In case anyone was wondering what I did while I was away, and because I love self-promotion:
I was a ninja for a little while.
Before that, I wanted to be James Hetfield.
But then I decided I'd rather be a pirate.
After sailing the high seas for a while, I ended up in Norway and settled down as a tree overlooking a fjord.
When I got bored with that, I grew huge mutton chops and became a world-renowned trumpet player.
Then I swore off hair and shaved my head. If I shave close enough, my brain is visible.
I also grew a goatee.
But now it's gone.
