Quote:
Stephen Paugh, checking out a T-shirt display, said he had heard about the swordsman but considered it an isolated incident. He was more excited about the improvement in his vision, as he had undergone cataract surgery Friday morning.
"I’m overwhelmed with it," he said as he looked around the mall without glasses for the first time in years.
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The hell? This reads exactly like the randomly generated newspaper articles in Sim City 2000.
"Local Joe Nobody, checking out a drink at the Orange Julius stand, said he heard about the Lama rampage but considered it an isolated incident. He was more excited about the improvement in his spatulas, as he had undergone chemotherapy Friday morning.
"I'm overwhelmed with it," he said as he skipped around the mall without kidneys for the first time in years."