"I'm already bored with your rebuttal to come."
Yeah, that about sums it up. You spent more of your post putting up a straw man with my face on it and knocking down your whiny little suburbanite post-modernist image than actually arguing. Yawn.
I haven't got a little red card. I haven't met a single Satanist in real life. I haven't made new friends, been allowed into new social circles, or gained any sort of respect on- or offline for giving myself this label. For all of your oh-so-cute sexual images, Satanism hasn't gotten me laid or even jerked off, and there are an awful lot of things in my life more important to me than sex. I have not performed any rituals because a) I have a roommate and a small apartment and b) I haven't had a reason to yet.
You know shit about me except that I'm young, I like Satanism, and I have what you think is shitty musical taste (sorry Mr. Bach, you're not good enough for Helm). Everything else you make up. Tip: ad hominem works better when you have a real basis for it.
And you know shit about the Church of Satan except what's in the Satanic Bible and maybe, if you're any good at investigation and critical analysis, you've read some of the essays on the Church website.
The one point where you are right about me is that yes, I want to enjoy life and just about everything I do is in the interest of enjoying it more. I admit the possibilities that a) it's all meaningless and I may as well give up, b) there is some deeper meaning held by some omnipotent creator figure, or c) there may be some kind of metaphysical answer out there for me to find. Pardon me, but I'm not out looking for it, because I feel like I'm making good enough progress toward fulfillment already. Why do you think I need more? Self awareness? Understanding of motive? I just explained my motive: I do what makes me feel most fulfilled. What more do you expect? That I should sacrifice that which I find personally meaningful in favor of seeking truth that may not exist and will probably just depress me if it does? No thanks.
If you're so convinced that Satanism is worthless, why don't you go
tell some of the church members and priesthood? Yes, my motivation for this is avoiding the task of arguing with you myself, because after all the trouble you've gone to trying to prove that I am an utterly worthless human being and far below your wonderful self, I hardly have the respect for you necessary to have a reasonable discussion.