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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Fathom Zero Sep 30th, 2011 11:28 PM

yep yep yep

On the PC.

The game is okay. Imbalanced to favor the defenders, but okay. Quite pretty on my computer. Battlelog is utter horseshit and the reason I will never buy BF3, which is a tragedy since I was really looking forward to a grey-and-brown-bullet-explosion-gritty-manshoot for the first time in a while. And the console versions look like balls by comparison.

ThrashO Sep 30th, 2011 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 744886)
Baths are gross. I'm pretty sure the answer is copious amounts of Southern Comfort.

Bath's are only gross if you pee in them.

poop is ok though.

executioneer Oct 1st, 2011 12:09 AM

so i have important news re: pram maven, guys

Sam Oct 1st, 2011 12:10 AM

Ugh.

executioneer Oct 1st, 2011 12:11 AM

the news is he's banned

Sam Oct 1st, 2011 12:12 AM

Yay

executioneer Oct 1st, 2011 12:13 AM


Emu Oct 1st, 2011 12:14 AM

banned from the forums...

but he still has the password... to my heart

Emu Oct 1st, 2011 12:15 AM

just flipped on the i-bapery switch

woah

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 1st, 2011 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 744939)
yep yep yep

On the PC.

The game is okay. Imbalanced to favor the defenders, but okay. Quite pretty on my computer. Battlelog is utter horseshit and the reason I will never buy BF3, which is a tragedy since I was really looking forward to a grey-and-brown-bullet-explosion-gritty-manshoot for the first time in a while. And the console versions look like balls by comparison.

Get it on the box ass/

Fathom Zero Oct 1st, 2011 12:23 AM

I don't even have Xbox Live Gold. If you want to send me one of those nifty 12+1 month subscription cards, I'd be more than happy to.

Esuohlim Oct 1st, 2011 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 744958)

lol

I sure hope his infraction points are actually his phone number

Esuohlim Oct 1st, 2011 12:34 AM

OH NEVERMIND IT IS A NERD NUMBER :x

Fathom Zero Oct 1st, 2011 12:40 AM

:lol

ThrashO Oct 1st, 2011 12:42 AM

It's like crawling out of the sewer's to see daylight.

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 1st, 2011 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 744962)
I don't even have Xbox Live Gold. If you want to send me one of those nifty 12+1 month subscription cards, I'd be more than happy to.

I would have given you the 2 day gold pass to live with my black ops but I traded it in. I bet the person who bought it won't even try it. What a waste.

executioneer Oct 1st, 2011 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 744968)
OH NEVERMIND IT IS A NERD NUMBER :x

i held down 9 as long as i thought was necessary, and that's what came out :shrug

Rongi Oct 1st, 2011 02:09 AM

GW should banned too, considering he's from portland too

Nah jk hes ok i guess. He should prob stop doing heroin tho

Shyandquietguy Oct 1st, 2011 02:31 AM

If only Pram knew the secret to acceptance was drugs.

executioneer Oct 1st, 2011 03:32 AM

all you need is drugs wah wah wawawa -j.lennon

kahljorn Oct 1st, 2011 06:33 AM

:lol at pram trying to get the google links removed

Pentegarn Oct 1st, 2011 07:02 AM

Well it was a long journey but probably the right thing to do, we had done about all we could to him, maybe he can now move on with his (attempt at a) life.

Kitsa Oct 1st, 2011 08:10 AM

he tried to help there at the end :(

sort of.

In his Pram Maven-y way.

Emu Oct 1st, 2011 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 745012)
he tried to help there at the end :(

sort of.

In his Pram Maven-y way.

I didn't actually read his post but I think what he was trying to 'help' with was a backhanded way to get i-mockery to not appear from google searches and hurt traffic. a dangerous undertaking

Pentegarn Oct 1st, 2011 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emu (Post 745016)
I didn't actually read his post but I think what he was trying to 'help' with was a backhanded way to get i-mockery to not appear from google searches and hurt traffic. a dangerous undertaking

Close, he was trying to get all the links in our sigs that pointed to his threads removed. (which 'coincidentally' has been his goal since his return.)

