[Dr. Octogonopus]

Well the thing is, I have a bunch of different things I want to do, but I do terrible at school. I absolutely cannot pay attention unless it interests me, no matter how hard I tried. I was even on hardcore ADHD medicines, but it only made me practically a zombie, I was pretty much shambling from class to class without much thought. It also made me lose over forty pounds, because I would take a few bites of lunch and feel like I was going to throw up. So I can't take it, it's no use to me. So my friends have already gotten ads from all these colleges, and I've gotten nothing. So it looks to me like an Army scholarship is my best bet.