[James]

Please share with us your reply, in which you calmly tell him it's spelled "Mockery," and that "Absolut" is a brand name of vodka, which we would know if he were even relatively old enough to know what alcohol was.

Then thank him for agreeing that Metallica are greedy, untalented, washed up dipshits, and for being a fan of the site. This will confuse and enrage him, and he will go to school on Monday, telling all his friends during recess about how he totally ripped into this "famous guy on the internet." To which they will roll their eyes and peg him in the face with a dodgeball.