With three Goldmember reviews already up, someone felt it necessary to make a 4th one. And somehow, it ended up making the grade (even if that grade is "F"). So now we look at the 4th Goldmember review.
Movie: "Austin Powers in Goldmember (review #4)"
Year: 2002
Rated: PG-13
Genre: Comedy
Director: Jay Roach
Writer: Mike Myers & Michael McCullers
Reviewer: Piichi Lucky uselessblob@aol.com
Plot: dr.evil is finally captured and stuff and austin is knighted and his dad wasnt there to see him get knighted so like the movie is pretty much about austin and his relationship with his father and stuff and this guy from the seventies named goldmember who lost his genetalia in a fatal smelting accident lol and stuff like that and mini me and stuff well more in review kae? kae!
Review: ok fine heres your two paragraphs!^^ like i rate it high because i really think it was hilarious, for those of you who have seen austin powers in the spy who shagged me remember the scene in the tent where it looks like felicity is pulling things out of his butt? well they have something else like that! it looks like austins erm....parts....are doing weird things and looks like he has a baby its REEELY funny.
as for the nine that i rate it only because they never say what happened to felicity, just add a diferent girl, Foxy Cleopatra!^^
i loved the fact that it was a whole movie like thing it was HILARIOUS with the peopl playing other people and with Dixie Normous that was funny well i hope you like my review k bye!
Overall Rating: 9
Don't the let spaces fool you, folks. This isn't 3 paragraphs (or two as the person claims the are, followed by what appears to be a mountain emoticon). It's three sentences. Three very long sentences. Three poorly written, piece of shit, I-need-to-finish-the-fourth-grade sentences.
The first thing I noticed about this nazi propoganda masquerading as a review, was that the person gave it a 9/10. The second thing I noticed was that he claims Goldmember lost his happy fun bits in a FATAL smelting accident... Yeah, I'm just going to leave it at that, and let you realize the problem.
As I continued to read this, I suddenly noticed that my room was getting warmer. It turns out the disgustingly poor spelling, grammar, mountain emoticons, and so on had caused my head to burst into flames. I immediately put on my leather jacket, grabbed a chain, and went to go steal a motorcycle. Because let's face it; Ghost Rider fucking owns. But this review does not.
I could go on to attack this person's taste in film, but I noticed Miss Modular gave it an 8 in her review. And I don't want her to devour my soul for saying that this movie is Austin Powers 1 + Austin Powers 2 (which was Austin Powers 1 in the first place) = more of the same shit that got boring by the end of the first film. So instead I'll just say this: Ghost Rider fucking owns.