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Folks, I have a gf. Seriously. And she's hot. Seriously.
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Presumably 'gf' stands for 'gigantic fissure' where your anus once was, and 'she' (thats rather sweet that you have abstractly feminised it) is 'hot' due to the frankly terrifying amounts of cock-based traffic you have had up there recently.
'Its like waving a breadstick in st pauls cathedral'.