[Schimid]

I have never, ever played a Soul Calibur game.

At a friend's house last night I played against four or five people that played the previous Soul Caliburs with some relative frequency, including a girl who was reportedly really really good with Xianghou (??). I used Raphael under recommendation from a friend that he was enough of an asshole that I would enjoy playing as him because I love playing as arrogant douchebags in fighting games.

I either button-mashed or did a forward-forward-vertical attack that made him exclaim "TIME TO PERISH," every single match, and I didn't lose once.

I mean, what the fuck? I understand it's a new game but theoretically some fundamentals should carry over and theoretically a block-and-counterpunch stratagem shouldn't be utterly flawless. The game feels like a giant joke I'm not in on, which makes me feel like I'm the one the joke is on, which makes me angry.