[The Damp Moose]

In the nineteen eighties, elevators didn't have those sensors that stopped the doors when someone walked inbetween them. I knew this because I was a bellhop. The job was so boring that one day I was driven to lead a little girl inbetween the doors, let her get crushed, then push the "basement level" button so I could see up her skirt. I made minimum wage though.