[Cosmo Electrolux]

1. you decide to change jobs. do you tell me?
what if I don't have a job to begin with?

2. do you talk to my friends about what boobs look like in california?
are boobs different in California?

3. a woman calls you and i ask who it is. do you tell me it's your boss pretending to be a girl?
My boss is a girl

4. after having sex you tell me you're sorry. why?
I wiped my dick on your curtains...

5. would you ever tell my best friend that you raced to new york city after 911 and rescued a dog from the rubble?
that's too stupid even for me....

6. would you hide porn from me? even if it was really bad porn?
no..I would insist you star in the porn....

7. quick we're out of milk and money doesn't come in until friday what to do?
steal it

8. if i asked you how much your snap on account was up to would you lie and tell me $500 or tell the truth and say $5000? no clue what snap on is...wait, is that the tool company?

9. we can't pay rent this month. do you promise to take care of everything and tell me not to worry or do you let me fucking handle it?
I take care of it.

10. how many cigarettes would you go outside to smoke if i was in labor at the hospital giving birth to your child?
don't smoke...

11. do you own any books that don't have to do with getting rich quick?
yeah, actually my bookshelves are full of books by Robert Anton Wilson, Crowley, and George Carlin

12. have you read them? every last one

13. did you really go to college? yes...I have the failed grades to prove it.

14. when i'm about to walk into a room filled with your family will you tell me "don't say anything about anything" while expecting me to know what the hell you're talking about?
No, I'd say "pretend you like me"

15. do you talk in cliches? no, I speak in mindless riddles

do I win? are you going to send me topless pics now?