ThrashO Oct 1st, 2011 03:15 PM

REPUTATION UPDATE (CONGRATS CHROJON)

Emu Oct 1st, 2011 03:24 PM

:lol

Sam Oct 1st, 2011 03:25 PM

GIVE HIM LOTS OF PICKLES THRASHO BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T HE'LL TAKE IT AWAY FROM EVERYONE.

Kitsa Oct 1st, 2011 03:34 PM

That could've been, too. I was distracted when I read it.

HickMan Oct 1st, 2011 04:02 PM

Hey guys how's it goin? I'll be leaving tomorrow evening for what will be the better part of two months. I'll post on here if I ever get the chance, who knows. But I <3 you all.

Emu Oct 1st, 2011 04:04 PM

Be safe :<

HickMan Oct 1st, 2011 04:08 PM

I just found this on stumbleupon:



P.S.

Thx Emu! If I get dead the few friends I have on facebook that are on here will find out!

Chojin Oct 1st, 2011 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PM from Pram Maven
Hi Mods,

I figured out your spam problem in terms of why it is happening and how you can stop it cold. You might not want to post this in public in case I'm right and you have to admit that I'm not stupid to everyone you've convinced.

First, why it is happening: when you linked to my thread in your sigs, the resulting link juice was building up and interpreted as spam by... you guessed it, SPAMMERS!

They saw all those thousands of yummy backlinks from I-mockery to Google to mean that the I-mockery/forum was A) very popular, B) very trusted by Google, and C) very vulnerable to being spammed. In essence, they saw SERIOUS LINK JUICE to exploit, and when they discovered those links were influencing the Google SERPS, they started posting.

To fix this, all you need to do is:

1. Place a "no follow" attribute in the source code of the front page of the forum; and

2. Make threads and posts invisible to anyone not logged in. You could technically make the thread titles still visible, but spammers could still use the keywords to target I-mockery or its affiliate sites and outgoing links. As long as the "no follow" tag is on the forum but not on the site itself, it will still be easy for people to find both the site and the forum on Google.

In the meantime, disabling post SIGNATURES to posters not logged in will stop *most* of the spam. Those other two things will stop it all the way. This is what I discovered we could do on another forum I was on and it really worked.

I realize this will interfere with your ability to Google bomb me from I-mockery, but you can't have it both ways. Either torment me through your sigs, or put up with SPAM. Whether you realized it or not, Tadao's idea to massively link to my thread is what caused the spammers to target this forum in the first place (call it Google Karma), so you can blame him for the current spam problem.

To reiterate, spammers must have first seen that the signatures were hiding something, and then they saw the backlinks underneath. Their spiders might even have "hitched a ride" on them, discovered that Google indexed the links in its results and said "Wow, I-mockery is a gold mine! Get your picks".

I did not encourage this situation, it just sort of happened concurrently with my exit. Consider it "The Pram Maven Curse". Anyway, all of the above info should keep your spammers at bay.

Good luck,

Don Carlson
PROBLEM SOLVER

PS: Hit me up on Yahoo sometime when you get this working. I like to fix things and solve puzzles. It would be great if, in the process of leaving, I actually made a positive contribution to the forum you hate me on. ;)

all we have to do to solve our spam problem is delete the things pram maven doesn't like. it's so simple and logical when you think about it. consider this post my official apology.

ThrashO Oct 1st, 2011 04:21 PM

CONSIDER IT "THE PRAM MAVEN CURSE" BECAUSE OUR FORUM WILL FOREVER BE RAPED BY SPAM BOTS.

YOU CAN ALSO CALL ME THE CHAMELEON.

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 1st, 2011 04:22 PM

Oh man :lol I wish Pram would go hang out with that crazy guy Rez brought up.

