam like a good option you can always be supper clingy and talk about how you want to get married and have a ton of kids and so on. Commitment scares young guys off more than bleeding vag. Im sure he would be happy to look at one bleeding or not.

executioneer Jul 22nd, 2009 02:16 AM

he lost minn. AND dc, i guess all those eyebots broadcasting his message didn't really help that much

Tadao Jul 22nd, 2009 02:19 AM

I like how the Electoral vote and the Popular vote are so far from each other. I wonder what each states popular vote count is.

Kitsa Jul 22nd, 2009 03:05 AM

I feel for ya, elx...I had a stalker-ish guy in college and for the longest time my mom accepted dates on my behalf when he'd call my house. It sucked.

Esuohlim Jul 22nd, 2009 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terra (Post 638585)
No. Belay that query.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terra (Post 638588)
Milhouse should come in here at any time.

Is that why you came back? To show me you can now use a thesaurus?

COSMICALLY SPEAKING?

executioneer Jul 22nd, 2009 06:19 AM

guys if i post a link to a cafepress store that has tshirts to buy and say "HEY BUY A TSHIRT OK" do you think i will get a infraction

executioneer Jul 22nd, 2009 06:22 AM


Zhukov Jul 22nd, 2009 06:53 AM

That's a cool t-shirt. I'd wear it.

Colonel Flagg Jul 22nd, 2009 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 638538)
You would be one of the few, didn't he take all but 1 state?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 638601)
Yeah, it was that bad. He won everything but Minnesota in 84

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 638606)
he lost minn. AND dc, i guess all those eyebots broadcasting his message didn't really help that much

Just shows my incomplete knowledge of history. I thought that the popular vote that year was a bit closer than in '72, but I totally forgot about the landslide in the Electoral College. Fritz ran a horrible campaign that year, though - I think Ferraro would have been a better presidential candidate for the Dems that year.

Nice graphic T.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 638609)
I mistook this [picture thread] for the chat thread. EXCUSE ME.

Apparently so did I. My apologies Fathom.

Kitsa Jul 22nd, 2009 08:55 AM

Saw courtroom testimony this morning from the trial of that Peoria pitcher who threw a ball into the stands during the fight at the Dayton Dragons game.

They showed an x-ray where the ball hit the guy hard enough to leave clear imprints of the stitching in his skull.

Amazingly, the guy who was hit (a fan in the stands, complete innocent bystander) only suffered a concussion. He couldn't read for 4 days and he still gets headaches. The ball hit him in the temple.

The Peoria player who threw the ball claims that he was aiming for the padding beside the dugout to "scare the Dragons players" during the fight. Immediately after he threw the ball, he got taken down by just about everyone on the Dragons and had the shit beaten out of him.

He's up for 2 counts of felonious assault. I completely believe that a baseball in the hands of a professional pitcher could be a deadly weapon if he wanted it to be.


Womti Jul 22nd, 2009 11:59 AM

hey youse guyse better watch it now cuz my Chris Hansen avittar is back so dont try any funny predator tricks you creeps might have up youre sleeves. I'm talking seriouse intarnet businesses here! >:>:
this whole post is mainly directed at Hickman BTW >:

Zhukov Jul 22nd, 2009 12:22 PM

I imagine all the red states to be under Soviet control.

Sam Jul 22nd, 2009 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 638521)
i tried but sam blocked me :(

:rolleyes

Tadao Jul 22nd, 2009 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 638625)
Saw courtroom testimony this morning from the trial of that Peoria pitcher who threw a ball into the stands during the fight at the Dayton Dragons game.

They showed an x-ray where the ball hit the guy hard enough to leave clear imprints of the stitching in his skull.

Amazingly, the guy who was hit (a fan in the stands, complete innocent bystander) only suffered a concussion. He couldn't read for 4 days and he still gets headaches. The ball hit him in the temple.

