[imported_I, fuzzbot.]

Dear Diary,

Today I was rope-skipping my way to the nearest public toilet when I saw a bunch of guys yelling and giving each other high fives, and I figured they were Muslim. Guess what? Turned out I was right. I walked to one of the guys and said, "You think you can fucking beat me? Huh? Come over here and try, you think you can fucking beat me, go ahead, I'm right here, your best punch, buddy, your best fucking punch, my face is right here. Pussy. Go ahead. I'm right here, you wanna fucking beat me? I'm right here."

Needless to say, he walked away.

Victory has always been mine, diary. Always and forever. If he dared to even look at me in the eyes and "apologize" for existing, I would've smothered him with my leather bag.

That's how Israel would've handled a Middle Eastern crisis, you know. They turn those Arabs into puff pasteries and eat them right up. With what, I hear you ask? Jam, you suggest? Guess what, diary? THE ISRAELIS DISCOVERED JAM.

Yours,
ABCDetc.