[Zbu Manowar]

Okay, another one:

Captain Grid-Iron

This one hurts the most, because he was my favorite Joe back in the dying days of the original 3 3/4 inch Joes. You see, Grid-Iron was cool. He was obviously the new head hancho of the Joes by this time (Duke, Flint, and the lame duck General Hawk being fazed out for either guest appearances in 'Night Force' or such niches) and the new Joes needed a new leader.

Unfortunately, they got one hell of a blunder.

The name 'Captain Grid-Iron' is just too lengthy. Why not just call him Grid-Iron? The title of Captain seems a very small one considering the Joes are supposed to be this elite band of commandos who take orders from higher up than Captain. Then on top of it all, some idiot decided that the football motif of this figure wasn't complete until every single freaking thing about him said FOOTBALL. Football grenades. His costume was a boiled down football outfit to an extent. His helmet was a football helmet. And while they could be cool to an extent.....it's a bit much, isn't it? Somehow, the whole affair came off to be not 'a Joe who has a hankerin for some pigskin,' but rather 'failed Batman villain #137 who was rejected because somehow the motif went overboard, drowned, and floated up to a retarded kid's summer camp five months later.'

It was just too much. It's not like being a football/sports fan was an unfamiliar motif to the Joes: Bazooka wore a jersey and a half helmet, the Basketball guy from the movie wore a jersey, and not to mention that a few years previous Fridge Perry was given his own special mail-order figure complete with Jersey and a fucking mace that was in the same of a football. Fridge Perry also looked damn cool. All Captain Grid-Iron looked like was some knock-off puss that somehow brought to mind the old 'Metal Brigade/Choose Your Stats' action figure with that fucking helmet of his. Complete with football grenades so you could throw them....huh?

All and all, nice try, but failed effort.