[Sethomas]

I'm glad you feel welcome to consider yourself a part of my vocative "you guys". You must feel like you belong. You're in the in-crowd. People don't dislike you because you have the mastery of verbal irony that one might expect from a cartoon panel of The Family Circus written by Carrot Top after his having had a leucotomy performed by a doctor with severe cerebral palsy who therefore really shouldn't be performing delicate procedures. You've earned your place in the internet warriors den because of your scathing bons mots, you know, like "your penis! I haven't seen it, but I bet it's not very large at all!" Which, in all due respect, is accurate in the context that your own penis is so large that seismic stations can detect when you get an erection. And your testicles, by God! Humanity's doom is tied to yours in that when you die, your scrotum will collapse on its own gravity and the solar system will be sucked into the resulting event horizon. Truly you belong here at I-Mockery, as who else here has sired more bastards than the all members of the House of Representatives and Senate combined? Your virility is indicated by your magnificent chest hair, which I'm told is harvested for toupées on the first of every month.

So, really, take a seat. Enjoy yourself. You've made it.