This is a tough problem Jixby. I don't know any solution that doesn't involve spending a lot of money.
But if you're willing to spend a lot of money, take a road trip to Maine. Bring a laptop to make a website about all the wacky adventures you have on your cross-country trip and call it "Jixby Phillips' Wacky Trip to Maine LOL".
Once you make it to Maine, she'll be ecstatic to see you. You'll run at eachother in slow motion through the corn field, and then kisses commence. Maybe later, some secks.
Then you'll live happily ever after.