Emu Oct 1st, 2011 04:30 PM

call it Google Karma

Emu Oct 1st, 2011 04:33 PM

link juice

Kitsa Oct 1st, 2011 05:12 PM

Hickman- next time you're stranded at Bagram let me know. I gots the hookup, sometimes.

Kitsa Oct 1st, 2011 05:15 PM

Also, there used to be some sort of thread for this but my brain's so burned out from last week that I can't remember where it was. So here's this

link to clearance monster paint-your-own-bobblehead set.

kahljorn Oct 1st, 2011 05:42 PM

i bet pram maven posted a link to this website on like a spam bot index or something

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 1st, 2011 05:53 PM

or he interfaced with the spambot system like the end of the matrix.

Shyandquietguy Oct 1st, 2011 06:17 PM

Aw man, Hickman. I am cutting a pizza in your honor. Quarters or eighths?

HickMan Oct 1st, 2011 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 745055)
Hickman- next time you're stranded at Bagram let me know. I gots the hookup, sometimes.

I'll keep that in mind. I stay on BAF most of the time on one of the SOTF compounds. I don't normally leave unless it's absolutely necessary. The rest of Bagram is horribly gay. "Hey where's my salute?" "We're in a goddamn WARZONE". I never understood it.

And Shyandquietguy...what kind of pizza?

Shyandquietguy Oct 1st, 2011 07:05 PM

Digerno four meat ultimate pizza.

Kitsa Oct 1st, 2011 08:09 PM

turkey potpies, cheap white wine and some oldschool Dr. Who, here. Shaping up to be a mighty classy evening.

k0k0 Oct 1st, 2011 08:28 PM

I'll be back when I stop hallucinating.

Love,
k0k0

PS. What the pickle?

ThrashO Oct 1st, 2011 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost (Post 745059)
or he interfaced with the spambot system like the end of the matrix.

HUMAN YOU PLEASURE ME WITH YOUR ASSORTMENT OF ALPHABET CHARACTERS. I WISH TO PRESENT YOU WITH A PIXELIZED CARTOON DRAWING OF CUCUMIS SATIVUS INFUSED WITH FERMENTED ETHANOL TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS OF JOY.

THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE. ACCEPT THIS -> :)

Zhukov Oct 2nd, 2011 04:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 745055)
Hickman- next time you're stranded at Bagram let me know. I gots the hookup, sometimes.

That really sounds like you are offering sex there, Kitsa.

HickMan Oct 2nd, 2011 09:04 AM

I's takes what I's can gets

Kitsa Oct 2nd, 2011 10:14 AM

Wasn't offering sex, just so we're clear on that. I was offering a contact who flies out of there all the time.

Kitsa Oct 2nd, 2011 11:38 AM

Also, what you can get? Thanks.

HickMan Oct 2nd, 2011 03:50 PM

ANYWAY, what does your contact do exactly? Does he defend FREEDOM?

Kitsa Oct 2nd, 2011 05:41 PM

Freedom and alcohol, I believe.

k0k0 Oct 2nd, 2011 05:50 PM

My panic attacks are back after being gone for years. All cuz of this fucking surgery. I hallucinate for 3 days straight, then get panic attacks that send me to the hospital. And my nose smells weird (like bad body odor) and yellow/red bloody mucus keeps coming out of my mouth hole. This bites.

Shyandquietguy Oct 2nd, 2011 05:50 PM

Does he fly to Thailand frequently?

Koko: :x aw man I am sorry to hear that. :(

k0k0 Oct 2nd, 2011 05:55 PM

The worst part about it is, when I came out of the hallucinations, I realized that I had cut my hair to look like a lesbian and shaved off one side of my mustache/a lot of my beard. I had to cut the rest to even it out.

