1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
No, but only because super spies never reveal the true nature of their work.
2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
Only if somebody asks me about them. The boobs aren't as much as a concern to me as the lips. While there are many naturally beautiful women in L.A., there are absolutely horrifying ones who have had so much work done on their lips that they look like the Joker. Scary :O
3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
No, I claim it's an old stalker and you should be thankful that I'm with you instead of somebody who obviously cares more about me like her.
4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
For breaking your vagina.
5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, I'd say I rescued a cat.
6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
That all depends on whether you paid for half of it or not. If you didn't help pay for it, fuck you, it's all mine. Wait, we're talking about a pizza, right?
7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
I pop enough of your zits and mix in the puss with some water so it becomes a milk white. Drink up!
8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I'd say I rescued a cat.
9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
Neither. We break into some old crone's mansion, hold her hostage and live like royalty for the remainder of our lives.
10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
I would smoke as many as I could IN the delivery room in hopes that the kid would abort just in the nick of time.
11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
Nope, my books are mostly about the ridiculous kind of subject matter you see on this site.
12. have you read them?
Some yes, some no. I will say that I'm one of the most ill-read writers you'll find.
13. did you really go to college?
Yeah. I went to Drexel University for Computer Science & Journalism. Then I got accepted to the College of William & Mary, so I transfered there to major in English. Then I became a MASTOR OF WEB DESIGN and dropped out. :O
14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No, I'll say, "Here, you talk to them... I'm gonna go run and hide somewhere so I don't have to."
15. do you talk in cliches?
That was a very cliche question. Are you gonna ask me what my favorite color is next?
