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Sethomas Sethomas is offline
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Old Apr 7th, 2008, 05:24 AM       
Man, I can't believe I started this whole thread last night and left this out.

I didn't go to the bar last night as I thought I would, but I did this past evening. While there, I had a realization that back in early February I had an epiphany.

I took a class on a medieval philosopher named Anselm of Canterbury. He was most famous for "The ontological argument for the existence of God". Even as a theist, it was something that I could never take seriously and it pissed me off when I saw people try to pass it off as logically sound.

Then, two months ago basically, I realized that you can demonstrate why it's absurd by replacing only a few words of the argument and turn it into something very different. This has actually been known since the time it was written in the 11th Century (cf. Gaunilo's Island*), but I figured there had to be great parody potential for the modern reader. Then it hit me.

It's remarkably easy to turn it into "The ontological argument that my girlfriend has the best pussy in the entire universe."

I told myself to write down the formal argument in a form that would prove that my girlfriend* has the best pussy in the universe, but I forgot to do so and it totally escaped my to-do list until it mysteriously popped into my head tonight at the bar when I was talking to someone.

It goes something like this in axiomatic form:
  1. The greatest pussy in the universe is that entity than which nothing greater can be fucked.
  2. The concept of the greatest pussy in the universe exists in human understanding.
  3. The greatest pussy in the universe exists in one's mind but not in reality.
  4. The concept of the greatest pussy in the universe existence is understood in one's ability to fuck it.
  5. If I could fuck the greatest pussy in the universe, it would be a greater thing than any other pussy in the universe that I could only fuck in my wet dreams.
  6. The final step to my girlfriend having the greatest pussy in the universe is that I must be able to fuck my girlfriend’s pussy.
That was just the adjusted form I made from the wikipedia summary. I kept trying when I got home tonight (half an hour ago?) to edit the original prolix 11th century text to accomplish this, but it's hard to do so when I've had a few drinks and not enough sleep. Eventually, it will happen.
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