[kahljorn]

Hello. Nice to meet you. In some prestigous parts of this democratic country I am known by my voted name of Cacapoopoopeehead, but on this message board you all can call me my birth name of Homo Owner. Just Homo please, no need to be formal -- After all, aren't we all friends? I've come here to tell you a story, a story you may have heard before, or maybe you didn't hear it. Regardless, it's a story that has been heard before. Or maybe I'm making it up. Regardless of that as well, I have a story, a story of my youth. One time when I went to my friends house who lived on a farm, there was a bull who lived there like an old hermit who hated civilization (except farms). Now this bull was mighty and he had glaring red eyes and a pocketwatch, and his tail curled like the mighty river of colorado. Sometimes I would speak with this bull, to try to learn from him how he became so mighty and where he bought his pocket watch. Well, it turns out his pocket watch is from Sears and Roebuck, wow! what a surprise, here i was expecting to have to travel to some expensive exotic jewelry when I could get it in my hometown. Thank you, Mr. Bull, your behavior was truly amicable and concerned. He was more reluctant to tell me how he became so mighty. so I developed a plan. What does a bull want more than anything? A rodeo? No. No they probably hate those. Who likes to be ridden all day for 15 seconds by men wearing chaps except gay whores. So, I thought some more, and read some books by a man by the name of Dale Carnegie. So I gave the book to the bull and he asked if he looked like he could read, so i said, "What does the red eye make it hard to see" and he was all yea it's like smoke is in my eyes all the time. So I bought him some visine which didn't change the color of his eyes at all, they were still as red as the fires of hell, but he said his eyes felt better. So then the bull imparted this mind breaking story: When he was born, he was born to a cow, the cow was fucked by a bull, that bull came out of a cow, that cow fucked a bull. end of story. So, logically, I tried to crawl into a cow's womb -- to little avail. In the end, I was forced to resorting to drinking 15 bottles of milk. When I was a child my parents told me I was lactose intolerant but I never believed them and now I had proved them wrong and they were dead because they died in a car accident when I was five. Suddenly I realized the world around me was not quite as I perceived, and I had overcome all obstacles, percevered and became king. I felt as if I could conquer the entire world. This was a mighty lesson to a wayward youth who felt he had no place in the world and could become nothing... now... now i knew i could do anything. I flew with the eagles. True story.