[Les Waste]

I wrote a really good story about a guy who has a disease called poopy mouth. His mouth is filled with and always producing a substance that looks like poop, smells like poop, tastes like poop, feels like poop, probably sounds like poop, but isn't poop. It's like bacteria and mucus or something.

He has to wear a surgical mask at all times when he goes out in public, otherwise he spits his poop-like residue out when he talks or breaths. However, in private, he can wear a rubber dental dam.

He's the only person in the world who has this disease, although it is extremely contagious and he's always giving it to other people. The reason he remains the only person in the world with it is because when other people find out they have the disease, they kill themselves. At least once a week, he goes to the pawn shop and buys a gun and tries to kill himself but he chickens out. And then he can't sell the gun back because he put the gun in his mouth and the pawn shop owner won't buy back the gun covered in poop-like residue.

Since he's the only person in the world who has the disease, it's medical name is named after him. But he's the only person who calls it that, as everyone else calls it poopy mouth. And everyone confuses the medical name of the disease with groups of people who eat their own shit for erotic purposes, so everyone thinks that's whats wrong with him.

It's actually really depressing, but in a funny way. Funny ha-ha way, in fact.