Chojin Oct 2nd, 2011 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 745125)
My panic attacks are back after being gone for years. All cuz of this fucking surgery. I hallucinate for 3 days straight, then get panic attacks that send me to the hospital. And my nose smells weird (like bad body odor) and yellow/red bloody mucus keeps coming out of my mouth hole. This bites.

quickly, make some more rom hacks while you're inspired

k0k0 Oct 2nd, 2011 07:03 PM

incoming:

Super Dick Fuck Asshole Bros Part 3: Revenge of the Nazi Pussy on Crystal Meth

Emu Oct 2nd, 2011 07:10 PM

sounds rad

Fathom Zero Oct 2nd, 2011 07:22 PM

I WANT TO BE A DRUG SNIFFING DOG SO I CAN SNORT COKE ALL DAY LONG

Emu Oct 2nd, 2011 07:55 PM

So, is Pub Lover dead or what

Fathom Zero Oct 2nd, 2011 07:58 PM

He leaves and comes back weeks/months at a time.

Fathom Zero Oct 2nd, 2011 08:04 PM

Milhouse, you should listen to Roy Montgomery or Dadamah. I think you'd really enjoy them.

Pentegarn Oct 2nd, 2011 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 745129)
incoming:

Super Dick Fuck Asshole Bros Part 3: Revenge of the Nazi Pussy on Crystal Meth

You know by the third one they lose sight of what made the first two so great. It used to be about the SuperDick Fuck Asshole Brothers until they went all commercial :p

Rongi Oct 2nd, 2011 09:46 PM

40 OUNCE IN MY LAP AND I"M FREEZIN MY BALLS

so apparently i told a bus full of people that my ex girlfriend liked anal sex last weekend while i was really drunk

ugh

Pentegarn Oct 2nd, 2011 09:59 PM

That makes me :lol because I am thinking of how that must have looked from the sober passenger perspective.

Rongi Oct 2nd, 2011 10:04 PM

Ok so here's what happened

Some girl I was with was talking about how anal sex is gross and blah blah blah (idk how the subject came up, i hope i didn't bring it up because that's such a grimey thing to bring up out of nowhere). so i VERY LOUDLY started to talk about how much my ex liked to have anal sex. granted, i was far from the only drunk person on the bus so hopefully everyone forgot about it

but those sober people must have been really grossed out at what an asshole i was being

basically i'm never drinking again ever

k0k0 Oct 2nd, 2011 10:15 PM

Hey, you're just bragging dude. Nothing wrong with that. And really, it doesn't matter if nobody you know was there. I was taking this chick to see some stupid statue of stevie ray vaugn downtown because she really loved him. There were tourists all over the place, so I pulled my dick out and pissed all over the statue. I wasn't gonna see any of them ever again and I didn't know any of them. And the chick was revolted, but hey, whatever.

ThrashO Oct 2nd, 2011 10:31 PM

I HAVE SIMILAR EXP.

I finished up this fence today for a customer, then got stoned out of my mind. My other job calls and goes "Wanna work tonight at 5?" I say "Sure"

So I'm relaxing and I look at the clock and go "Fuck i'm gonna be late!" so I'm getting all my shit together, I have the wrong shoes and the wrong shirt, and I show up to work...

...2 and a half hours early.

Then I go check out petsmart for a good 2 hours (it was totally worth it), come back and this is how my first table goes:

"I'll have the filet, medium rare, asparagus and a house salad with honey mustard no onions or tomatoes."

"what"

It's the first time I've smoked in about 3 months, and it was a good $20 worth all at once. I originally wasn't working until 8PM at night the next day (32 hours to myself)

Kitsa Oct 2nd, 2011 11:19 PM

Every time someone brings up anal, all I can think of is that Tucker Max story where he plied a woman with seafood and booze and she ended up shitting all over him or something.

