I have read all of you have typed. Im still a bit lost though of what you are trying to say in the middle paragraph down onto the end(I know words cannot explain true feelings so I can't blame you for that) Anyways, if I have interpreted what you typed up correctly. I too, have gone through what you've said in the first paragraph:
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I've tried to pursue something that could be described as 'love' and I've tried to find an end in serving Reason
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Im not sure what type of 'love' you are talking about but I've always thought that happiness could be found, or completed, by finding your true soulmate (Laugh if you want
), but what disturbed me to the fact that people could prove that biologically that homo sapiens were meant to be polygamous, rather than monogamous. I don't know how to think of 'love' anymore, I once that it was a 'magical feeling' but then it could later be proven that it could be a bunch of chemicals in my head having a reaction (I am talking about 'true love'- if it hopefully exists- not the "I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, but could you be my boy/girl friend for 2 weeks?" love)
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Both, while presenting some interesting insights - I could not lie to myself - were not what my... inner sense of direction? I'm not certain... my driving ambition, anima, soul, whatever one calls it, yearned. This instinct, while not strictly orthological -in fact, I think many Hardcore materialists would laugh at me for resorting to souls- I cannot disregard.
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I don't know how I've got over this but I still, once in a while, seek many questions left unanswered. I know that I could lie to myself, but something inside of me tells that I shouldn't. I don't know how to explain it but it does make me depressed knowing that I don't know any of the answers... Sometimes most arguements would probably have to rely on the concept of a soul or inner-being. That is probably how I've gotten deeply (well, let's not consider that) in the field of philosophy. I'm still a bit of a n00b in this field (Ive only been into it for about a year and a half) but Im trying to do my best =/
ps. I hope I understood correctly what you are trying to say
