[Les Waste]

Here's a piece of email I found waiting for me this morning

Alright. As a first time reader of your online paper, I can't truly dis Chris
b/c I have no clue if he truly sucks. But if your "Leave Jacko Alone" attempt at
satire is any reflection of your work, then yes Chris, you suck.
Look, you're still in school. There's still hope for you to develop your voice,
until then, please don't attempt humor again... EVER.
First and second graf: funny.
Third, fourth and fifth graf: You'd been better off expressing this in a straigh
column. Here, you're pushing it and showing that yes, humorous writing sometimes
lacks humor.
Rest of the story: Well, Chris, you don't work for the onion. leave the satire
to writers.
Satire, good. "Leave Jacko Alone," congested.
Your attempt at clever writing, or whatever you called that "Jacko" piece, just
plain sucked.
better luck next time. I hear Michael Jackson's doing something on FOX thursday,
maybe you can pick up and try again. Or, maybe a less cliche story subject and
really stretch your journalism school muscles.

I replied back with:

Why hello! I am so glad an expert of humor emailed me to tell me what is wrong with me! Excellent! I really consider myself so lucky that you would take time out of your busy schedule of masturbating and eating corn chips to critique my column. I have a great idea! Why don't you come and do my job for me? Oh wait, I forgot. You can't because you're barely semi-literate! My mistake!

Next time you feel like writing a stupid email, why don't you just have a stick of gum? Good luck with that!

The reply to my reply indicated that he didn't get it.