ThrashO Oct 2nd, 2011 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 745159)
Every time someone brings up anal, all I can think of is that Tucker Max story where he plied a woman with seafood and booze and she ended up shitting all over him or something.

boner initiate

Rongi Oct 2nd, 2011 11:30 PM

tucker max deserves to have all the poop in the world piled on top of him

Kitsa Oct 2nd, 2011 11:35 PM

There will always be Tucker Maxes in the world.

ThrashO Oct 2nd, 2011 11:52 PM

so im reading posts on i-mockery forums and as im laughing I laugh so hard I start shitting wtf

Kitsa Oct 2nd, 2011 11:56 PM

I think Pram Maven needs to come back so you have a sense of purpose again :(

k0k0 Oct 2nd, 2011 11:59 PM

I couldn't watch always sunny the other night. My face hurts really horribly when I smile or laugh. I can't just watch half of it and then come back to it, I gotta watch the whole thing because of my selective ocd. So I got to the part where frank sings the song "I wouldn't do it with anyone younger than my daughter, can't be kids, they gotta be big" about 10 times. I eventually just said screw it and dealt with the pain because I really wanted to watch the episode. I hope this face pain goes away fast. I can't watch anything funny.

ThrashO Oct 3rd, 2011 01:18 AM

k0k0 I feel for you bro. When I was 12 I got into a bike accident and destroyed my upper lip and nose. I had 20 stitches in my nose, lip and inside my mouth and my dad thought it was a good idea to take me to see Scary Movie.

When the gym teachers nut sack fell out I felt about 10 stitches pop.

Colonel Flagg Oct 3rd, 2011 03:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThrashO (Post 745166)
so im reading posts on i-mockery forums and as im laughing I laugh so hard I start shitting wtf

I-mockery - the sure cure for constipation. :bestthread

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThrashO (Post 745171)
k0k0 I feel for you bro. When I was 12 I got into a bike accident and destroyed my upper lip and nose. I had 20 stitches in my nose, lip and inside my mouth and my dad thought it was a good idea to take me to see Scary Movie.

When the gym teachers nut sack fell out I felt about 10 stitches pop.

:sympathypain

Zhukov Oct 3rd, 2011 04:43 AM

I thought you said that your teacher's nut fell out of its sack.

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 3rd, 2011 10:37 AM

THE I'S HAVE IT

Aaarg Oct 3rd, 2011 10:49 AM

i spent the last month making trips back to my previous house from the new one, slowly moving everything.

so, several trips into the mountains. with each trip, the greenery got less green and the weather dropped a few more degrees.

i fucking hate the fall. fuck you. dicks.

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 3rd, 2011 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by k0k0 (Post 745170)
I couldn't watch always sunny the other night. My face hurts really horribly when I smile or laugh. I can't just watch half of it and then come back to it, I gotta watch the whole thing because of my selective ocd. So I got to the part where frank sings the song "I wouldn't do it with anyone younger than my daughter, can't be kids, they gotta be big" about 10 times. I eventually just said screw it and dealt with the pain because I really wanted to watch the episode. I hope this face pain goes away fast. I can't watch anything funny.

You definitely shouldn't watch it until fully healed then.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThrashO (Post 745171)
k0k0 I feel for you bro. When I was 12 I got into a bike accident and destroyed my upper lip and nose. I had 20 stitches in my nose, lip and inside my mouth and my dad thought it was a good idea to take me to see Scary Movie.

When the gym teachers nut sack fell out I felt about 10 stitches pop.

:ONENIGHTINCHYNA

10,000 Volt Ghost Oct 3rd, 2011 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaarg (Post 745193)
i spent the last month making trips back to my previous house from the new one, slowly moving everything.

so, several trips into the mountains. with each trip, the greenery got less green and the weather dropped a few more degrees.

i fucking hate the fall. fuck you. dicks.

I love the fall but we only get like 2-3 weeks of it a year. The seasons here are WINTER, WINTER, WINTER, CONSTRUCTION.

