[McClain]

All of these offenses were commmitted when I was a child.


I put a chunk of tar in the microwave to see what would happen. Pretty green lights! When my father heard the noise and saw the flashing he quickly unplugged the microwave and plugged his foot in my ass.

I hit an electical box off a structure with a sledgehammer. Pretty lights! Don't know what happened after that 'cause I ran away. Father got suspicious when his sledgehammer came up missing.

My brother and I set the garage on fire. We made a rope out of dryer lint and tried to light it on fire - we heard that's what Boy Scouts did. When it didn't light we put some gasoline in the bottom of a Mason jar and dropped the lint rope inside like a wick. After we lit the lint one of us accidentally kicked over the jar. We managed to control the fire before it burned the entire garage down. I don't know how, but we stopped it.

Threw water balloons at random cars, and it just happened that one of the vans we struck was driven by a man with a pacemaker. Needless to say he had an episode. Cops. Ambulances. Etc.

Broke in to the local Catholic Church. Actually the doors were always open, so it was probably more along the lines of trespassing. We'd blow out all the candles, write fake confessions on offering envelopes, and steal bottles of holy water for water fights. Holy water tastes the same as regular water in case anyone is curious.