The Peoria player who threw the ball claims that he was aiming for the padding beside the dugout to "scare the Dragons players" during the fight. Immediately after he threw the ball, he got taken down by just about everyone on the Dragons and had the shit beaten out of him.

He's up for 2 counts of felonious assault. I completely believe that a baseball in the hands of a professional pitcher could be a deadly weapon if he wanted it to be.


Doesn't sound like he has very good aim under pressure.

Kitsa Jul 22nd, 2009 04:12 PM

was that what the deleted Sam/stalker thread was about?

Sam Jul 22nd, 2009 09:39 PM

No :lol

At first that is who I thought it was. :\

The Leader Jul 22nd, 2009 10:05 PM

It was Jonathon Clement, wasn't it?

Sam Jul 22nd, 2009 10:08 PM

DON'T EVEN SAY HIS NAME, YOU'LL SUMMON HIM MUCH LIKE BEETLEJUICE. >:

The Leader Jul 22nd, 2009 10:15 PM

Jonathon Clement, Jonathon Clement, Jonathon Clement!

Fathom Zero Jul 22nd, 2009 11:47 PM



HELL CARNIVAL

Brandon Jul 23rd, 2009 03:27 AM

Who are all you people?

Esuohlim Jul 23rd, 2009 05:02 AM

Everyone is Pub Lover

Colonel Flagg Jul 23rd, 2009 11:16 AM

I'm not. Or am I?

Fathom Zero Jul 23rd, 2009 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 638620)

HIGH FIVE

elx Jul 23rd, 2009 12:51 PM

You have a new private message.

Sender: wenjia901
Title: 'Watch 3,000+ Channels PC TV'

Click OK to view it, or cancel to hide this prompt.

why is this the only PM i get :(

Kitsa Jul 23rd, 2009 01:17 PM

once you stop caring about who sends you PM's and why, you'll be a lot happier.


And yes, I know that apostrophe isn't right but I was counting on some idiot here to make a PMS joke.

Colonel Flagg Jul 23rd, 2009 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elx (Post 638761)
why is this the only PM i get :(

Ah, SpamŽ; the other white meat.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 638764)
once you stop caring about who sends you PM's and why, you'll be a lot happier.

It's worth a try - nothing else has worked.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jul 23rd, 2009 04:21 PM

www.google.com logo looks awesome today!

Tadao Jul 23rd, 2009 04:25 PM

If your a flaming homo

Dimnos Jul 23rd, 2009 05:37 PM

I would like to motion for the boycott of all threads created by Poison Doom. Would anyone like to second this motion?

Poison Doom Jul 23rd, 2009 05:43 PM

You cannot defeat me.

stevetothepast Jul 23rd, 2009 06:00 PM

I will second it, only because his avatar makes me uncomfortable.>:

stevetothepast Jul 23rd, 2009 06:00 PM

or her avatar?

elx Jul 23rd, 2009 06:01 PM

thirded, make it go awayyyyyyyyy

Poison Doom Jul 23rd, 2009 06:01 PM

Whichever turns you on baby.

Tadao Jul 23rd, 2009 06:05 PM

It reminds me of something I would have sucked out with a vacuum.

Poison Doom Jul 23rd, 2009 06:06 PM

We can't post abortion pictures here can we?

Kitsa Jul 23rd, 2009 06:28 PM

fourthed.

Poison Doom Jul 23rd, 2009 07:09 PM

You're too cute to be so stuck up:(

Poison Doom Jul 23rd, 2009 07:29 PM

Ok, ok. If there's a problem I will gladly discuss it with you. I want you people to like me because I'm going to be here for a little while.
What have I done to offend?

elx Jul 23rd, 2009 07:49 PM

I made this earlier in the afternoon while I was babysitting - http://veganyumyum.com/2009/04/apple-pie-coffee-cake/

SOOOO GOOD!

Kitsa Jul 23rd, 2009 07:51 PM

I'm making zucchini parmesan with garlic bread. It smells good so far.


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