[executioneer]

I CANT POST IN THIS THREAD CAUSE IM NOT A FLIRTATOS JERK

Spoilers!

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me? YES 2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california? only if they want to hear a bunch of conjecture re: plastic surgery 3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl? only if i am practicing my sitcom acting 4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why? farts 5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble? hahahah no 6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn? porn is against the law 7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do? break into a farm and swipe some from a cow 8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000? truth because my dad did that shit to my mom for years and now they are in deep shit 9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it? man if i ever couldn't pay rent i'd be too depressed to speak 10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child? NONE 11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick? every book is a get rich quick book if you have a strong enough imagination 12. have you read them? BOOKS ARE FOR READ 13. did you really go to college? yes but it was only for a week to visit my friend and get very drunk, i wasnt enrolled or anything 14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about? hahah no 15. do you talk in cliches? sometimes but i like to jazz them up usually!