Emu Oct 3rd, 2011 11:17 AM

Esuohlim question: Why is the Milhouse in your signature normal flesh colored instead of yellow. I just noticed that. >:

Supafly345 Oct 3rd, 2011 11:37 AM

FUN FACT: Camacazio's blog is the top google result for "BONERS AHOY"

Aaarg Oct 3rd, 2011 11:41 AM

i hate winter it makes me want to die

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emu (Post 745198)
Esuohlim question: Why is the Milhouse in your signature normal flesh colored instead of yellow. I just noticed that. >:

is it still hugh laurie? you know, house?

Colonel Flagg Oct 3rd, 2011 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supafly345 (Post 745199)
FUN FACT: Camacazio's blog is the top google result for "BONERS AHOY"

Is he going to sic the "Google Police" on us?

Kitsa Oct 3rd, 2011 03:03 PM

Winter is three months of solid pain. Boring, dark, can't go anywhere or do anything, cold, depressing pain.

I try to temper this with the thought that that leaves 9 months that aren't brutal, but it doesn't help much.

Also, I have a molar that I just -know- is just about to crack in half. I've been losing chunks off it for a while and it's begun that low electrical hum that signals trouble. As I think that particular one is more metal than tooth, this won't go well. That's adding to my particularly depressed state atm.

Why do they have to make those delicious nature valley peanut butter granola bars as hard as fucking cement :(

k0k0 Oct 3rd, 2011 03:08 PM

I'm down to 180 pounds. I eat once a day and since it's only gotta be soft food and no dairy, I've been pretty much eating a bowl of potato salad once a day. Maybe an egg or two when I take my antibiotic. I am trying to drink apple juice to get a few fruits in there, but god damn, I just want to be well. This year is really sucking.

This is the complaints thread right?

I swear when we all get old and if we're still posting on this board, this is gonna be a sad, sad place.

executioneer Oct 3rd, 2011 03:21 PM

MY NEW HIPS GIVING ME TROUBLE :imockery2020

Fathom Zero Oct 3rd, 2011 03:32 PM

I'm still 130 lbs wet.

k0k0 Oct 3rd, 2011 03:38 PM

I was 150 at 20 and I looked like a skeleton. I don't wanna get back down there. Unless it's next halloween. That could be scary. Anorexics have it so easy on halloween. Loin cloth and instant skeleton.

Fathom Zero Oct 3rd, 2011 03:44 PM

I fit into tight spaces. :D Now excuse me while I finish off this bowl of pizzas.

Kitsa Oct 3rd, 2011 04:07 PM

When I was a little kid, I was really skinny and had long, gangly legs. My parents enrolled me in this modeling class/charm school sort of scenario and I was the youngest one there (and I hated it). One day, they had a discussion about what we all hated about our bodies. I remember some teenage girl saying "Oh, I hate how when I sit down my thighs just plop and spread out", or something like that, and looking down where my thighs were so skinny that even resting on the chair they didn't spread out.

Yeah, that was the last time I was skinny, basically.

Zomboid Oct 3rd, 2011 06:22 PM

I think I'm getting closer to 170. I was around 150 for a while there, and I kept getting told that I looked unhealthy :\.

Being 230 at 15 years old and 5'6 in height was pretty gross. Note: I haven't been 5'6 for a long time.

Supafly345 Oct 3rd, 2011 06:49 PM

So you must be like 6'4 then if we are using the canadian pubescence cycle.

Fathom Zero Oct 3rd, 2011 06:52 PM

So we're doing the fat/sick bit now, huh?

Kitsa Oct 3rd, 2011 06:53 PM

I don't understand your question.

MarioRPG Oct 3rd, 2011 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fathom Zero (Post 745217)
I'm still 130 lbs wet.

I'm the same and unmotivated to change! :hi5

Fathom Zero Oct 3rd, 2011 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 745246)
I don't understand your question.

The cyclical internet message board conversations. Pretty soon it'll come back to school/work and how stupid they are!


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