Shit Fuck. >:

Willie, I guarantee I will never post an accurate account of me having sex in one of your threads.

I need the door open for lies though.

I post so many of the lies.

THEY CAN'T HELP IT AND I CAN'T BLAME 'EM SINCE I GOT FAMOUS, BUT BITCH, I GOT MONEY TO BLOW

GETTIN' IT IN, LETTIN' THESE BILLS FALL ALL OVER YOUR SKIN

I GOT MONEY TO BLOW

BOY I WILL TELL YOU STORIES YOU WISH YOU NEVER HEARD

One of my ex-girlfriends talked to God and God talked back, apparently this also extended to while we were screwing

This means that while I was having sex with a girl she thought she was having a private one-on-once conversation withGod

That's the kind of shit that precedes you being surprise STABBED TO DEATH, and I learned this while I was breaking up with her

One of my exes turned out to have a weird, weird, weird obsession with "Asian ball-joint dolls" and liked to pretend that I was "one of her dolls" while we had sex


Once again, a creepy factoid that I learned afterwards

Another girl I slept with at a party seemed normal until she somehow got my number and started calling me repeatedly and telling me that I was a victim of identity theft because there was someone who looked exactly like me except his hair had "blonde tips"

And those are only the stories that I'm going to tell you. I am a cosmic weirdness magnet, and pretty much the only sane person I ever had a "committed relationship" wit someone working as a nude model, which is a weird story in and of itself

lololololololol :artstudents

forgive me! :(

I went and met people from the internet tonight. it was fun. too bad you internet people are so far away that none of you even know what duck sauce is. :(

except maybe colonelflagg <3

I thought I had some Plum Sauce in the pantry but it is Mango Chutney. :(

There's nothing wrong with mango chutney, man.

Considering that in accordance with German cultural norms, in order to have sex with a woman I would have to first puncture the right-hand side of her with my mating spike and inject her with my seed while saluting the heavens with a Sieg Heil at the same time, both of which are frowned upon in contemporary American society, you have no need to worry about me ever talking about it in any of your threads much less actually doing it in a close-minded nation such as this one.

Barbra streisand


OOHWHEEOO-OOH-OOH-OOOOHOOOOOH

or their first single

I spent the day in the ER. Pretty much all that came out of it was that my gallbladder got a clean bill of health and I figured out I never want a "GI Cocktail" again.

This was pretty much my view all day.

Ugh, I hate going to the ER. A few years ago I got attacked by a stray dog and had to go there and ended up waiting three hours before someone would see me. I was tempted to put some alka-seltzer tablets in my mouth and run around the waiting room screaming THANKS A LOT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM!

Sounds like me and neglecting my dental hygiene. Infected tooth + really bad allergies = cannot breathe through nasal passages.

Except yours sounds alot worse. Glad you're okay, Kitsa.

Thanks. Well, it's not my gallbladder, anyway.

I used to see GI cocktails given all the time and never really thought about it. Basically, it's maalox plus some sort of lidocaine syrup, and you drink it. First of all, it tastes fucking horrible. There's a little mint to it, but not much to go on. The entire time you're trying to force it down, your body is saying "noooo, no, I don't think so". But you get it down and then you realize there is absolutely zero sensation in your tongue and throat. Just nothing there.

That sounds a lot more fun than it is. In reality, your mouth is filling up with spit and you think you're swallowing but can't be sure because you can't feel it. So until it wears off (took me about 45 minutes), it feels like either being choked or suffocated to death. Man, I hated that.