[MetalMilitia]

Jake, you're in luck! Here at I-Mockery we're used to dealing with a range of relationship problems - so much so that we made Loveline so that we may dispense our wisdom in a more efficient manner.

Firstly we're going to need a little more information. Did this girl ever write you a letter or give you a mix-tape containing songs that describe her feeling for you? Did any of your conversations take place on a bus?(!IMPORTANT!)

Have you ever suspected the depth of her attraction may be deeper than you first though? Does she ever emit a "strange longing sigh" when you walk away from her? Has she ever said something along the lines of "the day we met was the best/most significant of my life"?

God speed!