[sspadowsky]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
I hate what I'm doing, and it's either I change jobs, or you see me on the news for killing an awful lot of people.

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
I don't understand this question. Quit being an art-fag.

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
I tell you it's some whore who can't forget my incredible penis, which I don't need to tell you, because you spend every waking moment with your friends extolling the virtues of my incredible penis.

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
Because I stuck my thumb in your butt without asking you if you were ready for it. Which you totally are, but you don't want to admit, because you're modest. Which, of course, is why I love you.

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
No, because any dogs hanging around 9/11 were service dogs, and they had the sense to get the fuck out of there. Animals are smart like that.

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
If you weren't watching porn with me, I would question the quality of our relationship.

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
Jebus invented credit cards for a reason.

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000?
I don't know what a snap-on account is. 6000 bonus points for me.

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I promise to take care of everything, because I'm a man, and that means I'm a provider, and that means my ego is the size of Montana, and you should shut the hell up and sit back and for Christ's sake not get pregnant while I try to handle everything.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
ALL OF THEM. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR EXPANDED VAGINA.

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
I own no such book. I own other books whose virtues might contribute to me getting rich, but they are not directly connected to such a scheme.

12. have you read them?
The vast majority of them, yes. I do have to sleep from time to time. FUCK'S SAKE, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

13. did you really go to college?
Yes, but I didn't take it seriously. My mistake.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
I wouldn't do that. I would tell you, "My family sucks; here are some things to watch out for."

15. do you talk in cliches?
Only if I truly think it will get me some pussy. And isn't that why you ended up with me in the first place?

I declare myself the winner of Glowbelly's heart. All entries will cease now.