He tried to light me on fire
He tried to molest a zebra in Her Majesty's presence
He tried to hit me with a funnoodle
He tried to give my dog mental anguish
He tried to make Guitar Woman sexually frustrated
He tried to hurl a brick at the urologist's office
He tried to rip off Aladdin's clothes at Disneyland and make him his personal "carpet caddy", only to find that it was his sister in drag
He tried to measure himself without using standardized units
He tried to rape his PS2, thinking the expansion deck was a sex hole
He tried to use the pick-up line "Could you bend over I'd like to see your asscrack" on Harry Potter
He tried to use the same line on his Mother as well
He tried to see how many licks it takes to get to the center of an anatomically correct snowman
He tried to see if it could just be one
very long lick
He tried to get jury duty so he could be locked in a room with eleven strangers
He tried to create "The Elevator of Fruit Bat Erotica"