[Sethomas]

I tried to take a break and read the news.

But instead, CNN.com or some shit asked me the question, "Are Beyonce and Jay-Z married or not?"

I can't answer that shit, I have no way of knowing since they don't have last names like real people.

(I already did a reflexive fundamentalist joke, but here's another)

Jesus had a last name, it was Christ.

You guys have to tell me when something happens in the world. Pub, this falls largely on you since you live in the future and thus can give me better warning.